Guest List Issues

Hi! Oh the dreaded guest list. I feel like it’s been the most difficult thing! I don’t want to leave anyone out, but I also don’t want it to turn into an ordeal.

Thankfully, as far as family goes, it’s been going pretty well! My question is about friends...so (and this might be long, so I apologize!) my FH was asked to be in our college friend’s wedding last year. FH is in the military, and wasn’t able to take leave (he was set to be at a training location for a month), so he had to decline. I had started a new job at the time, and wasn’t able to take leave either. We sent them a gift, and a card explaining the situation and whatnot. FH feels horrible about it, because he was supposed to be a groomsmen. Our friend took it hard, and we haven’t really talked with him or his wife in a while. No hard feelings, because I can absolutely understand the frustration and hurt. Because of this, he doesn’t feel comfortable reaching out and asking for an address for the sake of invitations. I’d like to invite our friend and his wife (I kind of want to give them the opportunity to come or essentially tell us to f*** off), but I don’t want to overstep, or go behind his back. While FH is nervous/uncomfortable about contacting our friend, he’s also concerned that if we don’t invite them, and they see pictures on Facebook, it’s going to be an issue. I’m not terribly concerned about that; I really just want to make sure that FH is comfortable and happy with the guest list.

How would y’all handle this?