Guest list

Sit down and have a talk about expectations for the day. Do you want an intimate gathering of close friends or a larger party? Maybe he feels this is time to reconnect with old buddies, I don’t know. But definitely communicate with your fiancé about your concerns.

It is just NOT possible to invite and host everyone that you’ve ever met. You would spend a lot of 💵. He needs to plan and invite them to a backyard Barbecue once things settle down after your Wedding.

My FH is military, and I grew up in a military family, so I understand the importance of those connections. But if he hasn't really talked to them in years, and is wanting to reconnect I would just remind him how busy you're both going to be on that day and he may not realize that he wont have that kind of time.

I would sit down and discuss the limitations on guests and go over guest lists together... discuss your venues max number and then split it between you. When the topic of being over comes up, ask him who hes willing to cut from his list to make it possible for those Marine friends to come (providing you're under on your end). I know you're anticipating a lot of your list not coming, but never count on that. We got yeses from people we were positive were not coming and I've seen stories on here of how people went way over because of that mind set.

I agree with Mrs. Bubba about creating an event to allow that reconnection to happen though. If his true intention is to reconnect, an event afterward would be a better opportunity. Good luck and happy planning! 🍀😊

I think you need to redo the guest list completely if you’re over the venue max. Come up with a list together that doesn’t exceed that number. Honestly, if I was your FH I’d be pretty mad that I was being made to cut people from my list while you invite a bunch of people simply out of courtesy. As someone who spent years as a military spouse (my ex is Army), even if they don’t speak for years, those connections are sometimes deeper than family.

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I completely agree with this. You might not understand the connection, but you don't have to. There's also no such thing as a courtesy invite. You may assume that someone can't make it for whatever reason, but you'd be surprised how many of those people will actually accept.

FH and I were considering a venue that would have really limited our guests and we were in similar situation. Many we have to send invites to but probably will not show. Ultimately, it was more important to us to invite all that we wanted than it was to have that venue. I think you have to have a discussion about where your priorities are and how you want your day to be:

I wouldn’t send out invites for more people than your venue will hold or is in your budget. Courtesy invites might surprise you and show. We wanted to keep our list around 150 so we just didn’t invite the cousins that he’s not seen or hardly spoken to in years. Almost all of them are married and we were not invited to their weddings. I’m not upset at that at all, just pointing out that they probably were budgeting tightly as well and will most likely understand not being invited. I took some friends and family off of my part of the list as well. I’m still shocked that we have 130-140 people on our list of “we just really feel like they should be there” people. Nearly everyone on our list has children though so that’s what really tipped that guest count to the high end.

The ones I know who won’t make it to the wedding is my dads side of the family. When I was a kid my parents divorced and his side of the family won’t be in the same room as my moms side of the family and my moms side of the family won’t be in the same room as my dads side of the family, even for my wedding. Also thank you for the great tips and advice. Like with me, I grew up within walking distance of my family and we are really close. My fiancé wants to invite all of his Marine buddies, even though he has not talked to them in years and he never received an invite to any of their weddings or anything.

I disagree on the courtesy invite, it's a real thing and I know people who already know FOR SURE they will not come, but would still be sorely disappointed in not receiving an invitation. These really are people who can't travel (i.e. the Groom's grandmother can no longer leave her home, at all. So we will still send her an invite, but we know she can't come). I sent a large number of courtesy invites (over 100) with the knowledge that they won't attend. However, this is also very common where I live, so it's expected. I think you know your crowd best to determine this.

I actually just had a similar conversation with my FH lol. I would never ask him to cut down the members of his family, but we had a talk about sitting down and going through our friends from college and getting rid of the ones who didn't invite us to their weddings. We aren't close to the venue max, but $50/guest adds up very quickly. They also say that 20% of the people you invite won't come, so maybe factor that in to your numbers as well.

Maybe you can show him what the increased costs are for having the additional guests.

Consider incorporating wedding announcements into your print order. Instead of inviting family you don't think will attend, plan to send them wedding announcements instead. Your FH might decide that he rather send announcements to some of his people as well. Another way you can divide it up is to plan on x number of invites and y number of announcements. Both of you can contribute to the invite list and the announcement list.