Guest Stress (more of a rant, stress release help)

Sex, wine, exercise, take a break from planning, get a massage, go see a movie, go do a fun non-related wedding activity with SO, turn off your phone/tech for a whole day and go explore a local city....

Turn off your brain to wedding problems for a short time and decompress. Those troubles aren't going to go away any time soon, so you CAN ignore them for a week or two.

You need a break from your parents and start to have a conversation to set boundaries. This is very unhealthy of them to hang all of this stuff over your head especially if they aren't contributing to the wedding. "NO." Is a full sentence.

Yikes, what a stressful situation. I'd say re-evaluate the guest list with your parents, but it sounds like you already sent out invites?

I would say one, take a nice, long, hot bath, put on some music, watch a show or read a book, anything to get your mind off of it even if for an hour. That will allow you to decompress and just relax!

Then come back to the problem with a level head. With SO, especially your brother, good ettiquite would be inviting her, despite not knowing her well. Couples come as a social unit, and it sounds like it would cause MORE of a rift if you don't invite her.

Have invites or STDs already gone out? If not, I would tell your parents that their additions to the guest list aren’t going to happen. As far as your brother’s girlfriend, she should honestly be invited to the whole wedding even if no one likes her because as a couple they are a social unit and should be invited together.

We had hopes of a small wedding, Under 40. However, we had the same issue with my FMIL.
She wanted to add everyone she knows...so we didn’t “offend anyone.” I’m glad she wanted other to help celebrate our union, but
Ive never met these people, neither has FH.

At $200/ head, FH told FMIL that if they accepted, then she’d be picking up the bill for them.

Well, your brother's girlfriend should have been invited from the start so you shouldn't need to "sneak" her in. All guests in a relationship of any amount of time need to be invited with their significant other (regardless of whether you like them or not). Luckily, you have lots of time between now and the wedding for things to possibly change in their relationship. Don't stress about it now who knows they may not even be together by then. If they are though you invite her by name to both the ceremony and whole reception and greet her with a smile when she attends.

As far as all of the other guests are concerned you need to grow your bridal balls and learn to say no. When it comes to your parents, no pay no say. Have you sent out STDs yet or verbally confirmed attendance with any guests? If so, you are stuck now and will need to invite them; otherwise, you need to sit down with your parents and explain that you love them dearly but, are starting to feel overwhelmed and stressed out by everything. Explain that you and your FS envisioned a small wedding surrounded by those you love dearly and know well and will be sticking to your original plan. Then stop discussing the guest list with anyone.

Your brother's girlfriend should be invited anyway, not snuck in. How awful is that?? People in relationships are a social unit and should be invited together.

I'm sorry, that is very stressful. We had the same problem with my FMIL. We compromised on some people because it was effecting FH's relationship with his family, but others we put our foot down. I would sit down with your parents and explain that since you are paying they do not get a say, or they can foot the bill for these people. You do have every right to just say no though and then stop discussing it with them.

I agree with some of the other PPs. Try and talk to your parents about the stress they are putting on you. Maybe they do not realize. Also, put together the cost of the added guests and show them. They also may not realize how much their added guests are costing you. When they see the bill they may back off, if not, I'd hand it to them and tell them you love them but since they insist on adding people, they can pay for these 'must haves'.

Hard stop. Your brother's girlfriend is the ONE PERSON out of all those mentioned that absolutely needs to be invited, unless you were not inviting your brother. Your mom should not have had to tell you this. And I can't think of whether it's worse to not invite her at all or to "sneak her in" after dinner.

Unless you have already sent out STD's or invites you can totally cut these extra people. List the ones YOU want to invite (including your brother and his girlfriend.) For me, I'd want a smaller crowd, and even if someone wanted to pay for them, I just wouldn't want that many people. Decide if you want to allow more people, if your parents want to add guests, it's $XX per person. If they would like to cover that, they can invite their friends and coworkers and hairdresser or whatever they feel is important.

Your parents need to have your back when people bring your problems to them. "Sorry, but this is Gina's wedding and she is planning her own event." would be sufficient for them to say. That they are allowing people to make your problems their problems, is not your problem. But still, invite your brothers GF.

If you are paying for all of your wedding, then you should be inviting those who matter to YOU and your FH.

I am sorry you have to put up with all this stress.
I think you would need to set up boundaries ASAP... your brother and GF is out of the equation, I understand she hasn’t spoke to you however is your brother’s GF therefore if he is going she would go to.
All the strangers to you or your FH shouldn’t have been invited; It’d feel so weird to have people I don’t know at my wedding, I’d want to enjoy every minute of it with people that are dear to us.
Lastly, why your wishes are not being respected since you are paying for all... you are to do what’s best for you and what you want.
Hopefully, you get to enjoy and have the way you wished to have your wedding.

You should definitely invite your brother's girlfriend, especially since they've been together for six months. I would cut the extra people that you don't really know, since your paying it's entirely your say.

Maybe accepting these decisions right now will make you feel better, so that you don't have it on your mind for months to come. Then enjoy the fun parts of planning (choosing decor, music, etc.). I hope everything goes well! Sounds like a rough situation to be stuck in.

My family tried this with me & I had to be completely upfront. I said listen this is my wedding not a family reunion unless you are forking up money to help with the expenses of our wedding then you really don’t have a say so in who comes you can suggest but it’s up to us.

As as far as your brother girlfriend the polite thing will be to invite her.