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Nicole
Dedicated August 2021

Guest List Venting

Nicole, on November 7, 2019 at 2:05 PM Posted in Planning 0 8
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Does anybody else feel like they are going crazy trying to finalize their guest list and send out save the dates?

Our guest list is almost 300 people and it’s close to 50/50 split. We want to trim down to as close to 200 as possible.

My half is about 110 family members, 40 friends.
His half is 70 family members and 80 friends.


even though I am inviting that many, almost half are traveling (including from other countries) and it is a toss up as to whether or not they are going to come. His, however, are about 90% guaranteed to be there because most are local.


I thought it would be the best choice to make it “family only + whoever was in the bridal party.” He wants more of his friends and a lot of them are in cliques and I could easily see how people would have hurt feelings.

I feel like it’s tacky to not invite all first cousins (I have so many), but I can’t even get ahold of some people to get addresses. I haven’t even received them from my aunt after asking countlessly. Making cuts from some family would make it easier to trim the list down for sure, but the guilt would be there.

any tips or tricks to ease the guilt and make a proper decision? I know that it’s subjective, but I am open to any and all ideas to be fair to guests and to us.

8 Comments

Latest activity by Suzanne, on January 27, 2020 at 11:56 AM
  • N
    Master January 2015
    null ·
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    Anyone you haven't seen in the past year, I would cut in terms of friends. As for family, that seems like a whole lot of people. Is that all immediate family? Have you met all of them on your side and vice versa for his side? I would work on making cuts there, I can't imagine that you see all of these family members for holidays or anything, but you know your situation better than we do.

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  • M
    Expert September 2020
    Marcia ·
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    Someone is always going to get left out no matter what you do. You don’t mention if family and/or friends are getting a plus one. That’s an easy way to eliminate some guests. Also children can be eliminated if you so choose.

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  • Nicole
    Dedicated August 2021
    Nicole ·
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    Children are basically cut except for flower children. Those numbers do include +1s.

    +1s was tricky for me, but what helped me was keeping it consistent and black-and-white. Here are the +1 qualifiers: bridal party members, engaged/married, traveling more than 3 hours to the event, knowing fewer than 10 other attendees (outside of bride/groom)


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  • Violet
    Savvy March 2021
    Violet ·
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    I'm personally not inviting anyone who I don't actively talk to. For me, it's not tacky to not invite all cousins bc my FH and I both have soooo many but we rarely talk. Basically for us anyone who hasn't been there throughout our relationship isn't invited and this included friends and family.

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  • Delaney
    Savvy December 2020
    Delaney ·
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    I'm struggling with this too!! It's so hard to cut both family and friends out of the invite list but I think what we've come down to is if they aren't an active part of our lives then they don't need to be at our wedding!

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  • jessiematt
    Savvy September 2022
    jessiematt ·
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    I'm struggling with the guest list too. Mainly because I want a "small" wedding and know too many people. Ideally we would only have like 80 people, but that's highly unrealistic unless we really just do family and best friends. It's also mainly on me because DH has a very small family and circle of friends and I'm the complete opposite. I'm about to just send save the dates to 100% sure people and then send invitations when we fully decide.

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  • Sydney
    Just Said Yes October 2020
    Sydney ·
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    Here's my wedding planner's advise of guest list:

    Is this a person you would take out on a fancy dinner to and pay for everything? You would pay for all of their drinks, all of their food, dessert, going out after etc. Are they THIS important to you to do this? If so, keep them on the list, if not cut them off. You are offering everyone on your guest list a free dinner, free entertainment, free drinks (if it is open bar), etc. My wedding is about $175 a person for approx. 170 people and yes every single on of those people I would or my FH would take out on a fancy dinner and love to spend that time with them.

    Hope this helps!

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  • Suzanne
    Dedicated July 2021
    Suzanne ·
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    I feel your pain. I don't think there is a remedy to guest list woes....

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