guest list and cousins

We invited all first cousins. We could not bear to invite only some of them. It would be hard on us and I didnt want to put my sweet FMIL in the position of having to explain why we favored some over others.

Yea that's tough, I also have a much bigger family than hubby. We invited all of our first cousins. So I had like 20 and he had like 3. It's just the way it is though, there was no way I could exclude any of my first cousins even though I had a lot of more, I'm close with all of them.

Be careful with this. I say if you make a rule, it needs to apply to all guests invited. So if you say no cousins, thats no cousins. But if some are allowed you really should invite all of them. if you need to keep your guestlist down you need to be ok with either having no cousins or maybe cutting your friend list or some other expense that you really dont need. my brother was having this problem as well and they decided on cutting friends at first, and once they got their RSVP's from family (they asked people to commit to coming or not about 4 months before the wedding to see if they could invite extra people...this is something you could do as well) they were able to ask more friends to come. Also, friends are probably a bit more understanding if they get a later invite than family would be. They also are not having flowers and cut back on the open bar so they could have they people that they wanted there.

I was in the same boat... So I know how quickly it can all add up. I don't think there is a decent way to pick and chose certain cousins. We invited all aunts and uncles and then made the cut off for cousins and ALL other guests 21... anyone invited is over the age of 21... are there some cousins I wish I could've added on, yes But that was the fairest way to keep the guests list in check lol. My brother did the same thing except an 18 yr old cut off.

ETA: FH was able to invite all of his cousins with this rule so really it only applied to my family but it was still the fairest way.

Yeah it's hard when it comes to "family". We just decided to keep it to cousins that are first cousins and of course cousins that we actually see often and are close to. It definitely helps keep the guest list down and costs. We didn't see a point in inviting absolutely EVERYBODY since we don't even know/talk to half the people and they are all out of town that we haven't seen since we were like 2 years old. We kept the guestlist - closest family, our main friends and 2 tables each for each set of parents for whoever they want to invite since they are helping out with the cost of the wedding.

We didn't invite any cousins, but I did invite all my aunts and uncles. We wanted a smaller wedding (42 guests; invited 50). We invited more of our close friends because we both hav a ton of cousins we aren't close too (most have 3+ kids as well).

FH and I are kinda in the same boat with my side...all my cousins on my dad side have kids that are my age or even younger. Most of their kids i don't talk to except for one family unit of them that I am pretty tight with. So we are inviting my first cousins and NONE of their kids, except the family I said I was tight with.

Also, chances are if you invite cousins that you are not close to and/or live out of town, they probably wont make the effort to come. I know about 40 members of my family that I invited did not come, probably because we are not that close, but I know they still appreciated the invite.

Thanks for all the imput. My cousins probably wont all come because of the time of year and international travel. FH has more cousins amd they are all local. As for friends, we only have 4 on the guest list (8 if you include my bridal party) so that doesn't help us make room for more cousins.

We wont invite any cousins most likely. Just too many cousins. I dont think even limiting to under 21 would help, would only cut 10 from the list... we have "old families" as FH says

Would it be bad form to hire a cousin for the photographer though, I know her quality of work and know her price is going to come in at less then half of any other photographer. Or is that considered inviting them? Grr... big families are a blessing but expensive!