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Just Said Yes November 2021

Guest list for an intimate wedding

Kristina, on February 27, 2021 at 10:41 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 7
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Hello all!

We have a little predicament on our hands and I would love to get some opinions on it. We have recently decided to make our wedding much smaller (thanks, COVID...). We plan to do a beach wedding on the Cape or in MV at the end of the summer. Luckily, we had not yet sent out invitations to our previously planned large wedding (~220 people). We would like to have a wedding with just our immediate family (about 12 people including us), but also invite our close friends (which would end up being an additional ~18 people).

Our conundrum is this:

- We are worried about offending our extended family. If we invite extended family, it would add about 75 people to the list. We don't want to have a large event as I'm concerned with the size and also putting our older family members at risk with the virus.

- We both have a couple cousins we are close with that we would like to invite, but we feel this would cause drama if we only "hand pick" a couple extended family members.

Does anyone have experience with this? Please send over any advice you may have!

Thank you in advance.



Latest activity by Brigitte, on March 1, 2021 at 3:13 PM
  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle Online ·
    • Flag

    Invite who you want and don't worry about what others think. Reality is not everyone will want to attend but that doesn't mean they don't love you. Never ever invite anyone out of obligation. If you don't want them in attendance, don't send an invite.

    • Reply
  • Ava
    Super May 2022
    Ava ·
    • Flag
    Could you make those cousins members of your wedding party? Then you could do immediate family (parents & siblings), close friends, and wedding party (which would now include those few cousins), citing Covid as the reason for the very small guest list. You could live stream the event for the rest of your family. If you choose that route, you could always send them an invitation to attend your wedding virtually, so they feel as though they were still included. And if you want, you could then have a reception for your extended family at a later date (it could be a formal reception, or simply a barbecue in someone’s backyard).
    • Reply
  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
    • Flag
    We had 15 guests at our destination wedding. We invited immediate family only and a few of our closest trends for exactly the same reason. It could have caused drama if we invited one aunt/uncle or cousin but not others. Your plan sounds perfect! And it’ll be easier to say “we’re having a micro-wedding with immediate family” if anyone asks why they’re not invited.
    • Reply
  • Kari
    VIP May 2020
    Kari ·
    • Flag

    I would definitely not worry about inviting extended family. 75 people is a large group and will not feel like an intimate event. Chances are there are people in that group you aren't even all that close to, and why risk everyone's safety for someone that doesn't mean a whole lot to you anyway?

    If you want to hand pick a few cousins, you could. Realistically, people will understand but only you know how much drama that has the potential to cause among your families and if it is worth it or not.

    I would do immediate family and a few close friends in your situation (the 18 person group). That will be enough to feel like a celebration but still small and intimate enough that it can feel really special and the risk feels appropriate.

    • Reply
  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
    • Flag
    Invite those you're closest to and be assertive that you and your future spouse agreed on a small set number due to covid.
    • Reply
  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
    • Flag

    Your new wedding plans sound great and you shouldn't feel any obligation to invite your extended family. It's hard to say about handpicking just a few specific cousins, because everybody's family has a different dynamic. I know that that definitely wouldn't fly in my own family, but that's just my family. You know your family best and you should do whatever you feel comfortable with. If you're close enough with these particular cousins, maybe make them party of the bridal party, then you could definitely get away with the handpicking certain cousins

    • Reply
  • Brigitte
    Dedicated May 2021
    Brigitte ·
    • Flag

    My dad is one of 7 siblings so I totally get where you're coming from. Luckily our state restrictions just went up so we can invite all of them, but I was prepared to either invite all of them or only aunts and uncles. I also thought of only inviting the ones I'm closest with, but if everyone is close and gets along, this might ruffle some feathers so I threw out that idea. However, you should definitely consider hiring a vendor to livestream your ceremony! That way, you can include everyone in a way and not put the small in-person group at risk.

    • Reply

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