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Savvy October 2021

Guest list woes and seating arrangements

Taylor, on February 21, 2021 at 6:40 PM Posted in Planning 0 5

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Hello all, I am getting married October 7th this year and working on the dreaded guest list and seating arrangements. My fiance and I would like to keep the guest list around 70-80 people. However, he has several friends and coworkers he would like to invite, and so do I. Our mothers have certain people they want to invite as well. I wrote up the list of everyone that should obviously be invited, as well as those that have been mentioned by him or our moms. The list came to 107 people. Now, this isn’t necessarily an issue as my state is allowing 50% capacity in venues and that is well within the capacity. The problem is that my fiance and I have always wanted a smaller wedding - we feel that it would be more personable, not to mention cheaper.

Another issue, my parents are paying for a majority of the wedding so my mom feels like she should have free reign over the guest list to invite whomever she wants. I think she deserves to pick a couple of people she wants there, but she has demanded I invite up to 14 people, who I never speak to nor have a relationship with. I am currently working on a way to meet in the middle with her.
Also, my fiance has a very large family because they are close with their extended family as well. So, we have to invite his extended family members too. From counting up the list, he has about 20 more family members than I do. And he wants to invite coworkers and friends on top of that. My mother feels that since he has a bigger family than she should get to invite more to “make it even”. I plan on talking to fiance about this to see if he can pick certain extended family members to leave off the list, as well as certain friends.
Lastly, I want to use covid as an excuse to not invite so many people. I really want the wedding to be smaller. Are any of you using covid as an excuse to invite fewer people? And if so, are you planning on having an event later to invite those who didn’t go to the wedding so they can feel included? What should I do about my mother and fiance wanting to invite so many “extras”?

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5 Comments

Latest activity by Connie, on February 21, 2021 at 10:02 PM

Super March 2021
Kimberly · on February 21, 2021 at 6:58 PM
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Frankly your FH’s invite wishes should outweigh your moms. I get that she is paying for much of the wedding, but it is your and FH’s wedding and you should have final say over guest list. This may mean your mom pulls her money and you and FH pay for your wedding yourselves.
I don’t think you can use Covid as an excuse for a small wedding of 70-80 guests. That isn’t really a Covid small wedding.
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on February 21, 2021 at 7:13 PM
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You and fiance want the type of wedding you do so ykur parents need to respect that, and that means paying for it yourselves. Give back the money offered since there are always string attached and finance it yourselves. If that means going to the courthouse with just your best friends, then that's what you do. Parents already got married so they don't have a say. If they want to get together with relatives/friends, they can have a psrty at a later date. Your wedding is not their family reunion or company party.
Do not ever invite people out of obligation. You only invite those you cannot imagine the day without. Everyone else can have a reunion at another time/date.
Put all planning on hold until you and fiance are on the same page.
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Master April 2021
Michelle · on February 21, 2021 at 7:22 PM
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It seems you’re going to have to have a sit down with your parents with your fiancé. Let her know that your dream wedding isn’t with a lot of people & the guest list is getting out of control.
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VIP August 2020
Katie · on February 21, 2021 at 8:23 PM
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Hi Taylor, my family’s outlook is always - family comes first. If you are looking for a small wedding, I recommend coworkers exit the list first. Coming from a large family myself, I can sympathize with your fiancé because it is not possible to invite some aunts/uncles and not others. I was incredibly fortunate where even though my parents paid for a majority, there was no concern for whose side was bigger or evening things out. It may not be popular what I’m about to say, but your parents are paying a majority of it and 14 guests (7 couples which is 2 tables) is not that big of an ask. I have been to weddings where a majority of the guests were parents friends and business colleagues, which sounds like that is not the case here. We are really fortunate to have financial help because so many brides are paying for everything on their own.

Hope this helps with your decision ❤️ Hang in there because wedding planning is tough but you’re almost to the finish line!! 🌿🌹🌱
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Dedicated December 2021
Connie · on February 21, 2021 at 10:02 PM
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I can see how the numbers can easily get out of hand (currently happening with our guestlist too), but if you don't have any issues with the venue capacity or Covid restrictions, would it really be so bad to have the extra 30 people there? I would definitely talk with your mom about you and your FH wanting a small, intimate wedding, and ask if she is willing to cut down her personal invites to maybe just a couple of people. Making it even is definitely not important, although as a host she probably feels entitled to having 50% of guests be from "her side."
While you could use Covid as an excuse for limiting your guest list, I think you should just invite "everyone who should obviously be invited" and call it a day. 100 people is definitely a good bit more than 70, but it is still a small enough number that you will be able to have conversations and visit with all of your guests.
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