Guest List Drama with In Laws

Im following
I posted a similar thing last week
All my invites are sent out
We posted engagement pics now fmil is saying so and so wants to come too...

Your FH's Mom? Your FH's problem. He needs to tell them that you will not be adding more guests, period. If they think their financial contribution entitles them to add 25 guests, return or decline their money.

This is definitely a tough situation but I almost feel like since you face them 35+ save the dates, knowing they’d probably want that many people invited, you should accommodate their choice of people. Unless these people they way invited are in addition to the initial list in which case then no they shouldn’t be invited.

View Quoted Comment It sounds like it was in addition. Plus they didn't send out the save the dates nor did they give the addresses promptly. Sounds pretty rude to me.

I would give back the money and invite whoever you want.

I'm all about being straight forward. I would let them know how much it is per person and tell them that since the first list was already finalized and your budget is set, if they want these additional guests, they have to pay for them. My petty ass would give them an invoice. Lol

*guest list. Stupid autocorrect.

I wouldn't invite them. I ran into that problem as well except invites have already been sent out. I asked them for names and they clearly forgot some people. If they weren't that important then they aren't that important now. Stand by what you said.

I would give them back their money - it sounds like you’ll end up saving money by not inviting them. Plus, it’s a good lesson to teach FH’s parents about the dynamics of giving money to family members with strings attached. If they are going to manipulate you and their “contribution” to your wedding has stipulations, it’s not actually a contribution or a gift, and you cancel the “agreement.”

I’m so sorry your going thru this but it’s your wedding and save the dates are sent already....good luck!

View Quoted Comment We gave them the save-the-dates of family that we did not have addresses for and they never sent them out...now we are sending out invitations and they want more people added when they could not give us addresses for immediate family.

I say stick to your guns and limit them to their original number. You guys signed up for certain commitments based on the information available to you. You did your job by asking for addresses and giving them every opportunity.

Tell them it’s too late to make changes, so you won’t be doing that. If they insist, give their money back.

View Quoted Comment Yup. I agree with this. Or say something like if the money you gave was a gift, then thank you but strings should not be attached. This is your wedding and you should have what you want. Say you’re sorry but this is not something you are going to compromise on. Save money somewhere else to offset the $ she was giving you, if you can.

View Quoted Comment Yup...Same!

Wow is all I have to say. I dont know what I would do in the situation because this is your family that you are marrying into and you want to make them happy yet you have a budget that you must adhere too..do you have any wiggle room in your budget where you can compromise or can you sit and tell them how many people that their money is paying for?so that they can see that it's not really covering that much

Is she paying for every single cost for her guests? If not, don't invite them. I wouldn't invite the ones you don't know anyway.

Similar situation with FILs contributing some money and expecting their own personal guest list. FH handled it and told me about it later. Thank goodness, because I would have freaked out. FMIL wants all of her friends invited, as well as girls she'd rather see FH marry. It's a really upsetting situation all-around. I say don't back down just because they gave you some money. If they want to make a huge deal of it, I'd be writing a check for whatever the amount and saying thanks but no thanks. I've almost come to that a few times but FH always steps in and takes care of it.