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Just Said Yes October 2020

Guest List - October Wedding

Katie, on July 10, 2020 at 8:46 PM Posted in Planning 0 8

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Hi everyone. Sorry for the long post, but I am really stressing over the guest list!

I am getting married in October. Phase 3 of reopening just got postponed indefinitely, which would have allowed us to have 50 people indoors. At this point, we are hoping we will be able to have 75.
We originally sent save the dates to 120 people and are currently trying to figure out who to cut since we’re sending out invites in a month.
The problem is I prefer my extended family over my immediate family. I know I cannot cut my immediate family, but I also didn’t want to cut all my cousins from my extended family. I am being told that if I pick and choose cousins, I will cause a family feud and show favoritism and that I cannot invite any of them.
Is it really that bad to invite some and not the others during these times? My fiancé has met the cousins I’d like to keep, but hasn’t met the ones i was thinking of cutting, which is why I didn’t think it’s much of an issue. Just looking for some friendly advice!

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Michelle, on July 11, 2020 at 8:55 AM

Legend June 2019
Melle · on July 10, 2020 at 8:48 PM
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Maybe you can tell the most immunocomprised guests to stay home for their safety e.g elders and anyone immunocompromised, etc. does that help cut down the list a little?
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Just Said Yes October 2020
Katie · on July 10, 2020 at 8:53 PM
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We’ve already taken out some of the older guests and those who are out of state. We are now down to family and friends and I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings! I was just wondering if it really would be frowned upon to pick and choose.
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Expert October 2020
Kimberly · on July 10, 2020 at 9:07 PM
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Unfortunately since all were invited before and now you are having to cut, it is improbable to avoid hurt feelings somewhere. I might be the odd one on the forum that agrees with the all or none suggestion for extended family. I understand the point you brought up about the fiancé having met the cousins you want to keep which is good in theory, but feelings will still be hurt from those cut. Maybe if you made the distinction local vs out of town/state that would make more sense and would offer a logical non-favoritism justification. Would this work for your people you want to keep and those to disinvite?
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Master September 2020
Jessica · on July 10, 2020 at 9:30 PM
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Typically I would agree with the all or none rule, but obviously you would love to have them all if you could and restrictions just aren’t allowing it. I don’t think you can avoid hurting anyone’s feelings, how would you feel in their position if one of your cousins told you that they cut you and invited this other cousin because they’re close with her? Covid-19 has made all of us make tough choices. If you cut all of the cousins does that put you under 75? What happens if you can’t even have 75 come October?
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Super October 2021
Ashley · on July 10, 2020 at 11:42 PM
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I think it depends. Do you talk to and see all of these cousins? I have fourteen. I talk to two, so I’m only including those two. My fiancé has seven. One is in the wedding, and he talks to two others so we are inviting those three and their two siblings (because you cannot leave them of if they’re siblings) which means inviting five out of seven cousins. We aren’t inviting the other two because my fiancé doesn’t see or talk to them. They don’t come to family events or anything.

If you see and talk to all of your cousins, that makes it harder. It would definitely be clear that you were only inviting the ones you like the most. There will definitely be hurt feelings from that situation. Are you okay with that and prepared to handle potential fallout?
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Expert March 2021
Marcia · on July 11, 2020 at 5:23 AM
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Wow this is tricky--I have a close-knit group of cousins so I can imagine there would be a bit drama if I tried inviting half, but these are tough times. I will say that I did add my closest cousins to the wedding party so they could be around at every event. That may not be an option for you, but it is a pretty good way to differentiate between guests if you need a smaller list. Maybe you also have a way to differentiate between the cousins you are close to by age? Or ones from your home town? I think this will be hard to navigate, but anything you can think of that's a clear dividing line will reduce drama.

I also think, if your budget allows, you can soften the blow by having a celebration bbq with everyone next year and then invite only some people to the small big event.
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Super November 2020
Mindy · on July 11, 2020 at 8:28 AM
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You could always say something like “ due to covid restrictions we can’t have all of our wonderful guests physically with us. We would love for you to still participate in our ceremony via Zoom.”

That way they can still be a part but not violate the 50 person rule.
It’s hard to decide who to cut. Our guest list is only 60 and if we had to cut to 50 or less, we would have to get rid of single people’s plus ones. This whole pandemic sucks but unfortunately it’s something we have to contend with.
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Super October 2020
Michelle · on July 11, 2020 at 8:55 AM
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Oh man cutting is hard. I have 150 and wanted like 80... fiancé didn’t want to choose friends even though it’s clear he’s not as close to some others. He didn’t want to hurt feelings either...now we end up at 115 but I’m hoping we get like 20-30 declines lol.
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