Guest Request

So she would just be in the hotel room with the kids, not at the wedding? I’m not sure why that would be an issue or why they asked for your permission.

If it were me, I would tell the friend that you do not mind if they bring someone to watch the children while they are at your wedding events; however, you do not feel comfortable with this particular person and could they please select another sitter.

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There is a possibility that she would attend the welcome party and after wedding brunch as we didn't say children couldn't attend those. They also didn't want us to be surprised if we were to run into her at the hotel.

Personally, it wouldn't bother me as long it didn't bother my fiance, since she wouldn't be attending the wedding. If you're not OK with this person being at the welcome party or brunch or any other wedding events, be clear to your friends that she is not invited to those. Otherwise, if even seeing her in the hotel hallway would bother either you or your fiance, ask them if there's a different friend they can bring instead.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. Normally a guest should not be asking to bring other people. The fact that it's an ex who hasn't moved on is a huge red flag.

Hard no. They can watch their own kids or leave them with a sitter

Yeah I’m going to have to disagree with most of these responses.. that’s a hard no for me as well. Especially if she’s not even over your fiancé, who knows what kind of mess she could potentially cause.

I would agree and say NO. If it made me uncomfortable and just knowing she still harbors feelings for my FH, doesnt sit well with me.

She wouldn't be attending the wedding and the brunch is really only for wedding guests. Even if you didn't specify that children are unwelcome at the brunch, no one should think that it's okay to bring their children to it. There's absolutely no reason you need to see the children, so you shouldn't need to see their babysitter either. If your friends can understand this, they should be able to bring whoever they want. You won't spend a lot of time in the hotel outside of your room unless you're at a wedding related event, so even if you saw this person across the lobby or something, you'd be under no obligation to speak to her, and presumably the sight of her alone wouldn't be enough to ruin anything for you. If your friends are unable to attend without forcing you to interact with the person who's watching their children, you can ask them to bring someone different to watch their children.

Make it clear that this ex/potential sitter would not be welcome to any wedding related events. I think it's tacky to bring an additional guest to a hosted event, and the ex might not take the wedding very well. Tell the invited friend that you're not budgeted for an extra mouth to feed, you're not comfortable with the ex being there, and you think it would be a disservice to the ex to have to endure your wedding festivities


If the ex stays out of all wedding related events entirely, then that's the parents' business.

Yeah....that would be a no for me. This is your big day. And while she might be there to watch one of your guests' kids, who's to say she won't try to crash the ceremony. (Obviously this is worst case scenario but, if she's not over your fiancé then it is always an option.)


I would tell the guest that they can bring a sitter but not her. You are allowed to be uncomfortable with her being near your wedding or at your pre/post wedding events.

In my opinion, that is super weird and regardless of their friendship I don’t think they should ask that person to actually attend any of your wedding events. If she was just watching them at her own home for instance, it wouldn’t matter of course, and they wouldn’t need to ask your permission. Just be honest with them and say you’re uncomfortable with that arrangement and see if they can find someone else.

In addition to the suggestions you've already received, I'd probably also ask FH to handle delivering the news to his friends, with the perspective that "HE does not want the Ex involved and/or at the hotel." Their whole suggestion is super awkward, but especially if the Ex has some odd unresolved feelings, I think the message that HE does not want her around is much more powerful than a message that his FIANCE doesn't want her around.... You not wanting her potentially conveys a message that you find her threatening and it might indicate to her that she has some kind of power over you; him not wanting her around suggests a clearer, "it's over and HE does not want any contact with her" message and the two of you hold the power.

Such a weird situation.... Who are these people..... Good luck!

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. The no needs to come from him. It’s an odd request that she be the one they bring for babysitting. Is there not anyone else they could ask?

...Do they not know she's your FH's ex who isn't over him?

Cuz if they don't, that feels like something they should know, as if she's using them to try to disrupt the wedding. And if they DO... um. Why her?

Either ask them to select someone else, or find a babysitter for them in the area.

View Quoted Comment Well you won’t be inviting her to those events so she shouldn’t attend them. You can’t really say who can and can not be at the hotel. Just tell your friends that if they need her to be there to watch the kids that is their choice, but make it clear that all of your wedding weekend events are by invitation only and therefore she will not be invited to those.