Having somebody i hate at my intimate bridal shower

Of course she doesn't have to attend. You really have one of two options here. You can just tell your future mother-in-law that you really just want to keep it to really close friends and family and want to keep it very intimate and would kindly asked if she not be allowed to attend. Or probably I would just tell her the truth that for some reason her best friend does not seem to really care for you and anytime you two have had interactions it hasn't been Pleasant and that for the shower you would prefer to have it be a pleasant time. I don't know her best friend but honestly if I didn't like someone I wouldn't go out of my way to go to their shower especially where a gift is expected.

Yes, she can. "I'm sorry, I already provided (insert host here) with the guest list. Unfortunately, we're not able to accommodate extra guests."

Absolutely! And under the circumstances, I would highly suggest it. It was rude of her to invite someone to a shower she isn’t hosting- especially someone she knows you do not like and are not close to. I can’t imagine why her friend would even want to attend!

If you’re not hosting, you don’t get to invite people! She was out of line to do that in the first place. But I wouldn’t be too worried about uninviting the friend since she obviously doesn’t like you. It’s not like your relationship is at stake.

Did she already ask the hostess? You really need to tell the hostess, reasons,then MIL. And make it clear that as you and MIL have a mutual dislike, it is totally inappropriate for her to be expected to buy you a gift ( to please MIL) , or attend a party in your honor. Talk to hostesses first, since they may have gotten her permission, host not knowing all the details. And you do not want MIL getting between you and the hostess. Is MIL planning to bring her to the wedding?

Since you will be having a l-o-n-g (hopefully) extended relationship with your MIL, you need to choose your words very carefully but yes, with such an intimate gathering of beloveds it must feel like a huge intrusion and you have a right to invite only those closest to you. Find out where your fiance fits in as its his mother, and make sure he understands and supports you. Make "I" statements about how you feel rather than "you" statements about this close friend to your MIL. For example, "I only chose a very small number of people whom I've known for years to come to the shower and I don't feel comfortable opening it up to others outside that circle. Although I know she's a great friend to you and I see how you would like her to be there, I don't know her well and would not feel comfortable having her there. I'm sure you understand." OR, if you do know her better than that, then something like "actually, in our last interactions she has made me feel quite uncomfortable and for this reason I chose not to invite her. I'm sure you understand." If your MIL is a really difficult person in general, then this is the beginning of a lot of this and you and your fiance may want to seek some short-term counseling with a therapist or your minister/priest/rabbi to discuss ways to have what you want and still try to keep the peace. As I said, this will likely be an ongoing issue and it's good if you can start owning your own truth and power now, just kindly, if that's possible.

Your FMIL is really overstepping boundaries. I would be livid if I was having a bridal shower planned for me, FMIL had nothing to do with it and had the audacity to invite someone she knows I don't like. Definitely communicate with the host and tell them the issue. Have them speak to FMIL and tell her that guest list has been finalized and said "friend" will not be accommodated. If she's mad, so be it. She should have thought about this from before. All the best

I hate this for you. MILs can be life sucking. Beard on this, she shouldn’t have been invited to the shower. You should have just kept it “business as necessary” and only had her at the wedding.


Is her Bff coming to the wedding? If not, use that as the excuse to keep her out.

I would have your FH deal with this and his mother and explain that although your FMIL decided to invite this woman, she is not invited.