Beginner December 2021

Guest List

Angelique, on August 3, 2021 at 2:21 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 10

I am looking for advice on how to tell my future MIL that she cannot continue to invite people to the wedding.

My fiance and I have been engaged for about a year and a half and about a year ago I asked my future MIL to provide me with a list of names to invite to the wedding. She gave me an initial list. Fast forward about 6 months and I double checked with her that the list of people she wanted to invite was the same. She gave me a couple more names and I added them to the list. I got the invitations in and mailed out all the invitations out and gave my venue an estimation of how many people we were expecting. About a week after I sent the invitations out she gave me more people to invite and this morning I woke up to a text with another handful of guests she wants invited. How do I politely tell her that she cannot continue to invite more people?


Latest activity by Shadia, on September 14, 2021 at 4:29 AM
  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    You have to be blunt and firm. Enlist fiancé to back you up and get practice in now setting and maintaining boundaries as a unit with consequences. If she is adding people to the guest list, she will not stop there and will continue with making decisions on your lives in general. Unless you and fiancé maintain boundaries.
    • Reply
  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa Online ·
    • Flag
    Your fiance could reply to her with something along the lines of, "We've already sent out our invitations to our finalized guest list and communicated our estimated guest count to our venue, so we unfortunately cannot accommodate your request to add more people."
    • Reply
  • S
    Devoted September 2022
    Sarah Online ·
    • Flag

    At this point you just have to be straight forward. Either you or your fiance need to say "The invitations have already been sent out and we already gave our venue an estimated head count. Our list is finalized."

    I can't believe she is trying to add people this close to it.

    • Reply
  • AJ
    Super October 2022
    AJ ·
    • Flag

    Just be blunt, tell her the list is finalized and you cannot invite more people at this point.

    • Reply
  • Katie
    Expert August 2021
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    I'd tell your fiance to deal with it. Tell him to tell her that the guest list has been finalized and therefore no more people will be added.
    • Reply
  • Ashlee
    Devoted September 2022
    Ashlee ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    This is what I would do

    • Reply
  • KiwiDerbyBride
    VIP May 2015
    KiwiDerbyBride ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    This is perfect wording!

    • Reply
  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
    • Flag

    Agreed with the others, you just need to be firm.

    When you asked her to reconfirm her original list and you allowed her to add more guests, you opened up the doorway for her to keep adding people. If you didn't give her a firm deadline then ("Hi FMIL, I just wanted to double check that this list you originally gave me is still correct. We are sending out invitations soon and need a finalized guest list, so this is the last opportunity for you to change who you may want to include"), she may simply not understand that your inquiry wasn't an open invitation to keep changing her invite list, and may just need to be told that that time has past and no further changes can be made.

    • Reply
  • Katekk0101
    Just Said Yes June 2020
    Katekk0101 ·
    • Flag

    You have to be blunt and firm///

    • Reply
  • Shadia
    Savvy June 2025
    Shadia ·
    • Flag
    From what I am reading you didn't tell her how many people to invite. So it wouldn't be a problem for you to explain that how much money it will cost for all the people that she would like to invite to your wedding, and also let her know your head count.
    • Reply

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