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Just Said Yes September 2022

Guest list turned family feud

Kelsey, on November 27, 2021 at 1:51 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 16
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I need help navigating what may be the most dramatic guest list debacle in the history of weddings. FH and I are covering cost for most of the wedding. My father is not contributing, which is totally fine. We have a venue capacity maximum of 120. And this is really the max size we were comfortable with anyway for a wedding. We were able to include all immediate family members on both sides of our families. Both of our parents are divorced and remarried so step family included as well. And grandkids (we love the idea of having kids there!) and of course our friends. This unfortunately left no room for my dads friends who I do not have a relationship with, and who have never even met my FH. Dad is up in arms over this. I offered to have them join us from the cocktail hour onward as a compromise. This was not an acceptable solution for him either, and he actually added more requested guests. I ended up contacting the original requested friends to ask if they would be okay with joining us after the ceremony - they seemed so excited and surprised they were even invited at all. Dad once again up in arms and told me he would not be coming to the wedding and is attempting to cut me off from his entire side of the family. What in the world am I supposed to do?

16 Comments

Latest activity by Lissett, on December 1, 2021 at 11:21 PM
  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    Stick to your original guest list and let your dad have his temper tantrum. If his side of the family chooses to not come because your dad is furious you do not want to invite a bunch of his friends to your wedding, that's on them.
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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    This. Your dad is throwing a fit and it’s time to call his bluff. If he really wouldn’t attend your wedding because his friends aren’t invited, you don’t want him there. That’s not the kind of support you need on your wedding day. If he manages to keep his family from you over this, that’s just showing his true colors and I would put a lot of distance between you going forward.
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  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece Online ·
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    Here to echo what the previous two people said. Your father is throwing an unwarranted, immature little baby tantrum, and he should be ashamed of himself. I would point out to him that he is basically saying his friends attending YOUR event is more important to him than his relationship with his own daughter. Hopefully that knocks some sense into him and he apologizes for his abhorrent behavior. If not, then whether he attends or not is on him and he will have to live with the consequences of his decision. Either way, you have done absolutely nothing wrong, and you should not let his shameful behavior steal one ounce of joy from your day.
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  • T
    Expert May 2010
    Theresa ·
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    I would tell Dad, Oh good, since you're not coming there's room for me to invite your friends.

    Kidding. But seriously, he's acting ridiculous. You were nice enough to try to compromise, and he's still acting childish. If he persists, just tell him you're sorry he can't make it, and he'll be missed.

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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Your Dad is acting like a toddler. Say no and mean it. Don't budge. He's not contributing and he gets no say. If he refuses to come to the wedding just say "you'll be missed".

    FWIW, inviting people to just part of the event is not considered polite because it's making them feel not as important as everyone else. I'd let that drop as well if you can.

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  • KiwiDerbyBride
    VIP May 2015
    KiwiDerbyBride ·
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    “Sorry to hear that. You’ll be missed.” He wants you to beg and cry for him to be there, don’t give in to his tantrum whatever you do.

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  • K
    Just Said Yes September 2022
    Kelsey ·
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    Thank you!!!
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  • K
    Just Said Yes September 2022
    Kelsey ·
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    Thank you 💛
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  • K
    Just Said Yes September 2022
    Kelsey ·
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    Thank you! obviously it’s not ideal but I’ve already contacted them in the spirit of transparency that between family and our friends there is just not space in the ceremony. They seemed surprised to be invited to any part of it honestly. I don’t think I can turn around now and say actually you’re not invited at all. I’m actively trying not to worry about being polite and more trying to manage the situation in front of me. It’s so hard!!! And never something I imagined having to deal with. But appreciate the advice!
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  • K
    Just Said Yes September 2022
    Kelsey ·
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    Thank you 💛
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  • K
    Just Said Yes September 2022
    Kelsey ·
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    I will try this!
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  • K
    Just Said Yes September 2022
    Kelsey ·
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    It has totally stolen the joy from planning. My mom passed away 10 years ago so I was really hopeful that my dad would be a supportive parent ….especially considering he’s the only one I have. I wish we weren’t even having the wedding at this point because it’s all so sad. Really appreciate your kind words. Thank you.
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  • Shannon
    Super July 2022
    Shannon ·
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    Like other posters suggested, stick to your guns. Your dad is trying to make it about him. I have a cousin who will not be invited to our wedding. He never shows up to anything, in fact he was the only one who didn’t show for our Grandfathers funeral. I know my aunt, his mother will have an issue when she finds out he’s not invited. My response will be, “Only those we have relationships with are invited.”


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  • Alexandra
    Beginner November 2023
    Alexandra ·
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    This reminds me of how my fh's mom is acting about the guest list. Right after we told her the venue as she wanted to know (at the time I thought no big deal), she proceeded to say how she better be busy inviting people. I directly told her the guest max limit is 100 people for budget and how our parents (FH and my parents) are going to help with the guest list as I made a spreadsheet for them with a max of 50 each with the reason of how related.
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  • Eula
    Savvy June 2022
    Eula ·
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    Its your day. if he wants those people to come he should pay for a part of his daughters wedding -_-

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  • L
    Savvy December 2023
    Lissett ·
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    Aw this breaks my heart for you. Just focus on ur love for your future husband! Hold on to that and u will have all the strength to face what ever you face. Have you tried talking to your dad’s family so they can reason with him? You should give an ultimatum of he has to provide the funds for the bigger guest list because that’s the only way possible. And that alcohol will be limited because this is not a drinking party! But a celebration of your love and matrimony . Best wishes and be strong that your mom is watching you and hoping for your happiness. Don’t disappoint your mother in seeing you happy and in love! Please disappoint everyone else but your husband and mother. My husband is my #1 support and only one I can rely on. He’s the only one I know loves me no matter what! And I also know my mama is in heaven happy for me because I’m fulfilling her dream of getting married in church and having a good honest man in my life. Wow, this made me cry. Best wishes!
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