Guest list dilemma - mom/stepmom

Its your day dont worry bout your stepmom if you love that family you should invite them. Your stepmom should understand and accept your decision.

You're going to catch a lot of heat on the B-List comment even though two of the four weddings I recently went to had B-Lists (one of which I was on. Didn't care, was thrilled to go, know I got invited because a couple of cousins they didn't want to invite but felt they needed to couldn't come, brought a nice gift, etc). Very few people act shitty at someone's wedding reception because then they look like a total douche. I share your worries in that I currently have some family drama (aunts/uncles/parents suing each other) but am hopeful my above statement is true. You can also have friends/family friends be neutral peacekeepers who are keeping an eye out for things if things go awry. FH's uncle's wife is a former diplomat so I may be making her this person :-p

1. You should not have a B list. It's rude.

2. Gird your loins.

If your step mom and dad really want your day to be about you and want to do everything possible for it to go smoothly, then they shouldn't care if you invite that family. You're close with them so invite them. In the end it's your wedding. Not theirs. Invite who you want to invite. If they respect you they should be able to accept that.

This is your wedding, invite whom you'd like (although B-list is a no-no in my book), My dad desperately wants me to invite his close friend who I have not talked to or seen in 15 years and when my parents divorced my dad's friends wife, who was also very close to my mother, made horrible comments about my mother. I told my dad I did not want them at my wedding. He's annoyed with me but at the end of the day, I am paying, I don't want someone who disrespected my mom and there isn't room. If you never planned on inviting them, then don't.

Its your day and you invite who you want, not who other people want. Don't put them on the guest list just because she thinks you should, she has no say so in this.

Who's paying?

She might mean that they were on her B-list or undecided list. Amber, do you intend on sending out a second round of invites after you revive declines or are you sending them all at once?

I would definitely invite your mom's best friend and her family! They are special to you and should have been invited in the first place! I invited my mom's best friends, they are like family to me, I couldn't imagine celebrating our wedding without them!

I also think you should invite your dad's best friend, out of respect for your dad. I assume that your parents have both moved on. Its your dad's fault that he cheated on your mom and that has nothing to do with his friend.

Who's paying?

@MNBride Yes, there is a second round of invites going out depending on how many decline from the first round.

I didn't think this was an uncommon practice, especially when your have a smaller venue. FH and I both have huge families with non-committal but important family members. We caught flak from his mother's side of the family for not wanting to invite his cousin's recent (2-3 months) foreign girlfriend to our wedding. It's tough to plan which friends to invite because I'm still trying to get steady numbers from our families!

Toss out the b-list sorry but its very rude and uncommon

@Helena Handbasket

FH and I are paying a majority of the costs, but each set of parents has offered to help too (Dad/Stepmom, Mom, and FMIL/FFIL).

Like I said, we are paying the majority of the cost; but, if everyone is chipping in, I don't feel like it's fair that stepmom will get more say than, for argument's sake, my mother or FMIL.

@annakay511 My mom said she would do it for me, but she's worries about HER mom - my Taiwanese grandmother. She absolutely hates my dad's best friend because of all the temptations of philandering he supported while my parents were married.

Would you feel comfortable telling your guests that they were on the b-list, and having all your guests know who was on the a-list and b-list? The answer is probably no, which should indicate to you that what you are doing is rude.

The family in question wouldn't care if they were on a B-list, I'm sure of it.

However, the point is not about an A or B list. The point is, I potentially have more room to invite people due to some family members that may not come (pregnancy & travelling concerns, etc.). I am trying to decide if we should invite my mom's best friend and maybe risk my dad/stepmom being upset.

And, as an aside, I know I've been a B-list on some guest lists and it really didn't matter to me.

B List is right up there on the tacky-o-meter with Honeymoon fund and plastic tableware. Invite who you want. If Step-mummsy wants to add a few people from her Bridge Club, so be it. I would remind her that she would have to help finance it though.

Stepmom was the other woman? I wouldn't give her the time of day. I would tell her no adittions.

Elphaba, if her dad is paying, yes he gets a say. OP should talk to him. I would not assume that dad and SM have joint money.

Yes, dad made a mistake by cheating. But he was likely more to OP. The guy who taught her to ride a bike, to swim. SM is well, nothing more than the cheater. OP can forgive whomever she chooses.

ETA -- I am confused. OP talks about people not respecting dad/sm's marriage, but SM didn't respect her moms marriage

"We caught flak from his mother's side of the family for not wanting to invite his cousin's recent (2-3 months) foreign girlfriend to our wedding."

You should catch flak for that. All significant others should be invited. That's just proper etiquette. And a B-list is rude. Only one round of invites should go out.