Having Panic Attacks

Hey girl! I truly think it would be best for you to have a backup plan at this time. I am also from Upstate NY, But my wedding was in June so we had to postpone. The Gov of NY stated yesterday that he is not extending the stay in place order and he will allow parts of the state to open based on the case loads. I think with a September wedding you should be okay, but be ready for a backup plan. One of the other things to take into consideration is that all casinos in NY are closed until further notice. Since they are non-essential they will likely open in phase 4 according to the Gov (this could be at the end of June or July). Contact your vending team and find a backup date for next year; I wouldn't push for the end of the year because of the possibility of a second wave in the fall.

Yes; it gives so much more time to make everything perfect! It also gives time for you to enjoy all of the wedding planning instead of being sad and worried. After our weddings we will all be able to look back and talk about the story of this… I mean how many people have to cancel a wedding because of a virus!

I would wait and see. Anything can happen in the next few months and the states are slowly opening back up.

Minimally, I agree with pps who encouraged you to think seriously about at least a Plan B, if not Plans C, D, and whatever. Also, if having your dad, who is battling "an aggressive cancer," attend is a high priority, personally, I'd change your "Plan A" from a 200+ guest party to an intimate ceremony involving you, your fiance, dad, and officiant. Regardless of how "opened up" things are in September, I cannot imagine a scenario where someone undergoing treatment for an aggressive cancer should attend a large public gathering. We have family in Upstate NY, including a physician at a major teaching hospital, even in "rural" locations this is a deadly powderkeg that's not going away until there is a vaccine or herd-immunity, which is 70+% of the population, and even then it won't necessarily be "gone," just, hopefully, more manageable. If you're having panic attacks now, how much worse might they be in the coming months of planning and uncertainty?

There is at least one other similar post to yours going on this morning asking for opinions on a similar issue. Even if the casino reopens (which I would guess is a really big "IF," not exactly high on the list of "essential services"), realistically, how many of your guests will travel to attend the wedding? From what I remember of your previous posts, your social group includes many highly educated professionals with substantial career responsibilities and a fair number of frail family members. Do you think they will be willing to travel out of state or internationally for a wedding? I get that for you it's a critically important event, but what percentage of your guest list would gamble on their health to attend a party? How will you feel if a substantial number of guests decline?

Finally, again based on what I remember from your previous posts, I'm not sure getting married is going to change anything with your future step-daughter unless your future husband is going to change the relationship dynamic, but that's a completely different concern.

Good luck to you! I totally get how stressful this is for you and others, but maybe a way to lessen that stress is to rethink your plans. If being married soon is the most important consideration for you and FH, you can do that as soon as you can get a marriage license. If having your planned big traditional wedding without all the stress and uncertainty is your #1 goal, then I'd seriously consider postponing.

My wedding is in Upstate NY in October, so I understand your frustrations and concerns! It sounds like NY will start reopening in a few weeks, so hang tight! We are getting married on October 3rd in Cooperstown (I live very close to the casino, it's beautiful there and I can see why you chose it!) We haven't postponed, and I certainly hope you won't have to!

I'm so sorry you have to deal with the entitlement on top of the stress of the wedding. I'm sure that's a handful. We've decided not to plan a honeymoon until next year, probably spring, just in case! Africa sounds like a wonderful trip and I'm glad for you guys that you were able to postpone.

I'm also dealing with the fact that our wedding will be a 'destination' for some of the family, and most of my family will only have to travel a few hours. I've been holding on to my invitations, but I plan to FINALLY mail them at the end of the month. Honestly, if all else fails and I HAVE to mail a 'change the date' then I'm sure everyone will be expecting them anyway. It's terrible, but what else can you do, ya know? As far as surgery, that's a tough decision, and only you will know whats right for that! If you need it to walk and dance at your wedding, then go for it! Don't put your health at risk.

Good luck with everything! Just keep planning no matter the case!

I agree with you completely! There definitely needs to be a completely different plan. I don't know how someone would even think about hosting that big of a gathering when the pandemic is nowhere near being over. In 1918, the first wave killed 3-5 million people. The second wave killed near 50 million. People need to start taking this seriously before they jeopardize the lives of everyone they love and their own. The coronavirus is absolutely no joke. The symptoms just seem to keep climbing and the percentage death rate keeps rising. A perfect dream lavish huge wedding is definitely NOT essential.

Oh okay. To an outsider picking up on the things you've said in your original post, it came off as really tone deaf. I wasn't trying to fight with you but stating what seemed off in your post. I countlessly wished you the best for your wedding if you weren't selfish, if you had other intentions, plans, etc. Now that you've explained it a bit further, the situation is easier to understand when it's less vague.

I really do feel bad for brides during this time and pray for their weddings to be nice. I totally understand their situation. Like I said, I have to postpone mine too potentially, but it's not as soon as 2020. The first thing that came to my mind were the guests and their well being. Knowing that a vaccine wouldn't be out in September like all the doctors/scientists are saying.... and you saying "I'm not changing it" it looked like you were just gonna risk it all for a wedding.

If I have made you feel badly, my apologies.

Also, this account is an account I made on the spot to reply. I do have another account on this site. This site is really amazing for planning and asking questions and learning about the wedding process.

Best of luck to you.

Ah. I have been praying and hoping this coronavirus goes away as soon as possible. I hope your parent's health get better. I am also planning a destination wedding and have life issues as well so I can feel for you. It does really suck and yes, wedding planning does make it feel better for sure. Keep planning it and keep your head up! We will get through this with patience and trust.

I also have anxiety and trust me when I say, I know the feeling of being overwhelmed and feeling trapped. All I do is try to take it day by day. Just focus on one thing that needs to be done in the wedding each day. There's so much to do. So, I immerse myself in those activities. As for your FH being stressed, maybe you guys can do something relaxing together. Remind each other that things won't always remain terrible. It gets better.

Also think of a time when you did something really fun like traveled, vacation, or something.

Then, think of a time before that when you were at a really low point.

That exercise shows that even when you were feeling super terribly and didn't think it could get better, you met your FH. You did happy things. You felt happiness again. And before that, you didn't know you'd experience that happiness.

So trust.

With this situation, just know that, a time will come when you can smile again and look back to this situation and time and be like... wow, how different that was from how I feel right now.

Day by Day! Do something that makes you happy each day. Even if it's wedding things! And other activities with your FH.

Pricey venues are such a bummer. But that sounds so cute, to have a wedding where you had your first date!

And that sounds like a plan. Harry Potter theme is really unique in my experience. You should check out some Harry Potter themed weddings on Youtube if you haven't already. I've seen one on there and it looked like fun. The only good thing I've found about this stay at home thing is it's just easier for me to focus on the wedding when everyone is at home. I don't know why but it makes me productive than when everyone's moving in this fast life. It felt like everything was spinning and a race against time, the vendors, etc. But now, it's slowed down a lot and I can breathe a little.

I know what you mean with the not eating healthy! I've been messing up too and gaining some pounds and it's been bothering me. Like I gotta start exercising and eating right again routinely. Ah, I've heard of SIMS4 but haven't played it lol. But I'm glad it's helping you out.

I hope your procedure goes well and hopefully recovery is faster than they say!

Thank you for your wishes, I hope planning goes how you want it too