Guest List Madness Thanks to Fh!

Before figuring out the guest count, I would focus on your relationship. Fighting alot is not healthy. Doing major things behind your back is not healthy.

At the beginning of wedding planning, my fiancé genuinely had NO idea how stressful wedding planning was, what went into it, how expensive everything was. It came down to a sit down discussion really filling him in on all of the details. He also wanted to invite a lot of people out of this "snowball effect" - if you invite one uncle, you have to invite the other, or even worse, we meet and go to dinner with a couple ONCE and he suggests we invite them. It was only when I really got my fiancé involved in everything that he truly understood the reason for the selective guest list. They really just don't understand, that sounds terrible but it's so true.

I would try not to let it cause issues between you two! Is he helping to pay for the wedding? If so, it may really help if you really explain everything to him - he probably seriously doesn't see wedding planning frustrations like you do.

Good luck, gal! It'll all work out.

Also, I will add - Your relationship isn't doomed because your FH is discussing your wedding with others and maybe gets ahead of himself and invites someone without your knowledge. It actually made me kind of happy knowing my FH was talking about our wedding to other people out of excitement - just a silly alternative to getting upset about that! Frustrating for sure, I know. But just a thought.

Don't read too deep into it! Wedding planning sometimes brings out fights and fusses. You will absolutely know if the fighting is a serious problem.

Has he helped with planning at all? If not, I would sit him down and point out all the extra cost and work (centerpieces, etc.) that adding these people would cause. That may make him rethink adding them.

My FH really wants to invite two people who work at the comic book shop he frequents, simply because he nerds out with them over the counter. One I'd be okay with, because we're starting to play a card game together somewhat regularly, the other is sort of meh. He also wants to invite pretty much his entire workplace because it's the only other human interaction he gets on a daily basis (we're huge homebodies).

Like PP I would suggest having a good heart to heart with your FH and explain the cost of adding each guest. Tablecloth, centerpiece, invite, postage, food, beverages. Get to the nitty gritty and make him understand how much work you're putting into this so that 1) maybe he'll step up and help more 2) he won't keep nagging you to invite every person he's ever had a conversation with.

My husband had this problem too. He'd see an old buddy and come home like "Can we invite x and their spouse to the wedding?"

If you already provided the number to your vendors, all you really have to tell him is that it is too late to add anyone. Even though your wedding is in December, you could say because of Covid they want a quote for how many you're inviting and then an update with the final number right before the wedding, if you add people, it'll be more expensive. IMO, a little fib like that wouldn't hurt anyone, and it solves your problem.

I would sit him down too and explain that decisions like that should be brought up with you first. That you have family members who won't be invited, and if you guys are opening up to more guests, family members on both sides should come first. I'm sure he has a big place in his heart for the family that took him in, but if the friend isn't a friend and you've never even met most of them, they're not apart of his life as it is now. If he really wanted to celebrate with them, maybe you guys could invite them over for dinner after the wedding.

The bigger issue here is your fiance doing things behind your back and lack of effective communication, NOT the guest list. Focus and work on those things first. "We fight a lot" is never a descriptor of a healthy relationship. It's perfectly fine to disagree and have different opinions where you respectfully debate one another, but fighting a lot is toxic and its unlikely you will resolve this situation successfully without working on the foundation of your relationship.