Having Trouble with Groomsman

Why did you ask this guy to be in the wedding? He sounds incredibly obnoxious.

I just want to understand, her brother is the groomsmen that you are referring to? If he is this inconsiderate and self centered, why does she have to be around him so often? Is there a way she can distance that relationship? Does he have to be in the wedding party? Is this something you or she believes a conversation would help?

If I was your bride I would distance myself from him (spending less time around him) and not talk wedding around him. I would ask my FH to coordinate with him in the same way he is coordinating with all of the other groomsmen and stay as far away from his gray cloud as possible.

Why did you ask him to be a groomsman? It doesn't sound like either of you like him very much.

She should just stop sharing any details with him. He doesn't need to know about her WW activity or her wedding concerns. Don't give him an in.

Hopefully he's enough of an adult not to moon the guests going down the aisle. But if you get the sense that he's really not, have his father or someone else who he respects (ideally in his family -

these things go best if blood talks to blood) make it clear that he is expected to be a fucking grown-up and if he fails to do so there will be lasting repercussions for his relationship with his family for the foreseeable future.

All he needs to do is show up somewhat sober in the attire you selected. Do not worry about anything more. Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one. They don't always need to be shared. Just because he has one, doesn't mean it's of value or affects you.

ETA: grammar

Lol Constance I like how your comment implies some assholes should be shared, lmao at how you phrased that.

ETA she edited her comment.

Drake, you need to tell your brother to STFU. No, women don't need a man defending them, I get that. But this woman is about to be your family and you are aware of hurtful things this man says to her. Be firm with him and tell him that you won't stand for him disrespecting your wife and if he won't knock it off, he will be removed from the wedding.

When I chose my groomsmen, they were guys that I knew would help make things go smoother and would get along with my wife.

My FH said he'd knock him out lol but my advice is maybe taking him aside and telling him how it isn't his place to be an ass right now and if he doesn't like it, he doesn't have to be in the wedding.

@Lilybean, I figured I could leave that one open for effect.

This guy sounds like a dick. Stop sharing wedding plans/conversations with him.

I suppose all you can really do is limit your time around him. When he makes sexist comments about his sister's wedding planning, you can point out that you are planning too and it's not a gendered thing.

Well he sounds rude. I would ask him to be in the wedding but say "the second you say something to offend (wife's name) I'm going to have to ask you to only attend as a guest because the wedding is important to her"

He sounds immature, how old is he?

Thanks for all the support! He's 19. I didn't ask him, it has been decided that he would be a groomsman because of her parents.

Someone better keep him in check. It explains his immaturity, with him being 19.

If you didn't ask him then he's not a groomsman. Her parents don't get to pick your attendants.

I would have a conversation with him. And stress how important this day is to her, and you for that matter.

If he cannot be supportive and positive, maybe he shouldn't have a place in the bridal party going forward, in my opinion.

Just a thought as a bride... I know how stressful wedding planning can be especially with all the drama and I've so so so appreciated how supportive my FH has been- let me cry on him, been involved in helping me wedding planning and everything, telling me to rest and pampering me it's hard and stressful and hurtful when people act this way about your wedding (and we've had plenty of it!) but having my FH who is so supportive makes ALL the difference. Comfort and support her in whatever way touches her most.

Have a conversation with him and tell him that you do not accept any disrespecting behavior towards your FW. But honestly, he is 19! I would not even care about his opinion or behavior the same way I do not care about the behavior of a 10 year old.

How the heck did her parents get to decide? Are they paying? Your FW needs to talk to her parents about him being too immature for this.

So if he was appointed by her parents...insert side eye....and can't be ungroomsmen'd then we would be having a sit down talk with her parents. The conversation would go like this...meaning no disrespect at all Mr. and Mrs. _____ but Trevor is being a complete dick head. He ia stressing Stephanie out and I will not have my queen stressed on what is supposed to be the best most wonderful day of her life. IF you can't get him in check we are kicking him out of the wedding party. It is what it is

Have her parents talk to him. ASAP.