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Beginner December 2021

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Daniela, on November 1, 2021 at 6:27 AM Posted in Planning 0 8

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So, the relationship with my family is very bad. I do not talk to them as they are pretty toxic. I only have one brother but we are not in speaking terms... the only member of my “family” I talk to is his partner. They have been together for over 10yrs and he has become more of a sibling to me than my actual brother was. We live all live in different parts of the world.

Our wedding will be very small and intimate: only bride and groom plus my FH parents and brother with his wife. From my side... only my brother’s partner as he is a sibling to me. We are very close and I do love him very much. He has been with me throughout this process and he has come with me to dress fittings. He is the only person I counted on from my side and who happily agreed to help me with my dress that day.
Last night my brother texted me to warn me that he will break up his relationship with his partner if he is to attend my wedding. He literally told me to tread carefully. I just responded that his partner was invited with lots of love and that that wouldn’t change.
Honestly, I am very bumped out. Very sad and very disappointed because I know the chances he will actually come are zero to none.
Any case just venting. Pretty toxic right? Happy my actual family is not coming.

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Fiona, on November 3, 2021 at 2:41 AM

Dedicated April 2022
Frankie · on November 1, 2021 at 7:31 AM
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Are you sure he won't come?

You already know how much he cares about you since he wants to help and he may dump him because of his selfishness. He may think he has every right to attend your wedding and be there for you without him if this is what he wants, that being there for you doesn't mean he would disrespect him.
I'm not saying I would want him to dump your bro, but it may happen.
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Beginner December 2021
Daniela · on November 1, 2021 at 8:16 AM
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Thank you for replying Frankie. I am 100% he will not come. I just received a text from him saying he does not wish to get in the middle of us so he thinks it’s better not to attend. I am really surprised. I think my brother is extremely selfish 🤷🏻‍♀️
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Savvy September 2022
Kim · on November 1, 2021 at 12:31 PM
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Why can’t you invite your brother and his partner? I would feel weird asking 1/2 of a couple to come to the wedding and you are putting your brother’s partner in a tough spot by inviting only him. I don’t think it’s fair to invite 1 person out of a couple even if you don’t get along with your brother.
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Beginner December 2021
Daniela · on November 1, 2021 at 12:54 PM
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Hi Kim thank you for your reply! I know it may sound strange but we actually live in Amsterdam and my brother in law in Spain. The rest of my
family is in Colombia. Things are complicated with my brother. He has told me several times he does not wish to have anything to do related to me and that I should just stay away from him and from the family. So in reality everything I have left of my “family” is his partner who has always been kind and sweet with me. Sounds like a strange situation but my brother and me just have a very bad relationship if any at all.
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Devoted February 2023
Elycia · on November 1, 2021 at 12:56 PM
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Do you have any close friends you consider family? I can understand where your brother's partner doesn't want to get negatively involved in any family drama. That being said you shouldn't have to compromise having a family member around you who wont make you happy just to accommodate that. I would ask another close person in your life even if they arent technically family.
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Super November 2021
Heather · on November 1, 2021 at 1:14 PM
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Wow! For him to break up with his partner over that?? Yea.. It seems pretty toxic.. I would take Elycia's advice and just invite someone else that is somewhat close to family (if you wish!). Just to avoid all of THAT! I would just not invite either one of them. It doesn't seem right to only invite your brother's partner even though he is nice. Your brother and his partner are considered as ONE invite. So, again if you want to avoid this then don't invite them. If you want to at least send an invite even though you KNOW they won't come because of your brother then at least you addressed it to BOTH of them you know? At the end of the day it is your wedding. But in my opinion you should either invite them both or none at all
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on November 2, 2021 at 4:03 PM
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Invite brother’s partner but not the brother. Take people at their word especially if they are toxic and narcissistic. It is horrible that he would treat his partner that way but narcissistic toxic people show their true colors and should be taken seriously, even if if it’s not behavior we would consider normal or rational. Don’t play brother’s games, and go no contact. Why would you stick around that type of behavior regardless of how they are related to you?

Do you have friends whom you consider to be family? Invite them instead of parents and brother.
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Super May 2024
Fiona · on November 3, 2021 at 2:41 AM
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Don't have any advice to help you with this situation. Just wanted to say that I'm sorry you are going through this and I hope something works out so your brother's partner can somehow come to the wedding for you.
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