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Yudmila
Beginner October 2019

Have you ever have doubts ??? 😓

Yudmila, on August 9, 2019 at 12:11 AM Posted in Planning 0 7
I am very liberal, little feminist, and independent. We have been together for 5 years now, I have a daughter who will be 2 in September, and we finally decided to get married 3-4 months ago, our wedding it’s on October 11th. We have different cultures I am Cuban he is Serbian both very stubborn, and the difference of culture makes everything harder I guess. So here is my issue: we argue very strong 2 days ago we keep it calm in front of friends but I am thinking 🤔 is it what I really want? Do I really want to spend the rest of my live with him ?? But I cannot find an answer !!!
si I ask you girls ..... how do you know you want it to last forever and be certain of it ?

7 Comments

Latest activity by Florida Marlins, on August 9, 2019 at 10:24 AM
  • Mrsbdg
    Champion August 2017
    Mrsbdg ·
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    We can answer this for ourselves but each situation is very different.

    I always highly recommend pre-marital counseling with a qualified marriage and family therapist to make sure you are equipped with healthy communication and coping skills prior to such a big commitment.

    Personally, I knew because my husband and I share goals, interests, beliefs, and priorities. He and I have good communication and don’t so much as fight as we argue our point. We seem to resolve conflict well and enjoy each other’s company. Do I know it’s built to last? No. I just know that we seem to be on the right track for now and know we can seek help at any time we feel like we are going off track.
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  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
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    I'm a liberal feminist too. I also used to wonder if I was making a mistake or possibly limiting myself by marrying FH. But I've found that's not the case. If anything, FH helps me express my individuality more and I'm still free with him. I think if it's the right person, your significant other won't make you feel like you're being restricted.

    I don't know what the argument was about, but I feel it's normal to question sometimes. Marriage is a huge step and a legal one, too. The decision is up to you, and only you can decide if you want to spend forever with FH Smiley heart

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  • D
    Super July 2020
    D ·
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    We had been together for 12 years when I proposed.
    It took A LOT OF WORK to get to the point where I was ready for marriage. Love wasn't the issue. We worked hard on ourselves and on us a couple throughout the years. We've matured, learned to communicate better, be better partners, and endured a rocky road along the way.
    We promised each other we would always fight for us and to never stop trying. At some time or another only one of us would have the strength to fight for us but it was all that was needed.
    I think it was when I realized my partner and I had finally grown into our potential I knew without doubt.

    It's okay not to be ready for marriage. It's okay to need to make changes. You'll be ready when you know.
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  • Arielle
    Expert August 2020
    Arielle ·
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    My fiance and I share a lot of the same goals, values, beliefs, and are interested in a lot of the same things. We have had many conversations about our future before we got engaged about what we want in life. I think if we were far off of our expectations in this life it wouldn't have worked out. But luckily, we have a lot of the same priorities and ideas for our future together. A big thing for me was that I used to be super co-dependent, (I used to talk about how I wouldn't be one those girls, but truth be told, I was) and I had to learn to keep parts of our lives separate. Over time a lot of our friends became friends and our relationship and life grew together. I haven't ever questioned whether or not I want to spend the rest of my life with my FH, but I have questioned some of the things he's said or his intention behind doing something, or things like that... we aren't perfect. We fight too, it's not often but it does happen... it's a relationship and none are perfect. I just know he's it.

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  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
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    Exactly this!!!

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  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    As PP said, counseling (couples and individual) may be beneficial.

    For me, I've known for years. I am also a feminist. We have been together for 6 years. We are a team. He has always supported me in my endeavors, and I him. We both have similar goals for the future and work together to achieve those goals. We enjoy each other's company and are great friends. When I think of a romantic partnership, our relationship fits that to a tee. This is how I knew he was the right one. Even the proposal was egalitarian! We actually were just having a conversation about the future and mutually decided we should get married.
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  • Florida Marlins
    Expert October 2017
    Florida Marlins ·
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    I would also recommend couples counseling to get clear and accessible tools on how to handle conflict as you WILL have conflict, it is a part of life.

    Look, I was a second time bride as I was divorced from my first husband. It took a LOOOONG time for me to be ready, I thought I would never be ready, lol.

    I would ask yourself: Is it more work than not to be in this relationship? I am not advocating breaking up, I am not suggesting it. Just ask yourself: Is this who I wanna hang with till the sun burns out?

    You asked: "how do you know you want it to last forever and be certain of it?" My honest answer is because we want it to be forever and we are willing to compromise (NOT change) and work through things.

    It helps 100% that my hubby and I line up on all social and political issues. That helps A LOT.

    You say you have a daughter together - are you getting married because of her? I hope I am not over stepping but I need to ask - I have seen way too many people get married because they think they should. You should want to get married because you 100% dig each other, not because of an external force. I remarried when I was 52 and did not need to - I was not financially dependent on anyone, had my own thing going on, life was good! No, I never had doubts, ever. And I doubted myself PLENTY the first time round - took me 17 years to decide to end it.

    Best wishes and keep us posted!

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