Guest List Nightmare

You're not being unreasonable. FMIL is going overboard. Maybe talk with FH about her and how she needs to stop adding numbers. If your venue cannot seat more than 100, then what? Curb the numbers quick. Find out what happens after you hit 100 at the venue. Let's say 80% of 140 people show, that's still over 100. Don't let your guest list become FMIL's guest list. I feel for you.

No, you are not being unreasonable. FMIL is. You are already over your desired number and she's still adding people? Why do her coworkers need to be at your wedding? Do you even know them?

Nope. I would ask FH to talk to her, and tell her that you're not going over 100 guests, period. You should only invite the people that you and FH want to spend your special day with. Nobody should be invited out of obligation. Don't let FMIL hijack your list!!!!

Not unreasonable at all. Have your FH tell his mom he needs to stop, that you're well over your limit. Tell her she can start making a B list. (Even if you have no intention of using a B list, it lets her work through her thought process.) FWIW, I'm a little stressed for the same reason. We're up to 98 people and had budgeted for 65. I'll be pretty surprised if we get more than 70 come, but the possibility is there.

I completely feel your pain. We had a 125 minimum and I was hoping to invite 150-175, and now our list is around 230 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

You have every right to be stressed out! This seems to be morphing into your FMIL's wedding, not yours. Don't be afraid to firmly (but kindly!) put your foot down. Like PPs said, your FH is probably the best person to speak to your FMIL!

Ugh, I would have told them they get X number of invites. Not an open ended send us your numbers. You and FH need to give limits. dont count on them paying.

I agree with others about curbing the list and having your FH talk to his mom about no more guest additions. My biggest concern would be this “general understanding” you have about any overages...I’d make sure to get a solid “Yes, I’ll pay for the extra guests I invite” from your FMIL before you send out invites and get stuck footing the bill!

You tell her to cut her guest list down, period. You aren't going over nor should you invite extras "in case". Tell her to put people on a b list and if you have the space, you will invite them.

I was super stressed about our huge list (fh fault lol). Max at venue is 150 and our list was 230! Now, this all depends on your crowd, but our final count is 132. So it may end up fine. However I’d definitely put fmil in check

If they are going to pay for extra guests, you should figure out the all in cost before the invites go out -- venue + tax and tip, share of center pieces, linens, parking. Will venue require extra security, extra restroom attendants. If venue has lower cost for children, then apply that, but make certain you indicate age of child (I would even lower the age a little, MIL may "forget" how old some of the kids are). So if the age limit for children's meals is 12, I would tell her 10. Some people may say they are going to pay, but then are shocked at the cost.

We estimated 100 people and we are at 105. I'm sure some people may no show. I try not to let it stress you out. Stand your ground and stay true to yourself.