Guest List- Inviting Cousins issue

Is the mog paying?

It's really his choice, as it's his family. I invited all of my cousins, H either doesn't have any or didn't invite them.

If he doesn't want them there, then don't invite them. I don't think I'm okay with picking and choosing, unless you're okay with potential hurt feelings.

He should definitely invite friends over cousins he never sees or talks to. If inviting the cousins will push his friends off the list then he needs to put his foot down with his Mom. We were in the same boat and ended up inviting all H cousins because one of them invited herself which opened the flood gates. Out of 20 only 6 came.

Ultimately it is your day and invite who you want.

It's his choice. It doesn't matter about what someone else thinks, MOG or not.

I would say next time don't be so open in discussing who you have invited.

You may be bringing your best from from kinder and FH isn't and "it's just not right" that FH's kindergarten best friend isn't there!

Is MOG paying?

I don't think it has to be the same on both sides - I have a HUGE family - FH does not. So I'm inviting 1st cousins, and FH is inviting some 2nd cousins that are very close. If I had to invite my 2nd cousins just because FH is - it would increase our guest list by 50 people

We are paying for the wedding but his mother offered to pay for them, saying if money was the issue. Money, though we need to think about, isn't the issue. If we really wanted additional guests we would make it work. Plus my FH I know loves her very much and would not ask her for the money or would turn it down if she tried.

KittyPrawn- I agree with the picking and choosing, I haven't met these cousins so I really have no opinion if they come or not (we've been together 5 years). The odd thing was his mother said that we can't pick and choose but as she was listing cousins she would say "There is Cousin A, Cousin B, and Cousin C. Well you don't have to invite Cousin C they won't come anyway" or My FH would say "You Forgot Cousin E" and she'd so "Oh you don't have to invite them either, I don't have their address". It was a rough night.

I do find it a little strange that you'd invite your cousins and not his. However, every family is different so I guess I just can't imagine not being close enough to my cousins to invite them. I would leave it up to your FH to decide, however I think it'd be even more strange to invite some cousins but not all. These are first cousins you're speaking about right?

If shes not paying then her input on the guest list does not matter. Its ultimately up to your FH if he wants them there or not.

Like PP you need to stay firm on this unless MOG is paying. As an aside, does your venue have a space limit? Ultimately these are 2 wedding visions colliding. I myself would find it hard to pick and choose between cousins even though I have a couple of cousin-siblings while there are other cousins I haven't seen in years. On the other hand it's totally fine to make a guest list based on actual current and active relationships.

If MOG is paying or for some other reason you end up yielding to this request. I recently contacted my cousin's daughter who I haven't seen in over 10 years for her address. She was so delighted and we spent some time reminiscing about playing cards and boardgames with our late grandmother/greatgrandmother when we were little girls.

What I'm saying is that a lot of the "obligatory" invites come from a place of love. However, nothing wrong with having a more intimate crowd at the wedding. Stay firm if you choose that. There's no right or wrong way here.

It's not a matter of "fairness" Don't get into that "we'll pay for it" swamp. You're done with the guest list. That's all you need to tell her. And end the conversation.

I invited some cousins but not all. It's all about the relationships you have with people. I refused to invite people just because we were family.

If you take her money then she will have say over the guest list and anything else she has an opinion on.

Maria- Our limit is 180 so we do have room for the reception, though we are having the ceremony on the balcony attached to the hall which hold around 120. The cousin closest in age to my FH is 10 years older, so any memories he has are of a young boy and adults pretty much, I asked him if he had any fond memories with any of them as a kid and he couldn't think of any.

Also the additional 20 for cousins does not include any children they may have, right now none of our guests have under the age of 21 children.

Nope. You guys get to decide who is invited to your wedding. Especially if she is not paying for it. Its fine to invite yours and not his. I tgink its also fine to only invite the cousins you see ir talk to regularly and not invite the others. You need to stay within what your venue and budget will allow. I also think it's important to have the people you are closest with there on your wedding day. If he is closer with his friend than with these family members, the friends should be there.

Yeah the story with my second cousin was for illustrative purposes haha. I hope it doesn't seem like I'm guilt tripping you or anything. Some people invite the whole family. You may have loving memories with them or perhaps only your parents have those memories. Obviously that adds up and more importantly to you, it changes the atmosphere of the wedding. That's definitely an important aspect to defend. Definitely talk about it with FH and if he's inclined to include his cousins just to please his mom, tell him that's not reason enough. Be firm. Guest list is done.

I agree with Celia. If make this a money issue, you're giving FMIL an easy way to strong arm you into doing things her way. It's a slippery slope. I would recommend you and your FH standing firm and explaining that while you understand her feelings, your families are a different and you would rather have your invites reflect who you're closest to and not be focused on titles.

If you haven't met them and FH doesn't speak with them then I don't see why you would invite them. That was our logic.

No need to feel obligated to invite people because it's YOUR party at the end of the day, not FMIL's. No matter how much you like her that's kinda what it comes down to in my opinion

In your case, I'd not worry about those cousins. You didn't want them there in the first place and you're happy with your guest list

Fh and I have a similar situation. I am only inviting 1 cousin that I am good friends with and he is inviting all of his. I do agree for the most part once you get into inviting cousins, it can be hard to pick and choose which is the issue with his cousins. My cousins on the other hand, I don't see and if I do, its only the ones on my dad's side at occasional holidays. I live out of state from them all now though so it would be a destination wedding for everyone. My mom initially agreed that I didn't need to invite all my cousins although doesn't love that FH is inviting his and doesn't want her sister to be upset about her kids not being invited. Meanwhile, those are cousins that I probably haven't seen in at least a few years and all a good bit older than me who I have never been close to.

I agree that you are better off inviting the people who you want there and would be upset if they weren't. Otherwise, you will likely look back and regret not having those close friends there if they are going to be bumped for cousins that he never sees.

If your FMIL offered to pay for them, I say invite them. If you say no, she might be even more upset and take it personal thinking it's not about cost but another reason. Those cousins may not even come if invited and FH would have done his duty.