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Savvy November 2021

Guest list add or cut

Breanne, on May 9, 2021 at 7:23 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 1 42
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I have these 3 "friends" from high school, who I am having the honest hardest time trying to figure out whether to add them or cut them from guest list. A little back story... when my fiancé and I really first started dating they threw a fit because we didn't coke to a party they hosted because he didn't know anyone. They even asked me if he liked me as much as I did him... my fiancé has never liked two of them because he sees them as bad influences on me. Now that we are older and things they only talk to me when they want to get to gether the 4 of us, however two of them hangout all the time and now 2 of them are moving into together so I'm sure it will become the 3 of them and then me only when they choose.



However got together with them the other night and they straight up asked if they were invited I panicked and said yeah but only if you want too. They said well duh of course they did.
Now I feel pressured but I truly feel like they really are not that good of friends.
Please anyone help me! Many family members say invite them anyway who cares. Another family member said no dont because they sound like terrible friends (especially because they straight up asked me).
Fiancé does not care anymore he just wants me to stop stressing about it

42 Comments

Latest activity by Katie, on May 16, 2021 at 10:31 AM
  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Cut these people out of your lives and do not invite them to your wedding. They are not real friends.

    Learn to say no. You will feel so empowered when you do.

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  • B
    Savvy November 2021
    Breanne ·
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    Is it going to be weird though since I roughly told them the other day in person yes they were...
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    No it shouldn’t. You decide on your guest list before you book your venue and other vendors. No one is by officially invited until they receive a save the date and invitation.

    When you cut these particular people from your life, you stop all communication with them. Unfriend them on social media, do not answer calls/texts, do not go on lunch dates, etc.

    If they were real friends, you would say unfortunately you aren’t able to invite them. No explanation. Then continue with your relationship.

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  • M
    Dedicated October 2021
    Megan ·
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    I rarely disagree with Michelle, but... You already (through pressure or otherwise) straight up told them they were invited. It'd be pretty uncool of you to "un-invite" them at this point.

    It sounds like you're not huge fans of theirs, but I'd like to know why your fiancé thinks they're a "bad influence."

    You're a grown adult who's perfectly capable of making informed choices, separate from others. I've seen that phrase used over and over again by controlling partners/spouses to try and get them to cut ties with their closest humans. I encourage you to evaluate that statement.

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  • B
    Savvy November 2021
    Breanne ·
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    It was more a few years ago in college. We would get together and talk about old things from high-school they would pressure me into going out, drinking. They are the reason I hate drinking and was over it before I was 21. Because they threw parties every weekend, and everyone drank too much.
    The hardest thing I cannot let go is that they told me to my face about 3 years ago that they do not believe me about an assault that happened to me in highschool
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  • M
    Dedicated October 2021
    Megan ·
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    Well, that changes everything, Breanne.

    You do not let anyone have access to you, ever, that does not believe the trauma you experienced. That is so awful. I am so sorry: that is genuinely just terrible.

    You should not invite these people AND you should cut them out of your life. Refusing to believe you were assaulted is an absolute damn dealbreaker. I am so sorry for the trauma you've experienced.

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  • B
    Savvy November 2021
    Breanne ·
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    Well hi, do you have any advice
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  • B
    Savvy November 2021
    Breanne ·
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    Thank you! It was has still been something I deal with everyday. Trying to get that day out of my life even thought it was years ago. But yes for them to straight tell me to my face they do not believe it was like getting kicked in the face and as being down being kicked again


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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Someone refusing to acknowledge violence against you as legitimate does not deserve the time of day from you or anyone close to you.
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  • Samantha
    VIP October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    You do not have to spend any time with, talk to, invite or consider in any way people who are mean to you.
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  • B
    Savvy November 2021
    Breanne ·
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    I just don't know what to do because my mom and sister say invite them. My cousin says don't. And my fiance doesn't want to talk about it anymore, because me stressing over it is driving him crazy
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    What does your gut say? It normally will never steer you wrong. Your mom and sister are not the ones these women are actively saying are lying about the violence you experienced that you mentioned still haunts you. Mom and sister (and fiancé) should be supporting you instead of making the situation more stressful.
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  • Samantha
    VIP October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    To what end? Are they close to these women?


    Something that is very helpful when people are pushing you to do something you don’t want to do is to say it once, and then stop. Don’t explain it. Don’t answer questions. Be firm.“I’m not inviting them.” Your mom and sister will ask why. *They are not interested in your reason, they are looking for a way to convince you.*You don’t need convincing. These women are mean to you. It’s reasonable and healthy to not be around people who are mean to you. You may not realize that yet - it took me a while. Once you really get it - that you get to choose who you spend your time with, you will feel SO GOOD. So I control of your life.
    If your mom thinks you are too sensitive or that they aren’t mean - she can go be bffs with them.
    The key is to appear ****% happy with your decision. Give them zero reason to think you are iffy on it. “They aren’t invited. I’m done with this boring topic mom, let’s talk about something else. Oh, you want to keep talking about it...ok, I’ve got to go, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
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  • B
    Savvy November 2021
    Breanne ·
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    My gut just wishes that they would be mature adults and not make it a big deal. However I feel like they are going to cause a big scene if I don't invite them. But who seriously asks someone if they are invited in person? That is what sucks i was so put on the spot and said yeah sure. But they know either way they are not included in my shower because that was when I was set on not inviting them and I just keep going back and forth
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  • Samantha
    VIP October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    A big scene where? Do you work together? Is there a reason that you have to be around them where they’d be able to cause a scene?
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  • B
    Savvy November 2021
    Breanne ·
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    I mean these ladies have been in my life since middle school, so for like 12-13 years. But after high-school or really even college we only speak to plan to hangout and that is once every 2 months or so. And it so happened we got together yesterday and one of them asked me in person in front of them all if they were invited. So I panicked saying yeah.


    So now if I take it back how is it going to go? I'm betting not good
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  • B
    Savvy November 2021
    Breanne ·
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    We literally just all got together yesterday. So the next gathering if they would ask again or something I'm sure they would be mad and say something and then I would awkwardly just leave
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  • Samantha
    VIP October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    I am going to remind you - you do not have to spend time with people who are mean to you. You really don’t. I know it seems hard but once you realize that your time is yours, you get to say who you spend it with. Why hang out with them at all? Imagine instead if you were hanging out with two friends every other month who you felt good around?
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  • Samantha
    VIP October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    Why get together?
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Like Samantha said, don’t give them your time. Cut off all contact. The sooner you stand up to the bullies the better. The validity of what they think went out the window the first time they were mean to you.
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