Guests from abroad, plus one is understood. But what about plus two? three?

I would ask your families about proper etiquette here; Western weddings are very different from Chinese weddings. I can tell you that plus 3 is expected at Arab and Indian weddings. If you are expecting to exclude partners and children, that seems very rude to me if your wedding is hosted in Zurich. It would be normal by American standards to invite married couples to any wedding, and maybe children, too - particularly if they are traveling to another continent! I would recommend talking to your guests about it; they are your friends and family after all. You can always do different wedding events - a small ceremony with close relatives, a formal reception for relatives and friends, and a big dinner party for everyone who happens to be in Zurich. If money is the issue, why not have your wedding in China?

I think this depends because in my mind there’s a difference between telling an adult they can’t bring their parents and telling adults they can’t bring their children. If you’re telling them they can’t bring their parents, I think that’s fine and their parents can find something to do while they’re at the wedding. If you’re telling people they can’t bring their children, I’d expect at least some of them to decline because what would they do with their kids while they attend?

I think a plus one is fine, and if they choose to travel with their whole family, their family could entertain themselves for the duration of the wedding with sightseeing or something. I would consider tagging along with my parents if they travelled somewhere cool for a wedding, but wouldn’t be fussed to not be invited to attend a random wedding myself (I’d rather explore anyway!). To me this is the same as if I decided to travel with my husband on a business trip. Of course I would not attend the meetings, I’d do my own thing— it’s the difference of traveling for the event versus traveling for a vacation.

View Quoted Comment

Thank you so much for replying! This might be surprising. Weddings nowadays in Shanghai are equally expansive, and possibly more. Make the wedding abroad is also a natural "filter", sort of.

Your idea of different events is wonderful. Yet the limitation of number of guests only appears in the dinner venue. So It would be possible to have a large ceremony and cocktail session and a small dinner, which means asking people to leave after the cocktail. ei...it already feels awkward when I'm typing it.

View Quoted Comment

Right. You make so much sense. Parents can entertain themselves but kids cannot.

Yet it's quite common that parents in China don't speak English/German and rely 100% on their child to arrange the entire trip. ah. so complicated. I guess if they plan to bring parents, they take care of their parents.

View Quoted Comment

Thanks for pointing it out. Probably they should just plan something else. I agree.

There’s a difference between people wanting to bring their spouse and children (yes you should invite their spouse and children) vs trying to make it a family vacation and invite their parents and other relatives lol. You should invite the nuclear family unit (the person, their spouse, and it’s up to you whether or not you want to include children, but if people are traveling expect more declines if you don’t). However your adult friends expecting to bring their parents seems silly!

View Quoted Comment

Got it.

boyfriend, girlfriend, no

spouse and children, yes

parents, no

I guess this is what I will do.

View Quoted Comment

Well with boyfriend/girlfriends it depends a little on how long they've been together etc. I know that before I was engaged my FH would not have gone to a wedding if I wasn't also invited. So just be aware of that!

Offer a PLUS ONE. It is a common courtesy, if you can afford it.


If the others in the group are close enough to you add their names to the Save the Date and invite. If not tell the invited they have a plus one, sorry.