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Rachel
Dedicated May 2020

Guests Asking for Plus Ones After Divorce

Rachel, on August 21, 2019 at 4:42 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 17

So we just found out that one of the married couples we were inviting to our wedding are getting divorced. We had already told both of them that they were invited, and we're friends with both so we would like for them to come. It's a pretty calm separation and they claim it won't be awkward if they're both there.

However, one of them implied that she would like to bring a plus one to the wedding (since obviously she and her husband won't be going together anymore). But our guest list is already longer than expected, and we didn't budget for any extra people. And if we gave her a plus one, we'd have to give him one as well.

Am I wrong for wanting to tell her that she can't have a plus one? Is there a way to tell her nicely that she can't have one?

17 Comments

Latest activity by Mrs. Bubba, on August 28, 2019 at 1:30 AM
  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    I would just say something nice like "Unfortunately our venue and budget doesn't allow for additional plus ones, we only invited significant others and can't change our guest list now. I still hope you can make it!"

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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    Are all the other single guests invited with a plus 1? Will you be able to accommodate if either of them gets into a serious relationship before your wedding?
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  • Rachel
    Dedicated May 2020
    Rachel ·
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    Yes, all the other single guests are getting plus ones. I also don’t want things to be weird if, say, she brings someone and he doesn’t. I don’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable.
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  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
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    Exactly this.

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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    Agree with this. You still have 9 months until your wedding, things can change drastically in that amount of time.
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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    Wouldn’t it also be weird though if all their other friends brought dates and they were the only two without someone? This is obviously your call, but if you’re allowing plus ones for single people I wouldn’t lie and say only SOs are invited.
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  • Rachel
    Dedicated May 2020
    Rachel ·
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    No, I definitely wouldn’t lie! And we gave everyone a plus one knowing that quite a few of them probably won’t get used (a lot of our friends just don’t date). But I guess if they’re both in serious relationships by then, we could invite them with their SOs. I just don’t want drama or bad vibes
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  • Suzie
    Super October 2021
    Suzie ·
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    I would follow suit, if everyone else is getting a plus one, then they should each be given one as well. One route you can take is to give plus ones only to those in a committed relationship (in which case you would invite each person by name), but no plus ones for singles. But it should be consistent with everyone invited.

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  • Lindsay
    Dedicated October 2019
    Lindsay ·
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    We have a rule that if they have been together for less than a year u don’t get a plus one. This doesn’t apply to our wedding party though
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  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
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    I agree that waiting is your best bet. I would personally give them both plus ones

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  • Colleen
    Master September 2019
    Colleen ·
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    I would say no. Fresh divorce new date at wedding where ex is.
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  • Florida Marlins
    Expert October 2017
    Florida Marlins ·
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    I would say yes, you want them to be comfortable.

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  • Kassidy
    Dedicated October 2020
    Kassidy ·
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    I agree, it’s to the point but also nice. The friend should also be considerate, weddings aren’t cheap and it cost money for each person to be there
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    That is most of a year away. If one of them has a steady relationship by the time invitations go out, perhaps yes. But with no person in mind, just a date, it is too early for them to ask. And you can politely say, wait til next February , see if you are seeing someone.
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  • Jeanie
    Super February 2020
    Jeanie ·
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    However amicable a divorce is, it’s still a highly emotional thing to go through, and you never know what goes on behind closed doors. I’ve been through one, and would never believe that both parties are completely ok with the split and moving on that soon afterward. I would not let her bring a date, not only because you’re already at your guest limit but because you really don’t want any fresh divorce drama at your wedding. Just use the excuse that your at your max for either the venue or your budget and politely tell her no.
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  • M
    November 2020
    Maureen ·
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    Pray about it
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  • Mrs. Bubba
    VIP September 2019
    Mrs. Bubba ·
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    Tell her no.
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