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Dedicated May 2019

Guests driving me crazy

Maura, on May 16, 2019 at 9:01 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 9

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Anyone else dealing with an opinionated verging on rude family? Sorry in advance for the long rant. During our one year and nine month engagement, no one offered any sort of financial contribution or to help with planning in any way. There have been plenty of unsolicited opinions from both sides that we navigated as politely as possible. Now that we are down to the wire, my family is starting to get on my nerves. My emotions are all over the place already with the wedding so close, and all the little problems that have come up. I posted previously about my mom’s boyfriend saying he couldn’t come after we already turned in our headcount to the caterer. My venue coordinator told us we could only add people at this point not deduct, but we could change the seating chart until the day before if we wanted. I decided to rearrange people so there wasn’t a gap at my mom’s table. It actually came out much better than the first time, and I decided to extend an olive branch to my mom and get her opinion on it. She looked it over and said it looked great. I sent the updated version to the venue and my DOC, and re-printed about 22 escort cards. A couple days later, my mom texts me while I’m at work that my grandma thinks I should switch two family groups of four so that my cousins can sit together. I replied no and left it at that. Those two cousins are annoying when together, and can survive one dinner apart. They are both sitting with their own families, and know everyone at their tables. I went over my mom’s house yesterday and my grandma happened to be there. She mentioned again that she thought my cousins should sit together. I told her in no uncertain terms that I’m not changing it. I said they will be fine because it’s really just during dinner. My mom all of a sudden chimed in and said it wouldn’t be just during dinner because they would have to keep going back to their tables all night, and now apparently feels I should change it too. I can’t help but be furious. Firstly, I was really happy with my seating chart and already re-printed the cards after she told me it looked fine. Secondly, she didn’t ask me before showing the seating chart to my grandmother. I keep trying to let things go, but I really want to text her and tell her how upset I am.

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9 Comments

Latest activity by Courtney, on May 16, 2019 at 5:32 PM

Master June 2019
Danielle · on May 16, 2019 at 9:12 AM
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Ugh, gotta love those opinionated family members. Sorry girl, I feel for ya. I had a conversation the other day with my FMIL that just erked me to no end. After our RSVP deadline passed, I delegated FMIL and my mom each a list of follow up calls. FMIL finally gave me her responses, and I went to tell her thank you, but also wanted to ask her what were the full names of some of the guests (that way I can adequately place them on the seating arrangement). She basically made it known to me that their names don't matter, and she'd honestly be surprised if they even showed up. I'm just sitting there thinking "great." Of course, I hold my tongue, and don't say anything but politely smile and try to laugh it off. Then she proceeds to tell me that I shouldn't worry about seating arrangements because she thinks people can/will just sit anywhere they want. And i'm like, no they won't because there will be assigned tables. And of course, she just keeps repeating they will sit where they want. Again, I had to bit my tongue, smile, and walk away. Her other son got married this past September, and they didn't do assigned tables. Their venue was huge and they had a lot of extra room and tables, so no biggie. Our venue is much smaller, and seating is limited. I want to guarantee everyone has a seat during dinner and families don't get split up, so I am assigning tables. If they want to move around afterwards, fine, I don't care...but I want to at least ensure everyone is comfortable during dinner. It just frustrates me that SHE things that I am being ridiculous for assigning tables. Good grief, lol.
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VIP June 2019
Formerbride · on May 16, 2019 at 9:25 AM
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Ugh so annoying! Sorry you're dealing with that. OP I'm glad you have been firm. I don't know that talking to your mom about how you're upset will change anything. I've had people ask me about seating arrangements and I say you'll see when you get there!
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Devoted June 2020
Kimber · on May 16, 2019 at 11:06 AM
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Just tell your family that after dinner they are free to move around and switch tables, but that during dinner the wait staff need to know where to bring the meals that were assigned to them. That way they can just suck it up for dinner and move after. Once dancing starts, people move all over anyway.
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Expert August 2020
Heather · on May 16, 2019 at 1:45 PM
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That’s so annoying! I feel for you. But honestly it’s not that serious. Unless you’re having on big line table, some people aren’t going to be able to sit together. And like you said, it’s only during dinner. At what wedding do people mostly stay seated the entire time?? They will survive! The wedding day is about you and your spouse, not your cousins, your mom or your grams. Let them know that and say you’re not changing it. There’s no reason for them to get hysterical.
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Expert August 2020
Heather · on May 16, 2019 at 1:47 PM
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Lol I’m sorry I’m laughing at your response 😂 I’m fully anticipating these same issues with my FMIL after this week when her daughter’s wedding is over. It’s so annoying when in laws have other kids who get married before you and think that the way things were done there is so much more superior!
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Dedicated May 2019
Maura · on May 16, 2019 at 1:48 PM
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It sounds like you know exactly how I feel! Putting together a seating chart is difficult enough without everyone’s opinions thrown into the mix. It makes sense to have one with most venues so everyone is comfortable during dinner. I don’t know about you, but we have a few family members that don’t get along too. It took a while to find an arrangement that kept those people far enough apart.
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Dedicated May 2019
Maura · on May 16, 2019 at 1:52 PM
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Exactly, it’s just during dinner. They will have plenty of time to hang out before and after. My grandmother implied that she thought they would move on their own (and wouldn’t discourage it) so I told her I will have the DOC check to make sure everyone is in the correct seat. This isn’t a family reunion, it’s mine and my FH’s wedding.
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Expert August 2020
Heather · on May 16, 2019 at 1:55 PM
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You should tell grams if they move and get no food then you won’t discourage it!! So infuriating. Exactly as you said it’s not about anybody else, it’s not a family reunion.
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Master December 2019
Courtney · on May 16, 2019 at 5:32 PM
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People do realize that you're not chained to the table you're sitting at right? After dinner most guests meander about during the reception. Seating charts are just there to keep table numbers even and to help out caterers.
I went through a similar argument with my FH about our prospective seating chart. Two of his single friends are placed at table where they may not know everyone there but they still know one another. He said we have to move them to another table -ruining all of my plans- so they have someone to talk to during the reception. I joked, "You nerds see one another all the time. One dinner wouldn't kill them". Hahaha.
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