We're here to help you keep moving forward, no matter what your plans are.

Kristen
Beginner September 2021

He cheated... now what?

Kristen, on November 15, 2020 at 6:54 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 43
Saved Save
Reply
I found out he cheated a couple times with a girl I actually met with him... I am so hurt and beyond disappointed. I have called off the wedding for now but how do I tell everyone? Do I blame covid? My dad put down about 5k worth of deposits so far... my fiance is prepared to pay him back but do I even tell him the reason?? So far just my 2 bridesmaids know and I'm going to tell the 3rd later today... also he is going to go to counseling and is taking steps to make things right.. not saying I will take him back but I am at least willing to try....

43 Comments

Latest activity by Erin, on December 1, 2020 at 2:15 PM
  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring Online ·
    • Flag
    If there's a possibility that you're taking him back then you should tell as few people as possible.
    • Reply
  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring Online ·
    • Flag
    Once you're ready to forgive him, others may not do so easily.
    • Reply
  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine Online ·
    • Flag
    Sorry you had to go through that but it's a good thing you called off the wedding. Just be prepared that the more people you tell the less they'll like him, even your bridesmaids. I wish the best for you two
    • Reply
  • Jai Butcher
    Rockstar May 2020
    Jai Butcher ·
    • Flag
    I'm sorry you're going through this and that you're hurt. For me, I'd prob tell my dad because he put down 5k and if he found out the real reason and I lied, it probably wouldn't be good. But do what's best for you and stay healthy; and keep your head up
    • Reply
  • Katie
    Expert August 2020
    Katie Online ·
    • Flag
    Kristen, I am so sorry you had to experience this. Please know you have a bright future ahead of you and things will get better. You have nothing to be ashamed of as you did nothing wrong. Food for thought, in my and others experience, what the partner is during dating is who they are after marriage. You deserve the best and I wish you all the wonderful things life has to offer ❤️
    • Reply
  • Eri
    Super October 2020
    Eri ·
    • Flag

    I'm so sorry, I can't even imagine.

    I know everyone is different and I generally like to give people second chances, but I would have a really hard time with this.

    The least he can do is pay your dad back. I'm not sure what kind of relationship you have with your dad, but if I were in that situation, I would absolutely tell my parents. If you're uncomfortable with that, I'd say that there's uncertainty about the wedding due to everything going on, and that you didn't want his generosity to be in limbo.

    I hope things work out for the best!

    • Reply
  • A
    Dedicated May 2021
    Ally ·
    • Flag
    If he is going to pay your dad back that’s good but I am sure your dad will want to know why the wedding was called off, not for money reasons just because you’re his daughter. If it were me though I would not take him back. There’s a lack of trust now that will likely last forever for you, and as much as I’m sure it hurts it is better to get out now before you are legally married. So sorry you’re going through this and that he did that to you!
    • Reply
  • Allie
    Rockstar November 2021
    Allie ·
    • Flag
    I’m so sorry this is happening and that he did you wrong like that. I see that your wedding is next September, if you were able to move would you continue to have a wedding in September? If so, I wouldn’t tell anyone else right now. And if anyone asks you could just say you are unsure of what the next year holds (vague and not a lie). If you think you’ll need more time, I think you should absolutely tell your dad the truth about what happened but keep your reasons to only those really close to you. As someone else said, others may not forgive so easily.
    • Reply
  • CountryBride
    Expert April 2022
    CountryBride ·
    • Flag

    I wouldn't forgive him he'd be gone I would talk to my dad and tell him the real reason, if you do forgive him I suggest you both go to counseling and start fresh I am so sorry that this happened to you

    • Reply
  • Jasmine
    Devoted May 2021
    Jasmine ·
    • Flag
    Girl, I’m so sorry this happened to you. Why don’t you give yourself some personal time. Tell your dad the truth. Let him know that you haven’t made a decision what to do or how to feel yet. Give yourself three months no contact with him. Because trying to make a decision now with the pain and probably anger still being fresh is hard. You need space. Time to be a little selfish and focus on your wants and needs.
    • Reply
  • Kristen
    Beginner September 2021
    Kristen ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    We are going to counseling and we live together with my 12 year old boy so its not just so easy to take a break... we are sleeping on opposites side of the house for now...
    • Reply
  • Sarah
    VIP September 2019
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    I’d be careful about who you tell, including your dad. The reality is that even if you can forgive him and work through it with him, the people you tell likely won’t feel the same. I have very few deal breakers, but infidelity is definitely one of them. If one of my friends expressed to me that the person they’re with cheated, I would never look at their significant other the same way again, even if my friend stayed with them.
    • Reply
  • Chrysta
    Rockstar November 2022
    Chrysta ·
    • Flag
    If you are contemplating forgiveness and possibly still marrying him, I would tell as few people as possible. As others have stated, people may not forgive him, like him, want to socialize with him, or even support your relationship once they know he has cheated on you. This happened to my cousin. He told a few members of the family and some of his friends that his fiancé cheated on him. Then they ended up reconciliation and getting married a year later. Well, of course those few people he told didn’t keep the secret. In the end, all of his friends knew, all of our family knew, and pretty much everyone around town knew. The couples friends they used to hang out with no longer supported their relationship and didn’t want to hang out with them (well HER) any more. It definitely ruined & strained a lot of relationships in his life. And then to make it even worse, she just ended up cheating on him multiple times again. I felt really bad for him because he didn’t really have a support system because everyone said it was his own fault for marrying her after she proved she was a cheater. They went through a long nasty divorce 2 years after marrying and having a child. Forgiveness is a beautiful virtue, but If I were you I would think long and hard about whether you want to remain in a relationship with this person. If this is how he behaves while you are engaged, it is unlikely that will change once you are married (especially once he’s gets away with it & sees that you won’t leave him). And then you will be legally tied to this person and it will be even harder for you to leave, and harder for your child. I would also think about the details surrounding the cheating. Did he confess to it? Or did you have to find out on your own? If you found out on your own, it shows he has no remorse and did not respect you enough to tell you the truth. I would also make sure you’re honest with yourself. Don’t focus on how you want things to be, but rather how they actually are. Can you actually forgive this person and move on from this? Will you be able to trust him in the future? Or are you going to feel the need to keep close tabs on him in order to ensure he’s not being shady again? Are you going to feel the need to check his email, look through his text messages and DM ‘s, put a tracker on his phone so you know where he is at all times? Are you going to think he is messing around when he is out with his friends? If so, you might as well leave now. That is not a healthy relationship for either one of you. Only you can decide what is right for you and your child. I’m so sorry you are in the position of having to make that decision. I wish the best for you and your child!
    • Reply
  • Ari
    Beginner May 2022
    Ari ·
    • Flag
    I'm sorry you have to go through this, but you will also get through it. The decision to take him back is your decision, but as many have said, this behavior may continue throughout your marriage. I believe your dad would like to know why the wedding is not on and would understand and agree with your decision to call it off.
    • Reply
  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    You don’t need to tell people the reason. You can literally just say “you deserved better” but like others here have said if there’s a possibility y’all will work it out then maybe don’t say it to people that he cheated
    • Reply
  • Tonilynn
    Dedicated September 2020
    Tonilynn ·
    • Flag
    I’m so sorry your going through this but if there is even the slightest chance you will forgive him DO NOT TELL ANYONE ELSE HE CHEATED. He will not only have to win you back but them too it’s a lot of pressure on both of you if others know. Now as for forgiving him your a better woman than I if you do. If you do, do with caution! A lot of caution !! Good luck xoxo
    • Reply
  • Karla
    Super February 2020
    Karla ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    This. Agree with this. Even after you’ve forgiven him, many of your family and friends may not forgive him so easily. Before I met my husband, I dated a couple of sucky men. After the first, I learned not to tell my momma about the shady things they did until I was sure we were never getting back together. A mother will never forget. Lol.
    • Reply
  • mrswinteriscoming
    Rockstar December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
    • Flag

    Cheating is a deal breaker for a great deal of people, others can forgive and turn a blind eye to it (I have a relative who has been married for 40 years and her husband has mistresses left, right and centre). Ultimately, I think the first thing you need to do is take a few more days to compose yourself. Take some time out to establish whether or not you can move past this or if it spells the end of your relationship.

    As others have said, while you are deciding this, I would not tell anyone else. In the event you reconcile, you do not want the negative attention that will ultimately hit you like a tonne of bricks when everyone starts giving you unsolicited advice. If you part ways over this, then when you do tell people you split up (and why), you won’t be as emotionally vulnerable having had time to make a clear decision.

    I’m sorry you’re dealing with this and all I can say is I hope you make a decision that makes you happy in the long run.

    • Reply
  • Kelsey
    Dedicated October 2020
    Kelsey ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    This, all of this. My mom always said, once a cheater always a cheater. I personally would not be able to stay with someone who blatantly disrespected me like that. Honestly, you are lucky he showed his true colors now instead of after you were married as that would be harder. If my man cheated on me, I would not want to see him, I would not be able to trust hime even if he claims to be getting help or counseling, and I would not want him to see my child (assuming the child has a different father). Cheating is not an accident and should not be something you let slide. Tell your dad the truth and get out while you can. You deserve so much better than that.

    • Reply
  • Jasmine
    Devoted May 2021
    Jasmine ·
    • Flag
    Maybe you and your son can go away for the weekend just the two of you. I don’t know where your from but a lot of nice Airbnb’s go by Covid 19 cleaning and sanitation guidelines so can be safe. You just have to take a step back from all. And you deserve that, he should be understanding of that.
    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles