Guest List Disappointment Highlights Lack of Love & Support

Spoken to her family in months ... there is some discord amongst them because they aren't happy with her over her new man who is very controlling (it seems nobody likes this guy, including me, as much as I've tried to like him) ... argh. So, there is a very real possibility that they won't be accepting, and that is about 10 people! On top of it, I tell FH this, and he isn't happy about it stating that he could have invited so many more friends that had to be cut because of these people and this is why we should have done a "B" List which I so adamantly refused on doing ... its still early ... my rsvp date is 9/28, but those rsvps are coming in so slowly. Wondering what the average is on this ... do people usually send in their acceptances last minute? Or when it comes nearing to the deadline are those people usually declines? Wondering what the averages say? At this point its looking like only half of my guest list is coming on my side. I am preparing for a small wedding ... which I think I've always wanted right from the start anyway. Thinking about 80 ppl. It just hurts that I will have about 2 tables filled with my side and the rest of the tables will all be FH's family and friends. I'll get over it. Like I always do. It just really highlights things. Anyone else in this boat? Just feeling unimportant. Venting.

I know I used to think the RSVP date was the day you were supposed to put the RSVP in the mail, so they could still be on the way. It sucks that your side can't attend, but you are still important. Everyone who attends is there for both of you, his family becomes yours.

I keep trying to focus on the handful of family that are excited to be there. I am elated that my Godmother/Aunt is coming from Pennsylvania along with her daughter. She hardly ever comes home to Boston, so this is very humbling to me. I need to count my blessings, and I often do, I just need to count them more times. I just hate the fact that FH is doing a "I told you so" on the "B" list thing. I refused to B list. Now its coming back to bite me?

Sounds like our guest list issues. We're inviting about 130 people, but when we go through the list... Maybe 50 will actually come. Hell.... I'd be super happy if 80 came! Your FH shouldn't be saying things about him being able to invite more friends if you would have had a B list. No matter what.... The RSVP date is the RSVP date. How would you really have known what the outcome would have been?

My RSVP date was the 4th, as of that day I was missing 7 out of 101 responses. We received the bulk of our responses in the first two weeks.

A lot of people here have said that they got a lot back late. It was opposite for me though; I got most of my RSVPs back in the first week or so after sending out invitations. After that, it was a slow trickle. I don't know if I got more than one or two the week they were due.

ETA: I don't think a lot of our guests cared about the RSVP. We only got about 40% of them back, but about 70% of the people we invited attended.

It sounds, to me, that it is more bothersome to you that his family comments on the lack of support you have, or that your FH isn't sensitive to a sensitive issue for you. My FH has a very large family, where as I have 1 aunt and 3 cousins as an extended family. I don't necessarily think it should be a comparison of he has more or I have more, but that you invited people who were important to you. Its hurtful that they aren't coming, and moreso that your FH isn't supportive or sensitive to how you are feeling about them not coming. Instead of saying "its ok, we're going to have an awesome time and build a better life together" he's thinking about how many "friends" won't be there. I would let him know how you feel - this "family" issue is probably something you've lived with your whole life where he's just getting exposed to it in bits and pieces. While you're dealing with what you perceive as "rejection" from your family, you don't need him piling on irrelevant emotional baggage, too.

Try and wait another week or so, see what trickles in. I know it must be hard to compare your family go his, seeing a difference in support, attendance, etc.

Try and wait another week or so, see what trickles in. I know it must be hard to compare your family go his, seeing a difference in support, attendance, etc.

@Cheryl you make some very valid points. Normally, FH is extremely supportive. However, I didn't care for his "B" list I told you so comment last night. It just added to the sore spots. Yes, I do feel "rejected" as you put it. No other way to explain it.

@Christine, you always know what to say to lighten things up.

I'd consider letting your FH send out a few invites to his friends... it'll be up to him to determine if they'd be upset with the "late" notice at this point, but some people wouldn't be, especially if they're old buddies of his! It will make him happy and might add a few more great people to the party - I say go for it. A good mix of people is important at a party. Embrace the people that do want to come and don't let your family kill your vibe! This is a new beginning...

Yes KD! That is what I told him last night. We are at about the 5 1/2 week point before our wedding. We could technically still send out some invites this week and I don't think it would be the end of the world, giving ppl still enough time to think about it and still make the rsvp cut off. Especially, like you said ... these are buddies of his - in fact, I have quite a few friends who have expressed their hope in being invited and I had to tell them they weren't on the guest list because family came first ... hmph ... they all said they wouldn't mind being "B" listed. When I discussed this with FH last night he said we would have to have a lot of declines come in the mail this week for us to be sending out more invites. He makes a good point. I wouldn't want these last minute stragglers to send in their acceptances and then we are in a bind. It is what it is. All I keep thinking forward to is that honeymoon at this point in the game. Sad to say, but just looking forward to the wedding being over, as I have been jaded with wedding planning.

I will probably be in the same boat with my family. My mom has caused a lot of issues with my aunts, uncles and my sister hardly speaks to me. I have only spoken to her once during my cancer treatment and surgeries. I will probably invite several of my friends that care about me and just expect my family to disappoint me. I would invite your FH's friends especially if you know people are not going to come.

Aww... so sorry you have to deal with family disappointment. We had about 10-12 missing RSVPs out of 55 on our due date. FH just heard from the last one on his side yesterday (2 weeks after the date). This friend has a very new baby and his wife is still on maternity leave so they declined. I was actually shocked that FH told this friend he should have told him earlier and it was rude to not respond at all to the invite. FH has told me all along that RSVPs are not necessary and Brazilians never do them. I was much more understanding. I tried to explain that having your first baby drastically changes your life and the invitation probably got forgotten in the whirlwind. He was still pissed because he considers the guy one of his closest friends.

My date was 9/9. I invited 80 people and I'll have about 55. Several are still up in the air but most of the declines were on my side. Of my 9 cousins only 1 accepted. I have an Uncle who didn't respond at all. My family has always been asshats but ever since my grandmother passed away it's fallen apart even more. The bitchy female in-laws are now taking over and creating trouble. Someone always seems not to be speaking to someone else.

Awe. Apparently, I am in good company. MrsA2B ... I was just thinking that over night, how since the grandparents have passed the family has fallen apart. Some of us are just family oriented, some not so much. I am the type that, of course unless I had a prior engagement, I would totally clear the date no matter how distant the relative is, or if we haven't seen each other in years, if we had a relationship at one time, I would totally clear the date.

My FH and I are in a similar situation, just opposite. Almost our entire guest list is either my family or our friends. FH is not close with a lot of his family and so far only one couple has replied, I do know that at least his aunt and her husband are coming, his grandparents live in AZ (we're in PA) and not healthy enough to travel, he has a cousin and a brother in CA that aren't coming...I feel really bad for him. I got a decline in the mail yesterday that was a family friend of his mom's and I felt so bad telling him they weren't coming. I'm missing 29 responses (that's 58 F-ing people!) and my due date is tomorrow. This should be fun...

18 of FH's family is coming out of 103 people invited. His family lives out of state, most being 3-5 hours away from the venue. Many have very small children, so we invited children to the wedding. None of the children (except one nephew, our Ring Bearer) will be coming. FH has seen his extended family maybe 3 times in his life and he is 28 years old. So it's tough. The RSVP declines had supportive messages, though. Someone else in his family is getting married a month after us. So I know it's difficult when you have to choose. We are losing several of our friends because they are attending a family members' wedding that day. I know it takes a lot to travel (even 3 hours), especially for someone you don't see often. So I'm not hurt. FH is a little, but won't show it. And FMIL said she is really hurt and trying to deal with the responses. I told her we did what we could (Saturday wedding, invited kids, gave cheaper hotel options, etc) and things are going on in peoples' lives so we should be excited for those 18 that can make the trip. Ultimately, we invited 342 people (including kids) and so far only 142 adults and 5 children are coming (still missing 5% of the RSVPs. Due date was last Friday). We have a minimum, so we are paying for 200 adults plus whatever children. We are fine with this, but we really expected to be right around 200. It sucks, but I am completely understanding of those who cannot make it.

I wouldn't stress about it, as hard as that is. There's lots of reasons that people can't come, and I doubt that it's because they don't care about you! We invited 150, knowing that a lot of people might not be able to make it (we have lots of friends living abroad), and based on the RSVPS that we got, and the list of late RSVPs, I expect that we won't have more than 80 people. I just figure that it means I'll have more time to spend with each guest that is actually there! The people that are coming love you and want the best for you - just remember that! You'll be surrounded by love, and that's what matters most!!

You know what you could do..... Have him call his buddies and ask if they sent the RSVP (that you guys never actually sent them) and when they say they never received the invite in the first place... It must have gotten lost in the mail! No? Bad idea?