Guests inviting their own plus ones

The issue is that significant others are not plus ones. People in a relationship should be invited with their partner by name, regardless of if you ever met the partner before. A couple is a social unit, and it is often considered rude and disrespectful to not invite one half of that unit to a wedding. I don't think you intended to be rude or disrespectful. However, that may be why you are getting pushback from guests.

View Quoted Comment I tend to agree except she mentions the venue has capacity limits and her budget is tight. I totally agree that whether you’ve met them or not significant others are not considered plus ones and should be invited, but can see why this is stressful. I’ve struggled with this a bit too since we’ve budgeted for the amount of people we sent save the dates to and since then some guests have started dating new people and I’m not sure how to handle that. But anyways for the issue OP is having, I think you need to let people know ASAP that you wish you could but unfortunately you can’t accommodate everyone and that you understand if that means they won’t be able to celebrate with you. Some people won’t want to go without their partner especially if they need to travel and you’ll need to respect that.

They are inviting these "plus ones" because they aren't actually plus ones. Plus ones are for people that are single. Someone in a relationship should be invited along with their significant other which is probably why they are assuming they will be. It is likely going to cause issues if you tell someone they can't bring their spouse, fiancé/fiancée, or boyfriend/girlfriend. There is no way I would consider attending a wedding that my husband wasn't invited to as well even if I know other people at the wedding.

View Quoted Comment I never said anything to them about it I was just wondering was all

View Quoted Comment We invited all significant other that we know of...we did not invite significant others we did not know of and had no knowledge of. Those to me would be considered plus ones and we did not plan for them nor do we have the funds for them. That is what I’m trying to say.

View Quoted Comment And for my moms friend who invited her husband I had no issue with that, it just didn’t occur to me that him not knowing me would even want to attend as I have no recollection of him or even know his name and he doesn’t knows me. It was just something we had to consider as we didn’t include him in our original numbers. And like I said our venue only allows 120 guests.

View Quoted Comment I don’t mean to be rude or disrespectful that’s not what I am at all, I’ve never planned a wedding before so have no idea what I’m doing that’s why I’m asking on here... 🤷‍♀️

View Quoted Comment Yeah, that's what I meant when I said, "I don't think you intended to be rude or disrespectful." It's just that it can come off that way if people get an invite that doesn't include their significant other. It can be hard if you don't know if someone is dating someone. At that point, doing some internet sleuthing can be good to figure out who's dating someone. Or, if they aren't close enough to you that you don't know if they're in a relationship, I personally feel like they aren't close enough to be invited to the wedding.

View Quoted Comment Just because you don't know their significant other doesn't mean that you can categorize them as plus ones. You really should find space for them or don't invite the person whom you aren't willing to invite their significant other. It can come off to your guests who you aren't inviting their significant other as they aren't important enough to you to spare another seat for their significant other.

View Quoted Comment Agree with this. Either you need to cut the guest list to accommodate significant others or move to a community center/park venue that is not as expensive and has rentals (tables/chairs/kitchen) included.

You went about this the wrong way. It's extremely rude to invite some SOs because you have met them and exclude others because you have not met them or haven't seen them in a while. It doesn't matter if you have met the SO or like the SO. They are a social unit and need to be invited together, or not invited at all. You need to figure out how to budget for everyone's SOs to be invited, or cut your guest list.

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As a host it is your responsibility to find out if your guests are in a relationship.

View Quoted Comment Of course I’ll invite a significant other if I know about them. In a perfect world everyone would get a plus one but when we’re working within our budget and trying to make sure all of our cousins and aunts and uncles can come, not everyone can have plus ones. And yes boyfriends and girlfriends are plus ones and if you say they aren’t I would like to hear what your definition of a plus one is?

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It’s your responsibility to find out if there is a significant other. You don’t get to decide based on whether you have prior knowledge of them. It is impolite and condescending to ask someone to celebrate your relationship while disrespecting theirs. If you aren’t able or willing to invite a significant other, then scratch the individual invited without theirs from the list so you can accommodate the significant others you are allowing.

A plus one is NOT a boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/partner. Never has been and never will be. A plus one IS a random stranger (friend of a friend, Tinder date, etc) whom you will never interact with again and only given to guests who are not in a relationship of any kind.

View Quoted Comment Boyfriends and girlfriends are NOT plus ones-they are significant others and should always be invited. A plus one is a person your single guests (ie, guests who do NOT have boyfriends or girlfriends) are allowed to bring so they do not have to attend alone. A plus one could be that guest’s friend, family member, casual date, etc.

If they're in a relationship they are invited as a social unit. I was excluded from a wedding when I was dating my DH and honestly...we don't talk to those people anymore. Just because you don't know them doesn't mean they are insignificant.

View Quoted Comment I’m mimicking others, but a plus one is not for those in relationships. So those who are married, engaged or dating someone, those are significant others and should be invited as a social unit. A plus one IS for your SINGLE guests who are NOT dating anyone or who are casually dating many people who would likely come to your wedding ALONE. It’s not a plus one if you haven’t met your mom’s friends husband. Husbands are significant others. But if your cousin was single, they’d get a plus one so they weren’t alone.

If people have been together for several years (especially if they're married) then you should invite them. Yes, you'll end up with a few unfamiliar faces at your wedding but it's worth it so your guests can feel comfortable and not offended

View Quoted Comment This^^^^ 100000% correct and the only correct etiquette. If your budget or venue capacity is tight, then the guest list should’ve been reduced to appropriately and respectfully accommodate your guests with their significant others.

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IMO, a plus one is for single people not in a committed relationship. These days some people have been in their non-married relationship for many years and so those definitely should not be addressed as a +1. If my boyfriend was invited to a wedding that I wasn't also invited to, or vice versa, I would expect that we wouldn't go, especially if we had to travel at all. I completely understand that wedding planning etiquette so stressful and expensive, but in this situation I do think you'll need to find a bigger venue OR have a heart to heart with them and explain the situation that you didn't know they had a SO. They might be understanding if you just talk to them.