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Dedicated August 2018

Have you ever had family not come to your wedding?

Sammie, on August 18, 2017 at 9:33 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 34
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We recently sent out our invitations and I just heard back from my dad's family (6 aunts/uncles, 8 cousins and grandparents. They all RSVP'd no. There is no tension or fighting between our families but they live about 5 state away (and money can SOMETIMES be tight for them, but not always). We sent them our save the dates (with the location included) 8 months before the wedding (so they would know in advance and to start saving if money was going to be an issue).

But now I feel completely hurt that they all said no. I understand that money can sometimes be a barrier for them, but still it hurts. My dad told me they will all be there in spirit and not to have it ruin my day. I guess I'm just venting.

Has this ever happened to any of you? How did you get over the hurt?

34 Comments

Latest activity by Nichole, on September 20, 2021 at 5:43 PM
  • MrsCohen
    Master July 2017
    MrsCohen ·
    • Flag

    We had an Aunt and Uncle with their two children on my husbands side not come. We were surprised they weren't coming. They never explained to us why. But told others in the family why and while their reason was weird (at least to us, something about the uncle refusing to drive over bridges), it was what it was. We got a card from them a month after the wedding. We didn't let it bother us. Your dad is right, it won't ruin your day. Sometimes it just happens.

    • Reply
  • Maria
    Master June 2018
    Maria ·
    • Flag

    I didn't go to my cousin's wedding. I hope he doesn't feel the way you do. Please don't take it personally. Sometimes family can't make it. 5 states away is a lot of traveling. Some people can't make it work even if you tell them in advance.

    • Reply
  • ThePeoplesBride
    VIP October 2020
    ThePeoplesBride ·
    • Flag

    Well, I wouldn't pin down the reason to just money. They are 5 states away, as you said. Their jobs could be an issue and they aren't able to take the time off. Or they have had recent financial issues that may have used up all of their savings.

    It could be any number of things but just know that they probably still support you even though they aren't able to make it.

    • Reply
  • Maria
    Master June 2018
    Maria ·
    • Flag

    Good point Ashley. Timing was a big part of why I missed the wedding. November is just a bad time to travel for a wedding during grad school.

    • Reply
  • kahlcara
    Master August 2013
    kahlcara ·
    • Flag

    DH's grandmother didn't come to our wedding. She's healthy, no money problems or anything. DH offered to come get her. She just decided not to come because she's weird. It is what it is.

    This doesn't sound like it's a personal thing, though, just sounds like maybe they can't afford to take the time off work, travel and stay somewhere.

    ETA: Also, we didn't go to DH's cousin's wedding last week. It's nothing personal, it's just that they were getting married on a Monday 6 hours away from us (so we'd have to take 2 days off, travel and stay overnight), and I just started a new job and DH is self-employed so he doesn't have paid time off. We sent them a nice gift and wished them well, but we don't have the combo of time/money to go right now.

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  • S
    Dedicated August 2018
    Sammie ·
    • Flag

    I guess I never looked at it like that. It's just that no one from my dad's side is coming now. They were the only ones, and now they all said no. Its just a bummer.

    • Reply
  • soon2BmrsH
    Super September 2017
    soon2BmrsH ·
    • Flag

    A lot of my aunts and uncles along with cousins aren't coming to our wedding. And unfortunately only two sisters of my FH will be able to come from all his family, and possibly his dad, he hasn't let us know for sure yet Smiley sad

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  • Maria
    Master June 2018
    Maria ·
    • Flag

    I'm sorry it's a bummer. I'm glad you're understanding different possibilities that aren't personal. Have a wonderful wedding!

    • Reply
  • Bemyguest
    Master April 2017
    Bemyguest ·
    • Flag

    DH's brother, SIL, and nephew didn't come to our wedding. It didn't bother us (DH does not have a great relationship with them) but it did bother their mom a lot, although she doesn't like to talk about it. It wasn't a money thing, they're just an odd couple. Like very odd, which has led to the non-existent relationship. They didn't even text us the day of.

    Anyway, it's not unheard of, as much as it sucks. Give your dad's family some slack, as it sounds like they do care but something happened to make them unable to come.

    • Reply
  • Gracie Lou Freebush
    VIP October 2017
    Gracie Lou Freebush ·
    • Flag

    How far would they have to travel?

    Like hour wise

    • Reply
  • SiberianMama
    Devoted September 2017
    SiberianMama ·
    • Flag

    My mom is the only family member attending our wedding. Sure it hurts, but I know they would be there if they could. Sorry, OP. I'm sure they would all be there if they could.

    • Reply
  • BlueHenBride
    Master March 2017
    BlueHenBride ·
    • Flag

    Yes, DH's stepbrother and his fianceé didn't make it, two of DH's aunts didn't make it, and a bunch of other relatives that weren't as closely related to him didn't make it. On my side, my cousin (who is a year younger than me and I am extremely close to) and her family couldn't make it and one of my other cousins brought two of her kids, but not her oldest (he couldn't miss school). All of these relatives had to travel really far to get to our wedding, so it was very understandable that they could not come, as much as we wished they could have been there.

    • Reply
  • fallinthegarden
    Master October 2017
    fallinthegarden ·
    • Flag

    It happens. The only family I'll have there will be my parents, my brother and his girlfriend, and two sets of aunts/uncles.

    Five states away is really far. Sometimes it's just not convenient or possible for everyone to attend, regardless of whether they'd want to.

    • Reply
  • A Bride
    Super August 2016
    A Bride ·
    • Flag

    Try not to take it personally. 5 states away is definitely a big deal for most people and would be a deal breaker for me for anyone but my absolute best friend or immediate family. I would not take off work, spend money on gas and driving time or flights and rental car, hotels, food, dog sitter, baby sitter, clothes, gift, etc. for just an extended family member. I love them, but it's just not worth it unless I can drive there in under 2 hours and be back in my own bed in time to go to work the next morning. We have very limited time and resources. My husband and I are taking one trip this year, and aren't willing to sacrifice that for a wedding of an extended family member.

    I think your expectations might be too high...(really not trying to sound harsh)

    • Reply
  • SuperStuelke
    Super September 2017
    SuperStuelke ·
    • Flag

    My own parents and step parents are not coming.

    • Reply
  • KandMsayIDO
    Expert July 2017
    KandMsayIDO ·
    • Flag

    2 of my 3 brothers were no shows at our wedding in addition to my MIL.. It bothered me and I noticed the on our day, but I'm over it. It hurt, but definitely didn't let it ruin my day. Don't let it ruin yours either. ETA: brothers: 1 lives in the same state 45 mins away and the other lives 1 state away, but went to his friend's wedding the weekend before in NY (he lives in FL).

    • Reply
  • Nicole
    VIP November 2017
    Nicole ·
    • Flag

    It sucks but there's not really anything you can do about it. I would just try to focus on the people who will be there and try not to think about who isn't there. On my dad's side of the family, I have 3 aunts (plus their spouses) 4 uncles (plus 3 spouces) and divorced grandparents. Only 1 uncle and my grandpa will be attending. We are having a DW, so I knew it would be difficult for most people to travel. But, most of these relatives didn't attend my sister's wedding either and that was only a few hours from them. I am a little sad that they won't be there, but am trying to focus on all the fun I I'll have with the ones that are there.

    • Reply
  • Dreamer
    Master May 2013
    Dreamer ·
    • Flag

    I have one aunt and one uncle. The uncle and his wife were the only ones who didn't have the courtesy to RSVP. They didn't send a congratulatory e-mail; they just pretended my wedding didn't exist. When I saw them the following year my aunt took me aside and tried to explain their lack of action to me, and she ended up lying to me - twice! My family is totally done with them.

    • Reply
  • Elizabeth
    Dedicated January 2018
    Elizabeth ·
    • Flag

    My aunt who I have been close with my whole life isn't coming because she has social anxiety.

    • Reply
  • Kay
    Super March 2017
    Kay ·
    • Flag

    It sucks, I had 3 cousins not come, one lives several states away and was pregnant, the others are two hours away, just decided that their friends birthday was more important.

    But also, one of my cousins had no one from her mom's side of the family at her wedding because they didn't want to travel for it, so I get that.

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