Guest list

If your groom doesn't want to make a big deal out of this, I wouldn't make a big deal of it as this is his family. You say that space isn't an issue, so is there a reason that 15 over your ideal number bothers you? Unless this will put you over budget, I would let this go.
I also wouldn't focus on side has more people invited, especially if he already has a bigger family than you do. Everyone on your guest list should be consider both of your guests.

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I am trying to plan a wedding with 15k... im determinded to be a bride on a budget and so far im doing good but guest list is breaking it.. I have 230 adults and 45 kids... and i brought up how we didnt know the 20 people on the list and she goes "its a wedding you dont know everyone at it"... You do when your paying for it and I would rather have people close to us who are apart of our lives...

I guess if you fee really strongly about it you and your FH need to talk to his mom and explain your budget. It’s your day and you should have what you want.

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Have you told your fiancé that her extra guests are putting you over budget? I would think he'd be willing to say something to her if that were the case. If you tell her she can't invite those 20 people, I would be prepared to lose that 1k that she's contributing if she gets angry. I would make sure you still have enough funds without her contribution if she decides to take back her offer.

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I think im going to have to loose this battle and hope not everyone comes. I dont want to start a fight with him or his family.

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Yeah and he doesnt understand and just says oh well just get a loan... Well im not okay with getting a loan.

Did you explain to him that the extra guests put you over budget? My FH definitely understands money better than guest list numbers. so that might help him see things your way

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Yikes, it sounds like you and your FH need to have a talk about finances. I'm with you, I would definitely not take out a loan. Always plan a wedding you can afford! Hopefully the two of you can have a good discussion about it so you can be on the same page. He could even tell his mother that if she insists on inviting those guests, she'll need to cover the amount that's putting you over budget. Best of luck!

Well, it doesn’t have to be a “big deal” . If you gave her a number and she exceeded the number, then yes absolutely within your right to say no. This is YOUR wedding not mom’s reunion , so it is important to stick to your guns. I also think it’s super important to set boundaries with mil and stick to them, as a basis for your whole future relationship. ...that said, it’s also important to be a united front with FH especially in matters related to Mom, so the first step is getting him on board. You don’t need to make a Big Deal, but I do think it’s important to stand up to mom. It should be a minor conversation from your end. “Hey! We got your list, thanks for sending it over. Unfortunately there are a few more people on this list than we can accommodate. We have a hard cap of X, and the extra guests on this list put us over that limit. Let us know which [#] guests to remove to get us back to [original number]” (*note: you don’t need to provide a reason, but you can. Just know if you provide a reason like “budget restrictions” she might offer to increase the budget to accommodate her extra guests, so figure out if you’re okay with that before using it as an excuse)... this conversation is not a big deal, the big deal part is all in her reaction. If it becomes a big deal. That’s on her. But on your end, you guys aren’t changing anything. You’re simply repeating your initial ask. That’s NOT you making a big deal and I’d personally be a little miffed at my H if he was trying to say it would be. But, united front is important. Get together with him, share your side, both that it’s a matter of principle and not being a pushover, but it’s also a matter that this is your day together and you’d like it to be what YOU guys want it to be. You guys can offer to go over the list with mom together to see where there is some wiggle room. In a face to face down the list conversation hopefully she’ll be reasonable and see where some people aren’t necessary guests or really have no place being there. 15 extra guests isn’t nothing. That’s 2 extra tables. *thats* a big deal— but the conversation doesn’t have to be.

Your wedding your choice. I would remove a certain amount of people if she doesn't. Period. Either she can take some off or you can. And you fiance sounds like he doesn't know how to stand up to his mom. He's got to get it together. Especially since he's talking about taking out a loan. Why is he willing to put you all in debt for extra people on a list that he doesn't even know?

If it was me I would just take some people off her list. If she gets upset oh well. It's your wedding.

I am in a very similar situation. Put your foot down and say no. Especially because you are splitting it between yourselves and your parents. Those who aren't paying for it will not understand why it is a big deal to you. If his mother wants to pay for those 20 people you don't know then sure. But when it is you who is having to handle it, it is a big deal. Stick to your guns. I will never understand why in-laws have to be such a pain!

Girl I am in a very similar situation! It can be very frustrating. My fiancé and I are paying for everything on our own and he insists on inviting all these family members that he isn’t close with or that I’ve ever even met. He says that I don’t understand because I don’t have a big family and he’s right I don’t get it. I just gave up and am hoping people don’t show up. And gave him the bill for the extra since my list is about 30 to his 245! Good luck!!

Similar situation and I had to throw out numbers for people to understand how much it costs to have a wedding. We declined on having kids at the wedding and we caught flack for it...they're an additional expense, every head is accounted for. Finally when we threw numbers out there of how much it costs per head, people "understood". We're paying for this ourselves...and we love the venue that we chose...we're not going to change our venue because of a guest list count. It is what it is...we can't invite everyone. FH agreed and is contributing more for the additional people he would like there. We decided on a firm headcount of 135 anything more than that he has to contribute to it; his side of the list is way more than my side. Stand your ground and no additional loans...that's ridiculous! Good luck to you.

Girl. Put your foot down.

"FMIL, your list exceeded the number we gave you and that's too many people. It's putting us over budget. You need to cut X many people."

"But I caaaaan't."

"Then we'll have to cut people we don't know. Either way, people need to be cut. We're over budget."

Honestly if your groom wants to take out a loan to pay for a wedding, he's overdue for a rude awakening and he needs to get more involved on things ASAP. Taking out a loan for what is essentially a party IS a big deal. You should be making a big deal out of this.

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I agree with Onya 100%! Unless she wants to help contribute to the extra plates, then she needs to trim her list.