C
Just Said Yes October 2020

He blindsided me. He shattered my heart..

Carmen, on September 25, 2020 at 4:06 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 11
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My fiancé and I are 34 and 43, been together for 6 years, living together for 5, engaged for 2.5. We were supposed to be getting married on October 10, 2020..ya know, just a little over two weeks away...Well, he told me at the end of July he didn’t want to marry me. We had just put down our deposit in May. I had just bought my dress and everything. We’ve had a good, happy and healthy life together. He didn’t really give me a good enough reason as to why he did what he did. Marriage has always been an open discussion and he completely blindsided me. Why am I good enough to play a wife role, but not good enough to be his wife? Why did he hurt me so badly? He shattered my heart. He shattered me..


What makes matters worse, is he pretends everything is “okay”, and like nothing has changed. He’s away from home right now on a project with his company, and it makes thing seven more difficult for me. I am extremely hurt and I don’t know what I’m doing..😭😭😭


11 Comments

Latest activity by Mary, on January 30, 2021 at 11:51 AM
  • Jai
    Rockstar May 2020
    Jai ·
    • Flag
    Did you ask him why he changed his mind on wanting to get married? I'm sorry you're going through this and feeling this way. I would be hurt too! I hope you can find closure and peace.
    • Reply
  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
    • Flag
    I am very sorry this happened to you. I think you need to have an open and honest conversation with your fiancé about what your future looks like. Maybe he has a valid reason that you can live with, maybe he doesn’t. But if you really want to get married, and he doesn’t, you may need to consider moving on from this relationship.
    • Reply
  • Chrysta
    Master November 2022
    Chrysta ·
    • Flag
    I would most certainly sit down and have a conversation with him about exactly why he chose to abandon the wedding, yet still wants to be in a relationship. If you cannot come to some sort of resolution, I would seek a third-party to help facilitate (ie, couples counselor). Hopefully they could hope you both navigate the situation and come to a mutual agreement about your future.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar April 2021
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    I agree with Chrysta. Things can’t go on like nothings happened. My fiancé & I were together for 11 years before we broke up & I moved away. We were apart for 6 years & did ALOT of growing up. When I came back into town for my grandmother’s 100th birthday party, we met for dinner & have been back together ever since. We talked through everything & discovered a whole new & better relationship. Not saying that happens to everyone... Either way, you guys need to talk.
    • Reply
  • Tera
    Dedicated June 2020
    Tera ·
    • Flag
    I’m sorry you are going through this. It is very painful and you need to be honest with him that it has deeply hurt you. Couples counseling is a good idea to really understand what happened and why he broke the engagement. However, if for some reason he doesn’t want it. Just see a counselor on your own to work through what you’re feeling right now. It helps to have someone to speak to who isn’t family or friends because you’ll feel more free to share all your thoughts and feelings without worry. Nowadays you can even do counseling online or through your phone which is more affordable and convenient. What he did is wrong and for him to act like nothing happened is not okay. You need to put your foot down and make clear your desires and expectations. If you have a desire to be married and it’s very important to you then make that clear. He may not be the right man if he can’t commit to you. Are you going to be happy just living together and acting like a wife while he won’t actually make you his wife. It’s unfair to you. You need more clarity on this situation and maybe a good first step is couple counseling if he will do it.
    • Reply
  • Katie
    Rockstar August 2020
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    Carmen, I’m so sorry you are going through this. I agree with the ladies who have posted and it is solid advice. No matter what happens, just know you have a wonderful, bright, amazing future ahead of you. There is always light after darkness. Sending you prayers of hope, calmness, and strength during this time. ❤️❤️❤️
    • Reply
  • W
    Super September 2020
    Willow ·
    • Flag
    He cancelled the wedding on you, and you're still with him???


    I'm going to be blunt. He doesn't want to commit to you, but he also doesn't want to be single. He's using you as a placeholder until he finds someone he likes better. If he couldn't even give you a reason, and he's pretending everything is ok, that's what's going on.
    You deserve better. Make a clean break, take time to heal, and you'll find someone who treats you with basic kindness and decency.
    • Reply
  • I
    Expert August 2021
    Ingrid ·
    • Flag
    Wow, I'm sorry this happened. This would be rough to accept but maybe it's one of those moments to rattle you enough to get out of the comfortable zone. I know this is hard to hear but there could be a bright side to this. . .good luck
    • Reply
  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
    • Flag
    Maybe he is scared of commitment I feel like many males are. That definitely doesn’t make it okay but it’s a possible reason
    • Reply
  • K
    Savvy October 2020
    Karen ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    Well said!

    • Reply
  • Mary
    Beginner August 2021
    Mary ·
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    I understand the pain you are going through. My ex fiance of almost 3 years(we got engaged in May 2020) completely blindsided me this month and told me he was not confident marrying me and we broke up. I am totally devastated. I thought he was the love of my life...but I keep telling myself that this was all him and there was nothing I could do to change the outcome. He wasn't open and honest with me about how he felt and kept it all bottled up inside. I realize that I deserve better.
    • Reply

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