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Victoria
Just Said Yes December 2021

Guest list drama!

Victoria, on April 17, 2020 at 3:48 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 7
Hello everyone!
I am asking for some advice. I am the only daughter of my parents who is paying for the wedding, completely (budget 25000) and my fiancé is the oldest son and first child to his parents to get married. The issue is that the guest list is growing rapidly and we are getting married in a venue that comes with 150 seats and a few tables. so originally we wanted the guest list to be 150 max. but now my parents and his parents are not happy chopping people off of the list. They don’t understand that with adding people comes more chairs, tables, silverware, food, linens, invitations, etc.

I am fine with having a smaller wedding. I have a big family (60 people) so my parents are feeling offended that they can’t invite their friends but my in laws( who have a smaller family) can. My mom especially sees it as “ we are paying for the wedding so our side matters more.” i am just really lost and feeling hurt that this has become such a hard experience.
any advice is welcome 💛

7 Comments

Latest activity by Theresa, on April 18, 2020 at 11:17 AM
  • N
    VIP September 2020
    Neeva ·
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    I would let your parents know that they can't have it both ways. If they want to invite more people, then the budget has to reflect that. I would maybe show them the numbers with the breakdown of cost per person and come up with a realistic guest count.

    Good luck!

    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    Add all of your family and friends (you and your FH) and let your parents split the remaining guests. If you have 30 spots left after your friends and family, each set of parents gets to invite 15 friends.
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  • Katie
    Savvy May 2020
    Katie ·
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    I also would agree that just letting your family have the same number of guests may not be the best idea, especially if your family is the one sacrificing and paying. I would invite all family members and then give each family the same number of family friends they can invite. It would keep the guest list from growing out of hand but also not make your parents feel like having a bigger family means they can’t invite anyone else.
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  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
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    I agree with Caytlyn and Katie. Splitting the number of guests per side equally down the middle is absolutely not the fair thing to do when only one side is paying (in this case, your parents). I would redo the invite list by first adding all family members (both sides) and your friends and FH's friends. THEN the number that is left could be split between your parents and his parents for their friends.

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  • Alisha
    Rockstar April 2021
    Alisha ·
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    My mom and I talked about the cost of the wedding. With that being said, we are inviting 100 guests and she is going to pay for the extra people that she wants to invite to the wedding ( within reason). Maybe you can talk to the parents and see if they are willing to pay for the extra guest bc you are working with a budget and you are trying to stay within that budget. Good Luck.

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  • L
    Super October 2020
    Leslie ·
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    The wedding is for you and your fiancé. It should be family and close friends of YOURS not your parents friends. We are paying ourselves and have an unbalanced guest list. The cost is still the same if 100 from your side and 50 from his come -versus 75/75. His parents shouldn’t be able to invite friends just as a matter of equality as that’s truly not fair to your family.

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  • T
    Expert May 2010
    Theresa ·
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    Let your parents know what the cost is person, or per table, or whatever it may be over 150 people. Talk to your FH about an equitable split on invites, maybe 60/40 instead of 50/50. Then, sit down with each set of parents and let them know.

    Since your parents are paying 100%, they get a pretty big say on invites and many other aspects of the wedding. Consider paying for it yourselves if you want a smaller wedding and want to dictate everything without parental input.

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