Having a friend officiate

We've asked my FHs cousin to officiate our wedding. He's a great speaker and he's very close with FH and it would mean more to us having him do it rather than a random person we don't know.

We're having my brother in law officiate our wedding. I do not want someone random because a)I think it's much more special to know the person and b) at the last wedding I went to (FH's cousins wedding) the officiant pronounced her last name wrong! Ugh it made me cringe and I felt so bad for her

Nobody on WW can help you with the legality, as it's different per state and city. Celia is kind of the reigning authority on this subject, but the general consensus on WW is that your friends shouldn't officiate your wedding. It's a LOT of work, and it's not some random person who shows up. There's lots of meetings and getting to know the couple. It can also be a LOT of pressure on the friend/family member you ask not to mess up, say anything stupid in front of X number of family and friends, and public speaking is not everyones cup of tea.

I urge you and your FH to think about this a little bit more, it's a big thing to ask a friend.

It is legal in the state of KY, my friend is officiating our wedding because neither of us are religious and would rather have someone we know and care about and cares about us do the reading for our wedding. Our friend is ordained, best place to do it is online.

http://www.themonastery.org/wedding-laws/kentucky

Nope. Not unless they have TONS of public speaking experience. Don't worry Celia will be here in a minute to explain

I have a close friend who is also an officiant doing ours. Eh probably would have been in the bridal party had he not offered to be the officiant. And he will be around for all pre wedding events. He's been certified for about 10 yrs now and has done everyone in our friend group. I would not just pick a close friend and hope they do ok. What if they can't public speak? What if they get nervous? Too risky in my opinion.

My fiancés mom married his brother and now ex wife....

FH's friend got ordained a while ago and has married a couple other people. His day job is as a communications director. He got ordained online. Every wedding I've been to that had a friend or family member officiate has been really cool.

Yeah I know someone who did this.

They weren't legally married. Didn't find out until a month later when she went to the Social Security office. So they ended up having to just do a courthouse thing for the legal stuff, 6 weeks after their wedding.

States don't want to let anyone be able to marry people. That's how you get a bunch of drunk "marriages" that the courts then have to clean up. So there are a lot of hoops to jump through, and some states, like VA, make it virtually impossible unless that person happens to already be an ordained minister in another county or state.

I would be wary. I went to a wedding where they had a friend get ordained for the same reason and it was, a cluster. The dude had never done it before. Had prepared NOTHING, and fumbled over all his words. It was awful. I was embarrassed for my friend. She should've just hired somebody. It was so so so bad. Just....bad.

A close friend of mine had a mutual friend of her FI and her and the ceremony was beautiful! The wedding already an intimate one, so it worked out just fine.

We are having a friend. But our friend is also a pastor. So, I may not count.

My FH's aunt is becoming a justice of the peace and marrying us! She had to go to the town hall of the town she lives in and talk to the town clerk, file some papers and get approved. I suggest calling your town officials and asking what your friend can do to marry you guys.

Ok, well I am on the "friend officiant" side of things, and I would still advise you to really think about this. We are having one of my best friends perform our wedding ceremony, but only because she has done other weddings before and really wanted to do it again. She's also the person who is responsible for us meeting each other. But...she asked us, not the other way around. She is also an actress and singer, so she is used to being in front of crowds of people. If it weren't for these circumstances, I would have definitely hired a pro. I would not just ask someone to take on this responsibility, as this is a HUGE thing to ask of someone. And people might be afraid to say no, even if they don't think they can handle it.

Do you have someone who has expressed an interest in being your officiant? If not, I would advise hiring a professional.

My FH's brother-in-law is going to be the officiant for our wedding. He has been ordained and has done several weddings before. I think that as long as the person is okay with speaking in public and has some experience, it is okay. I'm honestly going along with it because it's what FH and his family want. I would have been okay with hiring a minister.

I personally love this idea! We are going to ask my grandfather to be our officiant. We also don't want some random person playing such a huge role, in one of the most important days of our lives!

My best friend from high school officiated our wedding. We were all from the same town (husband, my friend and myself) and he is the reason my husband and I even started dating.

He had never officiated before, but he killed it. He was so happy to be there and even got a little misty eyed. Sure it wasn't perfect, but it was my best friend marrying me to my husband. I regret absolutely nothing.

My only two cents? Pick someone you think would actually want to do it. Public speaking is a huge, huge issue for a LOT of people, and having it be such a huge occasion puts a lot of stress. When I asked my friend, I told him to let me know in two weeks. I really wanted him to think about it.

The perk of a professional is that they can probably more easily come up with a ceremony, however that was my husbands project. He created our ceremony. We had our bridal party assist in our unity ceremony (truce bell!) and the reading to break it up. Our officiant had to speak for only a few minutes total, so keep it short for them.

I'm pretty sure it's legal in most states.

My friend was ordained through The AMM, you can find their website. I think it was free and took little time. We are legally married and it all went fine. Just make sure you know what needs to be signed and take care of it and make copies of EVERYTHING.

My advice: hire someone. I know it's tempting to want a friend but if you haven't done a wedding it can go south fast. I've heard the "friend officiant" at friends weddings either talk about themselves most of the time, say inappropriate things, either about the couple or in general, and just crash and burn because most people suck at public speaking. Hire an officiant, thank me later.

Much of this, as I am sure you can gather from the variety of experiences, depends on the friend. If you do have a friend officiate, make sure it is someone who you think has a lot of personal responsibility and who will take it seriously. Also make sure they are comfortable speaking in public and that they will rehearse. I would also recommend writing the script for them so that they don't have to come up with it. It can be really nice when done well.

One of my FH's best friend was ordained to marry one of our other good friends. We asked him to marry us, because he knows us completely. It's going to be way more personable than just hiring some random person. He is a great speaker, and I know there will be many tears and laughs. We will be his 4th wedding to perform. If he wasn't marrying us, he would have been in the wedding party.