Guest List and Offended

My guest list is strictly who I can afford (no one is helping FH and I) so people are offended but there's not much I can do to avoid that. No matter what you do with your wedding, someone will be offended. Do what makes you happy

Drafting our guest list has been an interesting process.

The one pro I can think of is FH and I knew who we wanted to invite.

The one con at the moment is our parents making us feel like asses (jokingly!) about some relatives we forgot, lol.

My mom reminded me of people we forgot too. I felt weird about the guest list the whole time. But it's whatever.

Invite who you want and call it a day. Don't feel bad for not inviting someone. Everyone thinks weddings are free for all's when really they're hella expensive.

B list or tell them to stfu and deal with it.

Exactly, invite who u can afford, I have many people I would love to invite, but I can't will be wayyy over budget. I accepted my list and can't wait to enjoy my day

Its is your wedding and they can't be hurt that they weren't invited. I told people that if i invited everyone I knew, Id'd have a guest list of 1000 people. They will get over it and if they don't, who cares? You have a big day to plan!!

Too bad for them! I'm not inviting anyone from high school unless I kept in touch with them (and not just the occasional Like or Comment on Facebook). In fact, we're not inviting anyone we haven't talked to/hung out with within the last year.

Again invite what you can afford.

We are doing family and close friends only.

I literally didn't invite a single person I went to high school with (haven't kept in touch with any of them). FH invited one person from school.

It's whatever works for you! Your wedding. Your day.

Think of it this way... there's always going to be at least 1 person that gets offended and 9 times out of 10 it's someone you see but rarely talk to.. That happened to us. A couple from church who we see and know decently were very offended we didn't invite them.... oh well! life goes on

One rule. If I haven't physically seen or spoken to you on the phone in six months you are not invited. I've made an exception to this rule only in regard to family up to first cousins but only because most of them live far away. Most of the family that lives far away have declined anyway. So it all works out!

My snarky, devil-may-care self is always tempted to use this as a response for people who got their knickers in a knot over something that really has nothing to do with them:

"I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day; tomorrow doesn't look good, either"

Good on you, OP, for sticking to your guns over your guest list. If not getting an invitation to an old classmate's wedding is the biggest problem in these folk's lives, then damn! :-)

People don't seem to understand that a wedding is NOT a birthday party. Its not a simple $4 extra for more cake and punch. I had to explain this to my parents when they tried to play the card of "But so-and-so had you at their wedding when YOU were a kid" as I'm not inviting anyone under 21. This isn't a reciprocal thing. This is a day where I want people there who will enrich my day. I don't feel kids will do that, so we're doing an adult wedding. Same went for my stepdad's nine cousins (not even exaggerating, that side of the family is Italian) whom I've never met/spoken to.

I invited very few people from high school, and where I'm from people are used to the entire town being invited (very rural Iowa. People think "good jeans" are wedding attire. No thanks.), whereas we kept it to family and friends who we actually are currently in communication with. People are pretty offended I don't want to entire town to just "show up." It's annoying.

Invite who you want and can afford and just ignore everyone who is offended.

People truly don't understand the dynamics of a guest list. A lot of my college friends keep saying "I'll pay for my plate" which I think is SO rude. It's not just cost, it's drawing a line and choosing circles. There's a lot of friends that if we invite one then we have to invite them all. Both of our families are big so I just keep using that excuse. It's going to be like 160 family and 20 friends (which is like 10 because of plus ones).

With what weddings cost? You invite exactly who you want, who you interact with, and close relatives.

If they're not in your speed dial, if you haven't spoken to them in six months, if you don't even know if they have a SO, if you don't like them, it you haven't seen them in years....consider cutting them.

Less is more.

Not much you can do about that

Just keep telling yourself you have to draw a line somewhere and there is always going to be someone left on the other side of it. It is their problem if they get offended, not yours.

My FH knows how guilty I start to feel or upset about feeling like I'm being rude. When we were doing the guest list, he explained his choices in a way that made everything click for me. This is such an intimate moment of our relationship. We are committing ourselves for life in front of a select group of people. There are not 100 people I want to witness this intimacy. More like 25-50 at most. Who are the people that you want to watch you make this commitment? It's not about bragging, or glitz, or showing off and getting people to "ooooh" and "ahhhh" over your wedding. It's about the most significant relationship in your life that you have CHOSEN to build. So be picky with your guest list. And give no fucks.

Lilly makes a very, very good point that is very often forgotten. Your wedding is a sacred (even if it is secular) experience; it's a commitment, which is the main part of the deal....not the cute signs, the photo booth, the giant party with 200 people you really don't care about. It's not a family reunion, it's not a chance to pay back obligations, it's not a vehicle for your parents to invite business associates. It's your wedding.

I think that often gets lost in the shuffle of favors and specialty linens and cigar rollars.

Who do YOU want to be with you on this day? I mean, really WITH you. Not going to some party, but really with you.

I suspect if more couples asked each other that question and answered honestly, there would be a lot less guest list drama, budget woes and all around stress.

Celia, thank you for elaborating more eloquently than I could! You made my point perfectly. Since FH changed my perspective about the guest list, we have had a lot less drama and I'm very much at peace with my decisions. It's gotten people off our backs, too.