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Dedicated July 2019

Guest skipping ceremony and attending reception

Natt, on June 18, 2019 at 3:54 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 8

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I’m not sure how I should feel about this. The wedding is 2.5 weeks away and I was just told that my bridesmaid boyfriend might not make it to the ceremony because there’s someone in the wedding he is trying to avoid so he plans to make it once it’s time to eat dinner. Or right after dinner. this person he is trying to avoid will most likely leave early so by him coming in time for dinner he is more likely to avoid them. I don’t like my bridesmaids boyfriend he treats her bad, he thinks he is always right, and is selfish. But I feel like he isn’t coming to support my marriage and he isn’t willing to come to support his girlfriend having a role in my wedding. I think it’s rude and selfish of him to skip all the important stuff and making it for dinner only. I have already turned in my guest count but I think what is driving me crazy is that they are telling me he might or might not be a little late when “a little late” is about 2-3 hours after the wedding has started. Ceremony is at 4pm and the reception is on same property that gives him more than enough time to get ready and arrive there. I just don’t know how to respond to this but I need to know if he will be there for the dinner or not since I don’t want to waist money on a plate that won’t be eaten but I also don’t want to cross him off if there’s a chance he will be there in time for dinner. Help!

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8 Comments

Latest activity by privateuser, on June 18, 2019 at 8:33 PM

Master August 2019
CourtneyBrittain · on June 18, 2019 at 4:01 PM
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I would try expanding to your bridesmaid that you understand his wanting to avoid someone to cause drama hut that the vendor is needing to know if he will be eating his meal. Surely she will understand that?
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on June 18, 2019 at 4:48 PM
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That's kind of annoying! It's like... Set aside whatever differences you have and be there for the bride and groom.
If I were you I'd definitely ask because you're right, you don't want to waste a seat for nothing
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Expert June 2019
MrsJohansson · on June 18, 2019 at 4:56 PM
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Really frustrating.. it may be an odd way of looking at it but you don't sound like you like him much anyway and I assume you don't want drama so while it's rude, maybe it is better to focus on the more cheery aspects. I'd talk to your bridesmaid or him directly so you know.
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VIP October 2020
Kelly · on June 18, 2019 at 5:20 PM
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I'd be pretty annoyed. They're adults at a wedding not children in the schoolyard.
I'd be frank with the bridesmaid that you find this disrespectful and need them to make up their mind (give a specific deadline) and stick to it because you already turned in your vendor headcount and it's generally difficult to change plans this short notice.
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Dedicated July 2019
Natt · on June 18, 2019 at 5:39 PM
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It is annoying and it’s not that they have differences it’s that he finds this person intimating and is scared he will say something to him about his relationship with my bridesmaid
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privateuser · on June 18, 2019 at 8:06 PM
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Having gone through my own wedding - I will say this: Before I got married and during my planning process, I would have been like OH HECK NO. Now having gone through it, I will say: You. won't. even. notice.
This dude will be the last thing on your mind that day. I had a friend tell me beforehand she wasn't sure what time she would get there because she had work and had to drop kids off at sitters (understandable). It was totally fine, I even told her to let me know if she thought she would miss dinner and I would have the caterer save her a plate. You can even offer this option to him so you don't "waste money". But let's be honest, this one plate will be a dime in the bucket on that day. You will waste your money on plenty of other things between now and your wedding day. Don't let these little things stress you out. It isn't worth it. Trust me.
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Dedicated July 2019
Natt · on June 18, 2019 at 8:21 PM
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Thanks for the advice I’m sure I won’t notice if he comes or doesn’t. The reason why your friend would be late is understandable and was nice enough to let you know and you were nice enough to react that way it just annoys me how he might miss this stuff because he doesn’t feel like showing up on time. I find it unfair if he misses the most important part of a wedding and comes in right on time for the food. I see feeding the guests as a thank you for spending time and money and showing up to one of the most important days of my life. So I almost feel like he doesn’t deserve the meal. I understand $70 is nothing compared to everything else we are spending on the wedding but FH and I payed for everything out of pocket and we are really proud of that since we are both pretty young (I’m still in college) so it hurts for him to be playing this depend on my mood that day games.
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privateuser · on June 18, 2019 at 8:33 PM
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I understand how you are feeling. But again, ask yourself "is this worth stressing out about?". He is one person out of many who will be there to love and support you. Don't let the little things ruin a happy day. Focus on you and your husband and the start of your marriage.
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