Having issue with moh and bridesmaids

Sorry you’re dealing with crappy “friends”

Don’t stress that drama . If someone talked about you to other friends than it’s 100% for the best she is not part of your bridal party. I would say if your FH has more groomesman than you have bridesmaids I would suggest you have them walk individually instead of coupled up . Don’t lose focus on the MAIN topic here , your love for FH. Yeah your girls are important but to be honest their issues most likely has much more to do about them than it has to do about you . Goodbye to that negative energy and hello to positive REAL friend energy .

I'm not sure what you are waiting for them to 'reach out and check on planning' for. Why would they be reaching out about that if you already picked out the dress?

Also, that is expensive for a bridesmaid dress. Had you discussed budget with each one prior to and knew that was an okay amount? And i'm sorry to burst your bubble, but to anyone but you, planning the wedding is a chore. I think planning my own wedding is a chore and I certainly never wanted to help plan a friends wedding.

I don't think they should be ghosting you, but now that they have the dress picked out there is nothing they need to do and dresses don't have to be ordered for a while.

View Quoted Comment It’s not that I want them helping me plan the entire wedding it is more so their attitudes about it. They accepted to be in my wedding, and now they are acting like they don’t want to be. Not even saying how are you doing, or just being nice and ask if I need help. What’s the point of a MOH and BMs if they aren’t going to do anything besides take pictures and stand there the day of. To me I think there should be much more meaning than that.

I mean when I see my friends they ask me about wedding planning or if I tell one of them about hair and makeup. Nobody sits there and texts me though asking how is it going. Your wedding is your wedding. Yes you can expect them to be excited for you but maybe they are PO about the price of the dress. I wouldn't have let them argue about a color. The color choice is solely your choice. It seems overall they are being crappy friends. But I personally, as the bride, wouldn't want my bridesmaids paying a lot. I specifically found the cheapest good quality hair and makeup ladies I could find. I also don't want them to pay a lot for a dress that is bland. I hope that your dress you chose is worth that amount. My one friend said her other friend had them buy $200 dresses and I laughed because there was nothing memorable or stand-outish about the dresses for them to have cost that much. She didn't try to get something more affordable for them. In any case it sucks you had to drop people. You just have to work with what you've got!

Yeah it sucks. I just chose the dresses and colors on Azazie. I just don’t think they really cared to be apart. Everything was good until the dress shopping. I know that the MOH and my other BM which is my FSIL we’re getting very frustrated because I couldn’t make up my mind yet....

I don’t want to come across as sounding mean, but it’s your responsibility as the organizer of the wedding to be reaching out to them. Asking people on a budget to spend up to $190 of a dress is kind of rough... especially because that’s not the only expense you’re expecting them to cover. They need nails, shoes, hair, makeup, your shower, your bachelorette... possibly time off work for other events. Yes, the accepted the role, but I think you should consider readjusting your expectations. I wouldn’t lose friends over this. I’ve reached out to check in with my bridesmaids about their dresses, the most expensive one costing $120. And I even bought one of them their dress since they’re in a financial bind. I’m also confused that you were mad at them for “being into themselves” when trying on their dresses. Of course they would be! You could have separated out the first half of the appointment for them to try on dresses, and the second half for you so you would feel more attention, but you blended them all together. Being a bridesmaid IS a chore. You can do your best to make it fun, but ultimately they’re spending money and time on you, and you should be grateful. You can’t get mad at them for not reaching out to you when you appear to not be reaching out to them either. Again, I’m not trying to be mean! But maybe take a step back and look at the situation from a different perspective.

Again. I said topped out at $190. I think Azazie is pretty reasonable and they even give you sample dresses to try and then avoid less alterations. I am pretty greatful but I guess I didn’t explain the story in specific detail. It is what it is

View Quoted Comment Also, I’ve reached out to them numerous times.

I think it is hard to combine wedding dress & bridesmaids dress shopping, and probably a mistake for women planning their weddings going forward. Did you ask what exactly all their budgets were? I'm sorry they are treating you this way, but it sounds like they weren't exactly sure what being a MOH or BM entailed.

View Quoted Comment

I got dresses from azazie - they were $120 at the top of the price range, I didn't even know azazie had such expensive dresses. Beyond a basic hem which I can do myself, I've been a bridesmaid 5 times and NEVER ONCE gotten alterations on my bridesmaid dress. Was one slightly awkward fitting? Yes, but it was for one night, I would have been very put off if my friend suggested forking out another $50-100 for alterations on top of a dress cost that I would only wear once. I reserve alterations for clothes that I am going to wear often.

Again, I just think you have a lot of expectations of what they should do. Not a single one of my bridesmaids have reached out being 'How's the wedding planning?' because they don't need to. They are all adults with busy lives that don't revolve around my wedding. When they need to know information, I pass it along. Only 2 of the 3 are coming to my bach because that is what time allows and only 1 of 3 will be at my shower. That is fine with me. I would obviously love to see them more, but 1 is across the country, 1 just started a new job and has limited time, and 1 has a young child. I'm just thrilled that the 3 of them are giving up any of their limited free time to do things with me and for me and if all they can make is the rehearsal and wedding, then it will be great.

It doesn't sound like we know all the details here, but I was a bridesmaid last June and paid 190 for a dress 60 for hair (it was required and we had to pay) 25-30 for nails, and 80 for specific shoes. I didnt really complain cuz I have a good job and can afford it, but I know the MOH was not happy about it and tried to scam money from the bridesmaids and bride's mom's friends (but that's another story lol) but I honestly can't remember helping out a lot with wedding planning. I didnt want to overstep on her plans. And I'm not a huge texter though, so that could also be an issue? I mean, maybe a simple convo with each individual girl would help... but then again, I dont know what kind of negative things were said behind your back. If the friendships are worth saving, I would talk to them though.

Sorry u are going through this at one of the most stressful time (planning) just a word of advice these ladies can care less how you feel because some believe bridesmaids are only to be there and pay for the dress! Lord knows don’t ask them to have their hair a certain way or a specific type of shoes that means you have to pay for it! I totally understand how you feel just remember at the end of the day you will be marrying the love of your life and the ppl that wants to be there will be!

Thank you for the kind advice, Tebria. It’s unfortunate when egos have to get in the way that spoils the potential of the special day and meaning. I don’t require them to spend a ton of money. I was planning paying for their hair toward part of their gift and being there.

I could just tell after the dress shopping get together 2 of the girls minds shifted and became super negative and rude. Lots of mis communication etc.

Did you ask each of them their budget prior to dress shopping? You don't get to decide how much they spend on the dress or what is reasonable. Asking them to be a part of your day is exactly that. For them to show up on your wedding and stand beside you. If you were expecting more out of them then you should have probably discussed that with them when you asked if they wanted to be in your wedding.

As for your friends talking crap that is a pretty crappy thing to do. Maybe they were voicing their frustrations with the wedding because they felt they couldn't talk to you about it? Idk.

I have a MOH that is being awful. Everything has been about HER and she wants to take over. She yelled at me on the phone. Told me not to talk about it to the other girls and now I find out she has been texting and video chatting with them to talk about HER feelings. I am so over it! I haven't asked her to step down yet....but I am so Frustrated. I totally get where you are coming from. People sometimes show their true colors.

View Quoted Comment I know!

its totally not easy. You would think that when someone accepted to be the MOH they actually feel important and wanting to be there for the bride with open arms with support. I definitely get that everyone has their own lives and of course I don’t expect them to help me plan everything at all. What I mean is them just feeling happy, uplifting, them wanting to be there on the big day. The girls I picked did not seem to have that attitude.