Guest list - how are you handling plus ones?

This is a hot topic here. If someone is in a relationship, it's not a plus one. They are a significant other and they're a social unit together. Many people on here say that yes, if their significant other isn't invited to a wedding, they would not attend either.

It's not up to us to judge the validity or seriousness of someone's relationship, whether they're together 1 week or 1 year. Now, if someone is TRULY single and you are certain they do not have a significant other, it's polite to offer them a plus one, but it's not required. It's often a polite thing to offer a plus one if the person may not know any or many people at the wedding.

Very valid. Thank you. We are so limited on seats, might just need to stick to immediate family.

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Exactly.

Frankly, I've been invited to weddings that I did not attend because my SO wasn't invited. If someone is in a relationship their SO should be invited. If they're single you are not required to give them a plus one.

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And that (cutting the guest list) is completely understandable and a good way to save

Hi Haycha! I've added more detail to your discussion title so that everyone knows what your post is about!

I think you can get in a sticky situation when deciding whose significant other gets an invite, and that it's easier to invite everyone's SO regardless of how long they have been together!

Wedding Guest List Etiquette

5 Ways to Cut Your Guest List

I agree that you'll have to keep your guest list small due to number of married/dating people.

I'm actually in the minority here that I would NOT not go to a wedding just because my SO wasn't invited. He's gone to weddings on his own since we've been together and I've gone on my own. The only time I would turn it down is if I thought I wouldn't know anyone there (has happened to me once when I was single and I wouldn't want to repeat the experience).

Most of my married work friends who's spouses I don't know well actually chose to come on their own even though spouses were invited.

I wasn’t invited to my (now) fiancés cousin’s wedding. I was a little bothered just because, she told him he couldn’t have me go but, allowed others to go who’d been dating their girlfriends less time. But I understand it was her wedding and her decision to make not mine. She didn’t allow me to go bc she didn’t think we’d been dating long enough (1.5 years), and here we are getting married ourselves. She let others invite their girlfriends of 3-6mo. So whether you invite or no is totally your call- I would just say try to be consistent so it’s a clear line and people’s feelings aren’t so hurt. Like now that I am planning mine its tempting not to invite her but, I know I shouldn’t be petty. It also makes it easier for you to explain why so and so can’t go because there is a definitive guideline. If I were in your shoes, with a limited number of guests, I would say no plus ones unless theyre married or engaged to be? Hope that helps!

One of my coworkers invited me and two other coworkers to her wedding. Before we received the invites, she asked us in person if we would mind not bring our boyfriends/husbands because she didn't know them and she was trying to stay within budget. It may be nerve racking to discuss this with your guests but it was much more understandable hearing it from her directly than if we had just received invitations for one. And we all went, without our significant others and we had a blast. Now, if I didn't know anybody else that was attending, I probably wouldn't have gone so I'd keep in mind if its someone who will have others to talk to, sit with, hang out. If not, if the guest really only knows you, I'd offer a plus one.

One of the groomsmen was with a girl for a while got engaged, broke up, and now they're back together. A cousin is on and off with her bf all the time. It's family and close friends so everybody pretty much knows everybody. I'm still torn on how to handle it

Not in bad taste at all. I plan to hand out 'plus ones' to people who are married or in serious relationships. As well as a 'plus ones' to friends who I know won't know anyone else at the wedding (because otherwise what fun would that be).

Yes, that is in very bad taste. If someone has been dating someone even just for a couple months, and they consider that person their boyfriend or girlfriend, then they need to be invited with that person. My H and I were talking about marriage 6 months into our relationship, if you invited me without him, I would not attend.

Every one is getting one. I totally understand the desire though. I'm having difficulties trying to find room for my college friends. In my ideal world they would leave their husbands at home and just enjoy a girls weekend. Their husbands barely know me and it would allow me to have them there, but that's not how it is done. A few friends said that they aren't bringing anyone, but I still believe it is good manners to extend that plus one to them.

Every single person above the age of 18 on my list is getting a plus one just in case they find a partner by the time the wedding comes around. Everybody in a relationship is also accounted for in our guest count.

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So, how are you putting yourself in the position to determine what is "serious"?

It's rude to not ask SO's (which are not plus 1's). Anyone that identifies themselves as being in a relationship has a SO. That ring on your finger does not convey you the right to determine which relationship is "serious".

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You are right, anyone in a relationship wants a plus one for their SO.

But I think it is fair to say that some people are simply dating around, and in my eyes for the purpose of a wedding, don't warrant a Plus One invitation if you are on a tight budget. Especially if they will know other people at the wedding. I do not go walk around on the daily judging the seriousness of my friends relationship's status, but if you are trying to cap a wedding at 50 you can definitely make a call.

No, I wouldn't go to a wedding if my husband wasn't also invited. I actually declined a wedding invitation for that very reason. He was boyfriend at the time but we got engaged very soon after. For our own wedding, if someone identified as in a relationship than we invited them both together. We didn't spend time questioning if it was serious or any of that nonsense.

I think you have to invite spouses and fiances. You might want to leave a little "cushion" in numbers in case some gets engaged. This is not judging anyone's relationship, it is accepting how they have defined it. Some would extend mandatory invites to long time or live in partners.

I say it's ok to invite in circles. I invited many family members over the age of 18, but addressed it to the whole household, as they are all invited. If one of my second cousins (extended family we are very close to and adults) asked if they could bring their date, it'd definitely be yes. But I didn't include that in my guest list, because I don't really expect for any of my second cousins to attend. Circles again, very long family friends of my parents, most are married but two are not. They are not invited with guests nor are they in a committed relationship, but more of the family friends will attend with their spouses. I made a point to figure out who everyone's significant other was before sending invites.

Thank you for your opinions. For the record, I'm not judging anybody relationship status or trying to pretend I know who is in a "serious" relationship or not. I'm just trying to have the people who matter most to us at our wedding celebration but not going over our budget. We are not newly engaged. We've been together for a long time and have 2 children together. Going into debt or splurging on a big wedding is just not doable. Everyome with a spouse is obviously invited with their spouse. Everybody on our guest list knows each other as they are our closest family and friends. Some of these gf/bfs we don't have a relationship with. I just wanted some thoughts. Thank you