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Just Said Yes October 2019

Guest list

Sarah, on July 25, 2019 at 8:55 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 13

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When my FH and I made the guest list months ago we decided we wanted to keep the wedding relatively small. Immediate family, first cousins, first aunts/uncles and close friends. My FMIL was upset we said we were not inviting her aunts (that would make them my FHs great aunts). I have never met them and my FH doesn’t remember them at all. We put our foot down and said no. At the time we were living with them and in the process of buying a house. The guest list issue caused a few screaming matches at the dinner table. Eventually the topic was dropped. I should mention they gifted us $10,000 to help us with what we choose, whether it was the house or the wedding. We put it toward the house. My parents are paying for all the vendors involved in the wedding and haven’t asked us to invite a single person. My FH and I are paying for the venue fees and the food (totaling about $16000). Today we received a letter in the mail from my FH grandmother asking us to please do her a favor and invite her sisters (FMILs aunts who we already said no to). I need advice, are we doing the right or wrong thing by putting our foot down and not inviting them. Should we give in?

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13 Comments

Latest activity by Nikita, on July 26, 2019 at 11:34 AM

Dedicated May 2021
PrissiePants · on July 25, 2019 at 8:59 PM
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I went in to wedding planning consciously thinking I needed to pick my battles.
Is this a hill you want to die on? Will four people really change things?
i know it’s a slippery slope.
But maybe consider having a heart to heart with your FMIL and explain your feelings.
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Master December 2019
Courtney · on July 25, 2019 at 9:19 PM
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Stick with your decision- you took your in laws money and used it towards the house and not the wedding. You’re not obligated to fulfill their wishes.
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Devoted June 2020
Ashlee · on July 25, 2019 at 9:20 PM
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I would stick to your original plan. If it’s important for you to have a small intimate wedding, do that. We went through/are going through the same thing but have it a bit easier as it’s a destination wedding. We made sure everyone had a plus one; beyond that, the list is closed. When family members asked to invite others I simply told them I’m sorry but no. We have thoughtfully planned our guestlist to include only our closest family and friends. Once you start extending invites others may want to follow suit and it can become very stressful and chaotic.
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VIP October 2020
Kelly · on July 25, 2019 at 9:31 PM
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Stick with the plan. If October 2019 is really your date then it's pretty late of them to be asking anyway. Tell them all sorry it's too late.
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Expert May 2010
Theresa · on July 25, 2019 at 10:30 PM
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Just keep in mind what kind of precedent you'll be setting with your FMIL if you invite the great-aunts now. If she doesn't get her own way, she'll just have another family member guilt you into doing whatever she wants. I'd stick to the original plan, especially at this late date.
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Super October 2019
Kat_ · on July 25, 2019 at 10:38 PM
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I would invite them. They might not even come and if they did is it that big of a deal? You also received a very generous gift (it would be honorable to take the high road) and also pay it forward. Good luck!
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Expert September 2019
Elizabeth · on July 26, 2019 at 12:32 AM
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Stick with your plan and have a heart to heart with your FMIL, and with your fiancé there, too. Your FMIL will need to hear from the both of you and how you reached your decision. It's also a bit late to ask-- you're weddings around the corner!
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Master October 2020
Mandi · on July 26, 2019 at 1:17 AM
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I think it just depends on how close you are or aren't to them.
We are inviting 8 great aunts and uncles on my side because we are close with them. That being said, we opted not to invite the other 40-50 some because we aren't close to them.
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Super August 2006
Cassandra7 · on July 26, 2019 at 1:38 AM
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Give in now and FMIL will run your lives forever.
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on July 26, 2019 at 1:41 AM
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This, exactly! It seems FMIL doesn't understand/respect boundaries, so start making those boundaries clear asap!
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Savvy August 2020
Emily · on July 26, 2019 at 2:26 AM
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Totally agree! They gave you a big chunk and it’s only fair to be generous and invite them I think. I would feel terrible accepting that amount of money and not inviting them.
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Expert September 2019
Jordan · on July 26, 2019 at 8:51 AM
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How many of them are there? I 100% agree with your original stance, but if it's 1-3 additional people you could probably invite them just to avoid the drama.
I do understand where you are coming from though. I really don't want strangers at my wedding either.
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VIP April 2019
Nikita · on July 26, 2019 at 11:34 AM
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You have solid reasons for not having them there. I'd stick to the no.
As a side note, unless your FH's grandmother was a part of the argument and giving you the gift, you should handle the conversation with her as a completely different conversation and relationship. It's not her fault that your FMIL turned it into a fight. She may just be asking for herself.
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