Guest list fights

It sounds like you're on two different pages.

Instead of A/B/C lists, do one list like so:

1. Your name

2. His name

3. Your parents

4. His parents

5. Your siblings + their spouses + kids

6. His siblings + their spouses + kids

7. Your grandparents

8. His grandparents

9. Your aunts + uncles + their spouses

10. His aunts + uncles + their spouses

11. Your 1st cousins + their spouses + kids

12. His 1st cousins + their spouses + kids

13. Your friends/non-relatives

14. His friends/non-relatives

Look at your list. Does it surpass 130? Can you afford to host the venue maximum? Start making cuts if so because that's your only option, outside of finding another venue to accommodate everyone.

But in terms of adults-only versus no adults, more of a party with friends vs intimate time with family, you need to have a serious conversation and come up with a compromise.

Why did you choose a venue that can only hold 2/3 of your guests?

You guys will need to come to a decision on inviting children or not, but otherwise can you split the guest list in two? That way you each get 65 invites and need to account for your own family and any of your parents guests from your own number!

You and your FH definitely need to compromise on the kids/no kids debate.

Also, by A/B/C lists, I hope you mean "We have to have them there," "I would like to see them there," and "It doesn't really matter if they are there or not."

You may possibly need to find another venue if you cannot cull down your list(s). I second Jay's suggestion.

We did our list how @Jay suggested. We split the venue max down the middle and went from there.

My family has been hosting adult mostly/only weddings, for almost 50 years. Mine was 21 and up; it's not an alien concept.

I think it would be a good idea to split 65 - 65. It's not fair for him to have a guest list of 100 if you can only invite 130 people. In fact, him getting 3x as many invitees as you would be downright selfish. You may need to cut your C list, and he may need to cut his B&C lists.

We are having an adults only wedding with 3 exceptions: the flower girl for the ceremony, my 1.5 year old nephew, and my 12 year old junior bridesmaid/niece. You could do "no kids except for immediate family" rule if his worry is that his siblings, nieces, grandkids, or whatever else couldn't attend.

I would start by cutting ur C list. And maybe splitting 65/65.

And yes, unfortunately we have been in guest list fights. We just solved it by getting a different venue. (B4 contract was signed)

Really St Paul Girl? Because yes... just about everyone has their guest list complete when looking for a venue right? Come on now...

OP..The suggestion above is great. Our venue can hold 110 people but our package covers 100. We both sat down and wrote down everyone we could think of and then cut down from there. No children, but we did cut cousins from the larger sides of the family but kept them for the super small ones

I actually agree with @St Paul Gal. The order in which we planned:

1. Budget

2. Guest List

3. Venue

Obviously, our guest list wasn't 100% set in stone (we have since cut 40-50 people), but we had an idea of how many people we were going to need to comfortably accommodate. We actually didn't go with the venue that we like the most, because we wouldn't have been able to fit our guests, even with our reduced list. Why wouldn't you have an idea of how many guests you're going to have before looking at venues?

ETA: OP: When we knew we had to cut our list, we actually made the rule of if the other person hadn't met them, then they were off the list. That helped us immensely, as I didn't go to HS or college in the area we live in.

Nikki while our list wasn't complete we had a rough draft when we went venue shopping so we would have an idea of what to look for. I wanted to make sure we picked a space big enough but not too big. A lot of people have a good idea before deciding on a venue.

OP- I say do what Jay suggested. We had some disagreements but we finally sat down to get her and hashed it out. Since then we have had no other problems with guest list.

Well, yeah. Budget first. Then guest list. Then venue. That's how it works. Or at least how it's *supposed to* work.

Initial numbers can grow or shrink a bit by the time invitations go out, but you have to have a good idea of how many people you will be expecting before you can pick an appropriate venue. Otherwise you are apt to find yourself in a situation like this, with a max venue capacity well below the number of people you want to invite. All due to poor planning.

I agree 65/65 then from there you decide who you want to attend and who you wish can attend.

We thought we had a rough idea of how many guests we would have, thats why we went with our venue (that and it's very sentimental to me). We thought we were going to be between 120 and 150, so 130 worked. since then, his list has ballooned and mine has stayed the same.

I'm not sure he'll go for splitting 65/65. his family is bigger than mine and he is far more social than me. I'm also not sure he'll be ok with the rule of if the other person hasn't met them, then they are off the list. again, he's a lot more social than i am, he has a lot more friends. but they're both good suggestions. we're sitting down tomorrow (we both have the day off, and we have pre-marital counseling in the morning) and the goal is to finalize the guest list.

I'm going through the exact same thing right now! FMIL gave FH a list today...91 people!!! FH and I were hoping for a max of 100 total. Our venue holds 175, but we want a smaller wedding. But FMIL put some random people on her list like her brother's ex-wife from 30 years ago and things like that. We are going to start with immediate families and then work down a list of family until we reach friends. If that doesn't work then were going to split (probably do 60/60). Can't wait to hear what you decide to do!

I'd like to point out that if 150 guests were possible that a capacity of 130 does not work. Always plan/budget for 100% attendance.

Compromise. You need to compromise.

And that does not mean you let him have his way because he's more social out of the two of you and he has the bigger family.

Compromise is not one person bends to the others whim; it's coming to a mutual agreement/understanding.

Your venue allows for a maximum of 130. You need to do a 65/65 or reign in the number of invited circles; immediate family (parents, grandparents, siblings) and friends, alongside their respective significant others and children.

And the number one thing of all of you guys, was budget. I know I chose my venue because it was the best choice and fit for my budget. I was just pointing out that asking her why she chose a venue that could only hold 2/3 of her guests doesn't really serve a purpose. Perhaps it was the place that she liked the most within her budget, and booked it knowing she'd have to sacrifice some guests. Maybe her initial numbers and guests were lower and once she factored in different people that she had forgotten about her guestlist was much larger. Who knows!

What we did was first invite immediate/close family, then we ventured out to very close family friends (leaving off their children), and then also we invited our friends/coworkers and are not inviting their children. We are having children within our family invited, but we didn't think we should have to invite everyones kids, as most of them we don't know well.