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Kelly
Dedicated September 2018

Having a friend or family member ordained to marry you

Kelly, on June 1, 2018 at 11:49 AM Posted in Wedding Ceremony 1 36
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My FH and I are stuck on who will marry us. We each had someone in mind who we wanted to marry us. Each was a pastor. His pick is no longer ordained and will not even be available on our date. My pick is no longer in the state. He's too far away. We were thinking of searching for a pastor or officiant until my mom suggested we have a friend become ordained to marry us. Ever since then, we've entertained the idea of doing so, instead of finding a stranger to marry us, who we will never see again. (Our wedding is on a beach 3 hours away so we would never see the person again) And yes, it is allowed in the state we live in!

So question is this: If you had a friend or relative ordained to marry you, who did you pick? How did you pick them? What kind of ceremony did you have? Tell me everything about it that you're willing to share! Most importantly, are you happy you made the choice instead of having to find someone you're less familiar with? Thanks in advance!

36 Comments

Latest activity by Kelly, on June 1, 2018 at 9:43 PM
  • K
    Dedicated July 2018
    Keirstin ·
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    I am getting married by my FIL. Maybe do someone who is close to you and unable to be in the wedding. A sibling? Cousin? Also take in account to have someone who will take it seriously, but still have a good time.
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  • Kelly
    Dedicated September 2018
    Kelly ·
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    Good tip! Thank you
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  • Sarah
    Master June 2016
    Sarah ·
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    Is this legal where you live? In some states/counties, online ordinations are not valid. We chose a professional because the last thing I wanted to do was mess with the legality and end up not actually married (this has happened to previous users on this forum).
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  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly ·
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    We are having FH’s uncle marry us. He’s ordained online and has done several weddings before. We are having an interfaith ceremony as FH is Jewish and I am Christian. We met with his uncle for about an hour and talked about what we want and didn’t want and he is going to start writing up a ceremony and we will go back and forth editing it.
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  • F
    Super August 2018
    FutureMrsO ·
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    We are having a close family friend marry us. We didn't want a family member because we wanted our families to be able to sit back and enjoy the ceremony and really watch and take it all in. We also didn't want it to seem like we were favoriting one side of the family over another. So we asked one of my family friends and he got ordained the same day and we're all set! We initially had an officiant booked but after reading some bad reviews that came out after we booked him, we didn't want to take the risk and cancelled. So this was a good alternative for us since we couldn't get our deposit back and we had someone who was more than willing to do this for us.

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  • Kelly
    Dedicated September 2018
    Kelly ·
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    Yes, I said in my post that it was
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  • Kelly
    Dedicated September 2018
    Kelly ·
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    Ok thanks for your feedback!
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  • Kelly
    Dedicated September 2018
    Kelly ·
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    That's a good point about not choosing family!! Thank you!
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  • Teresa
    Super September 2018
    Teresa ·
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    We are having my dad marry us. This will be the 2nd wedding he performs (he has another one booked for after us). He has gone through all the requirements for our states and county so he is good there. We are having a very traditional ceremony, not doing any type of unity ceremony.


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  • Aly
    Expert June 2018
    Aly ·
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    FH and I wanted a friend to marry us, to make it more personal and meaningful. We picked someone who is a mutual friend and that we met together - instead of someone either of us knew prior to our relationship. We wanted the relationship to feel balanced. Our friend is already ordained, so it was easy peasy.

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  • OrangeCrush
    Super October 2017
    OrangeCrush ·
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    We had a friend marry us - he became ordained to do so. Personally, I would advice against it but if you do, please do the following: Make it VERY clear what your expectations are in terms of the wording in the service, rehearsals, etc.

    Our friend (hubby's friend, really) was very cavalier about rehearsals, kept rejecting what I wrote in terms of readings and being a lifelong bachelor (my hubby was a first time groom at 52) had no clue what a wedding entailed. It turned out fine - our service was short and sweet and we are legally married. But he added extra stress that did not need to be present. I truly think people seriously underestimate how much work being an officiant is and how critical to the day he or she is, not just the legal sense.

    I had two guests (my former boss and another good friend) who are officiants and I was prepared to ask them last minute if ours did not shape up.

    As for who picked him, this friend volunteered to to do it, hubby said yes w/out asking me. (We can get to that another day, lol.)

    Good luck to you!

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  • A
    Expert September 2019
    Anna ·
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    I’m getting married by a family friend. He’s known me since I was 8, and does weddings on the side, so he was my first choice . If you have any siblings or uncles/aunts that are willing to do it I would ask them. We are having a wedding at our reception venue. Not sure on what kind of ceremony aside from us writing our own vows. I’m hoping he’ll let us say a prayer since 90% of the family is religious (we don’t belong to a church so we can’t get married in one)
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  • S
    Devoted November 2018
    shante ·
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    I am getting married by FMIL. I want to have someone who at least knows one of us personally.

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  • MrsSnez
    Super October 2018
    MrsSnez ·
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    FH's SIL got ordained 3-4 years ago to marry his cousin and since then she's done quite a few for family/friends. She's doing the ceremony for his other cousin in July and then ours in August! We wanted someone who knew us personally, but we're also having a DW so we literally wouldn't even meet a standard officiant face to face until the day of!
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  • Lex
    VIP September 2019
    Lex ·
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    FH reallllly wants his grandpa to marry us, he’s legally ordained in the church so we wouldn’t have any legal problems.
    Hes just very religious and we aren’t so much and I don’t want our wedding to be all centered around something that’s not really important to us. FH is a push over when it comes to family, so he wouldn’t say anything about it, I’d have to be the one to say something.
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  • Kelly
    Dedicated September 2018
    Kelly ·
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    That's really sweet and a great way to make the decision. And we want to be married by someone meaningful to us too! Thanks!
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  • Kelly
    Dedicated September 2018
    Kelly ·
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    That's so cool!!
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  • Kelly
    Dedicated September 2018
    Kelly ·
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    Thank you! I will keep it all in mind! I appreciate you sharing your experience
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  • Kelly
    Dedicated September 2018
    Kelly ·
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    A family friend isn't something I thought about! Thank you for the idea. We don't belong to a church either, but its something we both want to get back into and go regularly.
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  • Kelly
    Dedicated September 2018
    Kelly ·
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    We are also having a DW so that's why we are stuck on this idea. That's so cool your SIL can do it!
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