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A
Just Said Yes June 2015

he lost his job, and now we can't afford the wedding

Amber, on April 15, 2015 at 6:14 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 20

I have less than 2 months until my fiance and I tie the knot. Deposits on the reception hall, church, photographer, cake, and dj have all been paid. None of them are paid in full. My fiance just lost his job, and we are unable to get a loan from the bank. How can we still get married when we owe so much? I am so stressed and sickened by this. I guess we are too poor to get married Smiley sad I just can't cancel because the invites have already been sent out, and I have spent so much on deposits and such.

20 Comments

Latest activity by Julia, on April 17, 2015 at 11:06 PM
  • Snarky
    Master September 2014
    Snarky ·
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    Can't he fill in with other jobs for the time being? Wait tables, mow lawns, whatever? You don't want to lose all those deposits. Maybe some family can help out?

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  • Lawmom
    VIP June 2015
    Lawmom ·
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    Well you can still get married. Courthouse wedding with cake and punch afterwards?

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  • Mrs-ToBeFrank
    Dedicated August 2016
    Mrs-ToBeFrank ·
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    Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry Amber.

    I hope your FH is able to find another way to earn an income but in the mean time maybe there is some small scaling back you can do?

    I know with DJ companies here, they offer different packages from smallest to largest.. maybe you could talk to your DJ (and potentially other suppliers) and scale back some of the services while still having your deposit go towards the balance?

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  • LadyMonk
    Master September 2014
    LadyMonk ·
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    Talk to your vendors and see if they can offer you cheaper packages. So sorry to hear about your situation. Also I agree, pick up a second job, get your FH to work in whatever job he can find even if it's not his field.

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  • hfstella
    Devoted April 2015
    hfstella ·
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    Omg what a nightmare :-(. You still have until June is there not a way he can gain ANY type of employment to supplement some income? Sell some plasma? Something?

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  • Kris E
    VIP May 2015
    Kris E ·
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    Talk to your vendor. Maybe they can give you a smaller package or an extended payment plan. Otherwise, you might have to cut somethings. Or do a punch and cake. They can be really fun.

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  • A
    Just Said Yes June 2015
    Amber ·
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    My fiance has been job searching, and doing odd jobs for now, but it just isn't pulling in the money that we need. I am unable to get a second job due to lack of child care. I thank you all for your ideas. I will be making phone calls in the next few days. I am just bummed because I was looking forward to a beautiful wedding and a huge celebration of family and friends (most of who are traveling hundreds of miles for this). It's just hard to be happy knowing that I will have to have something I really didn't want.

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  • Mrs-ToBeFrank
    Dedicated August 2016
    Mrs-ToBeFrank ·
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    The most important and special part of your day is going to be when you marry the love of your life. I know it's cliche to say "everything else won't matter" but it's true, the rest is just stuff. You'll pull it off girl! I'm sure some of your vendors will work with you and for the rest you might have to get a little creative and thrifty but it can be done!

    ETA: What I wrote didn't make sense. It's the end of the day.

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  • Kelsie
    Super August 2015
    Kelsie ·
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    Like everyone said talk to your vendors.

    And if you're not going to be happy going with a cheaper package through them, see if you can hold your deposit with them until a later date to give yourself more time.

    Any one invited should have no problem understanding that a wedding isn't affordable to you and your FH at the time

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  • Ostrich
    Master April 2016
    Ostrich ·
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    How short are you?

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  • Rachel DellaPorte
    Rachel DellaPorte ·
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    Exactly what e-mc2 asked. How short are you? You DO NOT want to lose the big deposits. Requirements are the venue and the food. Tell us what's outstanding and maybe we can come up with a plan...

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  • Rachel DellaPorte
    Rachel DellaPorte ·
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    If you have to lose deposits, church, cake, and photographer are the first to go. Get married on site (I know...you've printed your invitations, but it's not the end of the world. You can redo them by DIYing them). You can live with a grocery store or sheet cake (nobody will notice -- that's three hours into your reception). Photography? It's a huge expense and maybe one you can't afford. At this point, it's about the guests who are traveling hundreds of miles to get there. Your parents may be able to help -- as in a loan -- something you will pay back.

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  • annakay511
    Master July 2015
    annakay511 ·
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    Credit cards?

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  • Mrs. Nicole
    Master May 2016
    Mrs. Nicole ·
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    I know with all of my vendors, the package that I originally asked for isn't locked in until final payment. I know it sucks, but maybe you could ask for less expensive things, cut an hour or two from photography, different frosting or flavors for cake, or even tiers if that makes a difference. You've probably already invested thousands in deposits (I know I have already, and my wedding isn't for another year) and they are usually pretty firm in not returning it, especially this close to the wedding where they might not book another slot. I wish you the best of look though Smiley sad

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  • A
    Just Said Yes June 2015
    Amber ·
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    Thanks everyone for the great ideas. We talked to my future mother in law, and she is able to help us out some. We have been contacting our vendors, and are figuring out what we need to do to help lower the final cost...for example, we decided that the cake, we will have a small display cake, but a larger sheet cake in the back to be served to our guests. I have decided to try making my own centerpieces instead of having the florist do them for me. (I am currently tied to Pinterest to find ideas) Thanks so much. It just felt as if the rug was ripped from under me, but I am hoping to still have a fun/memorable day even if I can't have everything I had envisioned before.

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  • Mrs. Coon
    Devoted March 2015
    Mrs. Coon ·
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    I'm so sorry to hear that! I can't imagine that stress on top of regular wedding stress! We did a main small cake and other cakes from publix! We also used Costco flowers and DIY! You can find was to cut corners when you have to! Smiley smile

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  • Precious
    VIP August 2015
    Precious ·
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    I would try credit cards. I have a credit card on stand by for just in case. Capital One normally takes in "okay" credit. Decide if all your vendors are worth keeping. You might lose a $300 deposit, but by canceling you don't have to pay them the extra $1,000.

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  • Fiorella
    Super October 2015
    Fiorella ·
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    Good luck! You could also put an ad out for a spot of daycare available alongside your child so that you can stay home with them Smiley smile

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  • cs
    Dedicated June 2015
    cs ·
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    I'm so sorry. I can only imagine how disappointed you must be. Job loss is always tough, but going into more debt with credit cards may not be the answer if it takes a while for him to find a new job and may only make things more difficult for you in the long term if you have to default. We had a long term job loss -- both of us at once, with an serious accident thrown in with no medical insurance just to make it extra fun, and we lost just about everything including our house, car, savings, and credit. Trust me, you really don't want to go down that road with any added debt.

    As others have mentioned, negotiate with your vendors -- try to get them on your side to come up with a "team solution" that is win-win. I think postponing your wedding, if possible, is a really great idea too. It will give you time to get back on your feet. Personally, I wouldn't worry about the invites. They can always be changed and resent.

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  • Julia
    Super March 2016
    Julia ·
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    Wow, you must be so disappointed. Good luck working everything out! At least you seem to have a good handle on how to start.

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