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Devoted August 2022

Guest list crossroads

Bride2Be, on April 9, 2021 at 12:35 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 12

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I’m having a hard time with some people on my guest list and whether or not I should keep them or take them off. These are distant relatives that I am friends with on Facebook and would see every once in a while when I was younger but not really ever close with. We are fortunate enough to be able to pay for these people to be there and won’t make us go over the max allowed, but I’m at a crossroads if I want to actually invite them or not. I like them but I wouldn’t really be sad if they didn’t come, and for that reason I feel like I shouldn’t invite them, but at the same time, I wouldn’t be mad if they came. I would be happy to see them but wouldn’t really wanna chat very long.

My fiancé thinks I should just invite them and call it a day, but I’m trying not to over invite. Thoughts?

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12 Comments

Latest activity by Judith, on April 9, 2021 at 6:28 PM

VIP May 2022
Ava · on April 9, 2021 at 12:38 PM
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In your situation, I think I would just invite them. Since inviting them is within your budget and guest max allowance, and you said you would be happy to see them, why not extend the invite? If they are distant relatives you don’t really see, there is a good chance they wouldn’t attend anyway. But they would at least appreciate that you extended the invitation to them.
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Master January 2022
SLY · on April 9, 2021 at 12:43 PM
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I agree with this! FH has a lot of older relatives that we know won't show up, but will appreciate the invite. Since we can afford to add them on, we are!
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VIP August 2021
Katie · on April 9, 2021 at 12:52 PM
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I agree with your fiance, if you have the room in your budget and guess list then whats the big deal with inviting them. You are going to be so busy on your wedding day that you will probably only be talking to any of your guests for just a moment.
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June 2021
Dj Tanner · on April 9, 2021 at 1:22 PM
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In your situation, I would just invite them. For all you know they may RSVP with regrets, but at least you extended the offer to invite them. It might also be nice to see these people again.
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on April 9, 2021 at 1:24 PM
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I don't see any harm in inviting them if you can afford to. Sometimes the distant relatives are closer to you than your immediate family. You might be surprised and they show up. I wouldn't ever automatically assume that unless they are siblings or first cousins they will decline.
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Expert April 2022
Fred · on April 9, 2021 at 2:07 PM
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Hi Bride2Be!
Okay: I disagree with everyone else on this.
In fact, you already answered your question."I like them but I wouldn’t really be sad if they didn’t come, and for that reason I feel like I shouldn’t invite them, but at the same time, I wouldn’t be mad if they came. I would be happy to see them but wouldn’t really wanna chat very long" and You also mentioned that "would see every once in a while when I was younger but not really ever close with."
it sounds like you're strongly leaning towards the "no I shouldn't" rather than the "yes I should".In this situation, I wouldn't invite them. It's not about room & budget since you're able to pay for them and won’t make you go over the max allowed.
it's about who YOU WANT to invite, if you would miss them ... and it sounds like you wouldn't at all.Although the fact that your fiance thinks "you should " makes the situation trickier, I still wouldn't invite them. But that's just me.
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VIP May 2022
Jasmine S. · on April 9, 2021 at 2:22 PM
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It seems like you have the budget for them so it would be the polite thing to do! They'll probably be really happy you were thinking of them. I think with extended family it's advised to invite in circles, i.e. if you want invite some cousins you're close with, you have to invite all the cousins so no feelings get hurt.
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Super October 2021
Milada · on April 9, 2021 at 3:25 PM
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Just because you CAN doesn't mean you SHOULD. Take the time to imagine your day with them and without them. Is there a difference? Will you feel super guilty if you don't? It already sounds like you've made your decision but want to be polite, which is fine, but not if you don't want to. You're not obligated to extend an invite to anyone, no matter their title or connection.
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Super October 2021
Milada · on April 9, 2021 at 3:26 PM
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I agree. it's about who YOU WANT to invite, if you would miss them ... and it sounds like you wouldn't at all.Although the fact that your fiance thinks "you should " makes the situation trickier, I still wouldn't invite them. But that's just me. - all of this. It is definitely about who you want to invite, not who you have to convince yourself to invite.
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Super November 2021
Heather · on April 9, 2021 at 3:27 PM
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If you don't mind them being at your wedding then go ahead. If you are picky on who you really want at your wedding then there is no reason to invite them.
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Dedicated October 2021
Michelle · on April 9, 2021 at 3:41 PM
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Agree 150% with all of this. Someone else also hit it right on the head - just because you can does not mean you should. We are intentionally keeping our wedding very small so we can actually enjoy spending time with the guests. With larger weddings, all you do is go from person to person and interact for a short amount of time, versus enjoying their presence and the wedding as a whole. I have been telling family that we are not inviting that I’d rather spend the time with them/celebrate with them more one-on-one. This has gone over just fine with everyone. Only have the people there that you truly want. Good luck!
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Master 0000
Judith · on April 9, 2021 at 6:28 PM
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These are people to either see at a party on your own, having nothing to do with the wedding, or invite over after you are married. The wedding is the Beginning of your entertaining as a married person. Not the last time you will every see people. These folks would be great guests at a cookout, or dinner party, where there is plenty of talk time to catch up. They have no interest in any of either of your families, or of your closer friends. They open the invitation, say something dismissive about your friendship, most of the time, then some show up and have nothing to do with other guests except at the bar. They don't belong, if you have a thousand seats.
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