Guest list family issues lol

If you haven't spoken to them in 5 years I wouldn't worry too much about inviting them. Invite the ones you are close to. I known its hard bc family is important but they haven't made an effort either.

When making your list, write down individual names of those you you can’t imagine the day without. If you aren’t close to someone, do not list them. Many people say you must invite everyone in a circle going outward, even if there is no relationship. So everyone in the sibling circle, the aunt/uncle circle, the cousin circle, in that order. While that works for people who are close to everyone they know, it doesn’t work for all. Not everyone subscribes to that idea because your guests should first and foremost be the ones you can’t imagine the day without. The ones you are not close to that are only invited out of obligation/pressure to make someone else happy don’t belong on the list regardless of who they are. Don’t let anyone pressure you otherwise. They can meet up for coffee or a picnic at another time.

Absolutely agree with the posters above me. Just wanted to ask - I'm assuming this cousin is an adult, correct?

As long as she's an adult, just invite your cousin.

My husband had family like this, he only invited the cousin. We did give her a guest though, so I suppose she could’ve brought one of her family members as her guest but she did not. Inviting only her seemed like a good call. She really makes an effort to maintain a relationship with this side of the family, and her immediate family does not . We’re happy to reciprocate her effort but no interest in trying to create a relationship with the others where there clearly isn’t one!

We have fairly large families so I thought it’d be easier to list everyone then go with cuts from there.


I’ve got multiple aunts/uncles but of those only one is invited. Same with cousins, some didn’t make the cut based on our relationship. You shouldn’t feel obligated to invite everyone.
I also don’t subscribe to the “well they invited me to their wedding so I have to invite them to mine” club

I think the rule about not being close with them or haven't spoken in X number of years applies more to friends, coworkers, etc. - not blood relatives. It sounds like no one is estranged in this case. Are you inviting any other aunts and uncles? If so, it would be awkward if you don't invite these ones as well. Or ask your parent (whichever parent is the sibling of these people): "Hey, do you feel strongly if Aunt Sally and Uncle Rob come to the wedding or not?"

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Thank you so much for the advice!!

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I have a very large extended family that I was close to growing up. So I initially had everyone on the list. However, after COVID hit and everyone was in lock down, it really got me thinking about who I currently had relationships with. My thought process changed to exactly this. Who couldn't I imagine the day without? It really helped me cut down the guest list especially after our restaurant venue cancelled and went with a much smaller location.

You are not going to have a lot of time to spend with each person, so you want the time well spent.

I have a very large extended family. I have many of my mom's cousins who have constantly been around and are still around. I consider them to be my "aunts" and will be inviting them. Now, there are some of my mom's cousins who only come around when it is beneficial to them. I will not be inviting these people. My mom has pushed to have them invited but I had to put my foot down and say no.

If you're not close and have not seen them, then don't invited them.