Having a Big Wedding i Never Wanted

I wanted to elope. My fiance felt very strongly about having a wedding. We have less than 100 people on the guest list to help make it affordable. We're also going on our honeymoon a year later so we can save money for it.

As for you dancing in the center of a circle, I've never actually seen that. Does that happen a lot with your friend group? If so, maybe let people know you don't want that.

Yup, I was fine with skipping the big wedding and skipping getting married in general. While I understand and appreciate that marriage is a really important step in a lot of relationships, I personally feel as though I don't need it to prove my commitment. Marriage is important to my fiancé and he really wanted to celebrate with friends and family. He's the last of his generation to get married and I'm the first in mine, so we decided to do the big wedding for our families. Thankfully he's helped the entire time and hasn't just left me to plan it all - I think I would've given up a long time ago lol. We invited just under 170 people, though we could've easily invited 300 if we wanted to. Both of us wanted closer to 100, but that was pretty much just family and none of our friends or others we truly wanted there (not just out of obligation) so that wasn't possible. We've been getting comments from both of our moms nonstop about how terrible it is that we can't invite so and so, and how we need to invite them if someone RSVPs no to "fill all of the seats."

It's been very stressful having everyone look to me when it comes to criticizing decisions that we made together. Everyone assumes that because I'm the bride I'm running the show, which isn't true. 95% of decisions made are made together or double checked with the other person. People in our families that have never been even a little rude to us have been just straight up mean and it's really disheartening considering that this whole big wedding is mostly for them. I went from being angry and frustrated at having every decision scrutinized by people to just sad and was really down for like 2 weeks. This whole process has been an emotional rollercoaster.

Instead of scaling back, we've both decided we're just doing what we want. It's not going to be traditional and we're not inviting great-aunt Betty that hasn't been seen in 8 years. Once I started really just focusing on our vision of the day and stopped listening to the opinions of everyone else it's gotten better.

My fiancé has been wanting to elope instead for like 2 months now, but it's too late and we'd have to pay for the whole thing anyway. Thankfully he takes my playful "I didn't want any of this anyway so we're stuck here together" comments well. I am looking forward to marrying him, and I am excited to see some of the people we're inviting who have been so sweet and supportive this whole time. We're definitely both just looking forward to getting the day over with so we can go on our honeymoon though lol.

WE ARE THE SAME BRIDE hahaha I totally get it!! I envisioned a completely different wedding when we first got engaged. I had a dream that we went to a courthouse with our parents and siblings and then met up with some close friends at a restaurant afterwards. Literally my DREAM wedding! But we understand it means a lot to our parents to have all of our family and friends come together for a happy occasion... I also opted out of having an engagement party, bridal shower, bachelorette party, and a traditional wedding party. Just really didn't want a fuss over me since the actual wedding is going to be a big fuss. What I am doing at this point is making sure the day is organized in a way where we can enjoy it and not feel like we are busy the whole time. We are getting all pictures DONE before the ceremony so that we can thank all of our guests for coming during cocktail hour and then we have a table just the two of us to sit and eat our food and join our guests when we are ready to dance and have fun. After the formal reception we are getting changed, having a small more casual after-party at our favorite restaurant with just family and close friends to wind down. Just try to carve out small meaningful moments for yourselves amidst such a BIG day!

Lol I ran into a similar situation, but from the opposite angle. I always wanted a big wedding with lots of friends and family, but when COVID hit, we got TONS of pressure to elope, have a minimony, or get married at the courthouse, and then maybe have a celebration later on. I firmly believe everyone is entitled to their own preferences, especially with how they choose to work around COVID, and mine was to wait to have one big event rather than a small one and possibly something else afterwards. There's not a shadow of a doubt that I would have regretted listening to someone else and sacrificing what I wanted.

My best advice is to stick to your guns. If you don't want a shower or huge bachelorette party, don't have them. If you don't want to be in the center of the dance floor all night, don't let anyone pressure you into it. EVERYONE has thoughts and opinions on how weddings should be, but the reality is that there's not one "right" way of having a wedding. Make the day what you and your future spouse want it to be, and have a great time