He asked me to move out 2 months after proposing.

First of all I am so sorry you are dealing with this. You deserve someone who knows he wants you.


However given the circumstance I recommend figuring out what YOU want and not just leaving it up to him. Do you really want to spend your life with him—someone who treats you like this?

If you do want to be with him, I wouldn’t do so without going into couples counseling and/or having him go into individual counseling. It seems like he has a lot of issues that he should work out before tying his life to yours.

I am sorry this nakedness and it's hard. Rather than worry about him wiry about you. It seems he doesn't know what he wants. He can't break up with you and then expect to treat you like his girlfriend. I think you need to value yourself and realize how much better you deserve and maybe its not him. It's going to be hard but you deserve someone that loves you right.

I am sorry. You need to leave him completely. You need someone who knows what he wants and wants you. Don't make excuses for him. He's breaking up with you bit by bit because he is too cowardly to do it all at once. This is so unfair to you

Have you never stayed over, in all this time, til now?

After 11 years he should know what he wants. If he continues to have cold feet and commitment issues, you really need to evaluate what you want to do. It sounds like he's not ready and he may never be. Good luck sweetheart, you deserve the best!

View Quoted Comment No this was the very first time. My family is very traditional so I was barely able to do so after we got engaged.

View Quoted Comment There is a big difference between thinking about being together, and the reality. A lot of people do not realize what it is like sexually, not images of things but the reality of two people's physical bodies. And if not used to sharing your space even short term, it can be a real shock just having someone there all the time. He clearly is miles from being ready to marry anyone . It may be your love , over time, will mature, as you get to know each other in a different way. But truthfully, it may never. And if your conservative views do not permit you to start slowly, just spending the night a couple times in a week, and working up slowly til he and you are both comfortable just sharing all time and space, I don't think you have much future.

I was on and off with the same person from middle school until about 4 years ago. I put up with a lot in all those years and he was such a big part of my life for so long that I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to not have him in it, even as a friend. A couple of months before we broke up for the last time we went ring shopping and he put down a deposit and said he was going to propose within the year. I was very excited and started planning our wedding and looking for dresses. During that time it was as if I could see our relationship clearly and I just knew I couldn’t spend the rest of my life with him as he was. Day by day it got worse and I just had this feeling in my gut that I couldn’t go through with it and I couldn’t keep putting up with the job god person that he was because of love, family and time spent. I broke it off and a year later I met my FH, got engaged, we have a child and we’re getting married in 9 months. It may hurt like hell now but you never know who or what your future has in store for you. Believe people when they tell you they don’t want to be with you. Only two things can come of this, you may work out or you may not. Focus on yourself and being the best you and everything will fall into place. It’s going to be rough but you have to love your more. Let him worry about himself get his own stuff together it sounds like he was a lot of stuff to unpack. Give him the room to do it and keep in mind how he treated you during this period. Again we can’t fix or change people only ourselves. You’re happiness is your priority. Good luck and stay strong. Love will happen to you either with him or someone else but only accept the love you deserve.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Take time for yourself, get some counseling and think more about what you want for a life partner

It doesn't matter why he is being this way--bad childhood, fear of commitment, etc. And being "fair' has nothing to do with it. You need to think about what is good for you. And being with someone who is this changeable, has this fear of commitment, and would just kick you out of what was supposed to be your joint house is not it. Even if he changed his mind and proposed again, do you want to spend your life with someone who could do this again?

I'm sorry what's going on...theres no right answer of what to do. 11 years a long time. Him being scared of commitment is probably what's running him away...i wouldn't be able to trust him when he does "figure" out what he wants. After 12 years he honeslty should know not to be running away. You would expect more from someone who you known half your life. Good luck and hope you receive closure in the most positive way.

As a poster said when a person shares with you where they are and it doesn't line up with where you think you are, believe them. Yes 11 years is a long time, but I'd return the ring and move on. Save yourself, your money and your time for someone who values y.o.u.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this right now, I couldn't even imagine how hard this is on you. In ways I can relate to you of being in a very long relationship with a person, my fiance and I have been together for 9 years and have known each other for half of our lives so I understand why you would have all of these questions pop in your head.

I believe that you did the right thing in replying "I'm going to step aside till you figure out what you want." I also agree with PP of you should figure out what you want too, because I will say when someone says that they don't love you like they used to and you know that they have commitment issues, that is a huge red flag in my eyes and I know hearing those words coming out of someone that you have known for half of your life would hurt immensely. Because 11 years is a long time and there is a lot of history so I understand the struggle of holding onto the history, but also you need to be happy and you do deserve somebody that will love you right and doesn't feel the need to back out.

I really hope that things work out for you in the end and I hope you find happiness in whatever you decide to do. If you ever need someone to talk to about this you can always message me on here.

Best of luck to you! Sending virtual hugs!

Awwww. I want to give you hug. I'm praying its just his fear and anxiety. People do strange things when fear takes over. I'm strong will person so I would say stand your ground. If marriage is what you want then don't settle for anything less. If you start to settling now you will be throughout your relationship and you will end up being unhappy with your choice that you've giving away. Pray about it, maybe he needs more time. Don't put your life on hold waiting for answer when he's giving you one that may be hard to except.

Wow! 11 years is a long time. He should of known by now. I’ll say have a a conversation with him if he’s not whiling to give up his commitment issues to marry you, why should you be whiling to handle his behavior when deep inside you know you deserve better. It’s always hard to leave someone that has been there with you for such a long time (I was in a relationship with my first bf for 6years) but just remember that time still goes by and more years are going to come so is now or latter if his behavior still continues. Good luck and please take your time sometime being used to somebody can be worse than loving them.

View Quoted Comment I have been reading every single one of your comments and I have been taking each of them to heart and mind. I will take my time to myself to figure it all out, but you all have made me realize that this is not what I want or deserve. Your words mean so much to me right now so thank you. I appreciate you

This relationship has no future, it sounds like he felt obligated to propose since thh hi is is the only relationship you’ve both been in and it felt like the next right step. But you’re still young and will find the person you’re meant to be with. It’s obviously not him. I’m so sorry. You can’t see it now, but hindsight will be 20/20 someday. It’s for the best, I promise.

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I wholeheartedly agree with you

Wait a minute............. you've been together for 11 years? and he's 26 now? So you've been exclusive since he was 15???? Has he ever had another adult relationship? Have you? I'm not saying I don't believe two young people can find their forever partner, my parents were sweethearts from their freshman year in high school and were happily married for 45 years until my mother's death. I found my husband of 48 years so far at age 18. But the world has changed, The roles of husbands and wives are no longer clearly defined and each couple has to work out what marriage looks like and means to them. You two need to be doing a LOT of talking about that. I agree with all the other posters who are your contemporaries...........you need to look at what you want, need and expect before moving forward.