Handling unwanted assistance from family

Just tell them you have things under control. Like “Thanks for your timeshare, we will definitely keep it in mind but for now I think we’re looking at honeymooning in (insert state here)” and for the cake “Oh you don’t have to go through the trouble. We actually have been talking to some local bakeries that are approved by our venue. Thanks though, I’m sure whatever you would’ve made us would be beautiful.”

Unwanted family help and advice is definitely a challenge. I have dealt with a lot of that myself during our planning process. While originally I had a lot of trouble with telling things like they are Because I was afraid of hurting feelings I have learned to put those thoughts to the side. At the end of that day it is your day. It is best to be upfront about your feelings/thoughts with honesty. Thank them for their advice/offerings and tell them that you have other plans. I would definitely let them know that you appreciate their help/advice/offerings.

You’re not ungrateful for not wanting their help! It’s so generous of them to offer. That just means they’re excited for you, but you’re under no obligation to accept anything. You could tell the person that keeps offering the timeshare that you may want to use it sometime in the future, just not for your honeymoon and that you’ve already put a deposit down. This way, you’ve not committed to anything later and it squashes any hopes of changing your mind.

Will the family member offering to bake the cake be in attendance at any other events like the bridal shower or rehearsal dinner? It might be a cost saver at some point for you to utilize this offer at another event if they can arrive a day or so in advance to prepare the cake. I’m just saying, good cake ain’t cheap and if your family member is good at it, it might be something to think about!

I’ve had similar stories, but on a smaller scale. Wanting to give a veil, someone wanting to alter dresses with little experience, or give decorations that weren’t my style. ITS SO HARD. You do not want to appear rude or unappreciative, but sometimes subtle hints don’t do it. Things I’ve found helpful blaming the venue or contracts. Usually once people hear things are banned or not allowed at the venue, they let them go. So something like “Aw man! We’ve already put down $/signed contract on honeymoon, that’s too bad your time share sounds so nice! Maybe we can visit on our first anniversary!” “Hey (family member name) our venue wants us to have our venders booked by x date, and we found out they not only have to be licensed, they have to be specifically licensed for our state. Since it’s such a time crunch to meet their deadlines, I think we are going have to go with (local bakery), but we just wanted to thank you for your sweet offer of baking our cake I’m sure it would have been amazing!!!.”

I totally agree with Olivia. It’s hard and you’re not ungrateful but you have your own plans.

Ask to use the timeshare as an anniversary gift or something in the future. Plan to use it 3,6,12 months after as a second honeymoon if it makes them feel better.

My aunt offered something similar to your cake challenge but with fake flowers (which she’s good at). I told her I was squared away for the wedding but she could talk to my sister who was planning the bridal shower. She reached out to my sister and I didn’t hear anything after it. They handled it themselves.

My mom offered to alter the dress for me. Normally, it wouldn't be a big deal, she was a seamstress for years. But. She altered my dress for our wedding 10 years ago, and I looked like I had 4 boobs because she didn't move the cups when she altered it. So, thanks, but no thanks lol.

“Thanks for the offer! But we actually already have ___ taken care of” ...even if you don’t, haha. I had a client offer to get our rings for us— they’re in the jewelry business so I know it wouldn’t have been a huge deal for them financially but it was too big a thing for me to want to bridge that client relationship and I was slightly uncomfortable with the idea. I gushed appropriately— I really was overwhelmed with appreciate at the offer! But simply said we already had it planned/taken care of....even though we hadn’t actually started looking yet.

As a follow-up, how about after you've said, "no I already have this taken care of," and they continue to push?

I think it comes from a good place all the offers but they often don’t realize it can be stressful. The cake I’m sure is more like a joke about getting a license and if I was you I’ll just laugh it off and don’t mind it too much. I found us bride often over analyze everything so really don’t mind it. If neither one bring it up again just explain to them one more time. For the timeshare say is a shame you already planned a honeymoon somewhere else but maybe you’ll consider this for bachelorette party or future vacations if that’s ok. For the cake just say that the place simply doesn’t allow outside vendors and you really want them to relax and enjoy the wedding. Maybe she can bake a cake for a different event, or bake cookies for the getting ready. They’ll get it eventually so don’t worry!

View Quoted Comment I wish she was joking. She wasn't I assure you.
Also there is no "us brides" here. My future husband and I are both men. I'm not overanalyzing anything. I just have people in my life who don't want to take no for an answer.

View Quoted Comment Oh my bad, I believe same concept applies to us all regardless of sex. I know a thing or two about family members not taking no for an answer! What works for me is honesty and then I ignore them is not worth the stress.

View Quoted Comment Sorry if I seemed like I was jumping on with anger. The not asking no for an answer is definitely the stressful part of it. So I think ignoring it is what I'll try to do. I think I'm going to reach out to a cousin who recently got married to see how she handled these family members as well.

View Quoted Comment Not at all! That’s actually a great idea. Good luck!

Sometimes subtlety doesn't work and being nice also doesn't work, no matter how many times you say it. Sometimes, you have to be direct.

I'm about as subtle as a ten pound hammer, a skill that serves me well in my profession as a trauma nurse. I ain't got the time or the patience to be worried about egos getting crushed when I have lives to save. That being said, weddings seem to bring about people that think their opinions/contributions are more important than the couple getting married.

I employ the same tactic I use when I have an Overly Involved Family Member who thinks they can do our jobs better than we can: "Thank you so much for your input, however it is not practical/proper/needed at this time. Should I need help/advice you'll be the first person I call, I'm sure you have so much to do with your (job/child/etsy shop) and I would hate to impose!"

And when all else fails: "I got this, but thanks" and forget to turn my ringer back on/return their text messages!