Guest List: a and b List??

I'm personally not a fan of B lists. Typically invites don't go out SUPER far in advance so by the time you get "no" RSVPs and you send out your B invites, it's obvious they were a last minute invite which is pretty rude. Plus you can't include them in bridal shower/bachelorette/etc. because you don't know if you'll even invite them.

I think you can get away with A & B lists. We don't have one, but considered it. Some things to consider:

1. Don't send Save the Dates unless they are 100% invited

2. Start cutting down your list from there, we've already had a few people tell us they can't make it just based on the Save the Date. (Other weddings/On Vacations)

3. Don't post on social media about having sent invites or save the dates so it's not awkward if people don't get them for a few weeks.

4. Send your actual invites early so there's ample time for the second round to go out.

We just talked about it in case we had to cut back our wedding in March. It would just be my family living here (parents, sister and possibly my older sister if she feels comfortable traveling from TN) otherwise it would just be them and FH local family. All my guests would have to travel from ME, PA and MD. Our venue said it could live stream the ceremony for them. It's hard because its not how I pictured my day and gatherings in my state are limited to 25 but we will be married at the end of the day. We have been waiting 2 years to be married.

View Quoted Comment Having a tiered list, like you've described, is even ruder than an A and B invite list. Even with covid. Not okay. Everyone invited to the reception needs to also be invited to the ceremony. It's on you to find venues that can accomodate this.

View Quoted Comment Having a tiered list, like you've described, is even ruder than an A and B invite list. Even with covid. Not okay. Everyone invited to the reception needs to also be invited to the ceremony. It's on you to find venues that can accomodate this.

I guess a lot of people are taking it in a negative way , which someone posted a chart on how to see who gets invited which is a good idea. That was my itinal thought not actually send out an A and B invites

View Quoted Comment Well, we’re all very clear on your opinion. However not all of us have endless budgets of venues to allow for our original guest lists! There’s a freaking pandemic going on, so there’s nothing wrong with sending out incrementally!

View Quoted Comment I understood you as saying you were inviting some people to both the ceremony and reception and then inviting other people just to the reception. Under ANY circumstances, this is rude. If I misunderstood, my apologies.

View Quoted Comment Love this chart!

I'm not sure if what my fiance and I are doing is considered A and B listing our guest. Basically, before COVID we had a drafted list of 80 and then covid and the aftermath happened. Due to loss of job security, in NYC they plan to lay off 22,000 city workers and I am a city worker (cue tears) and my job already has us on a month by month basis. So the last four days of each month we all wait and see if we'll be re-hired, which is less than ideal. So with a lack of job security and health concerns, we decided to cap our list at 30, immediate family and wedding party. We will send save the dates sometime this fall. If by some miracle covid is gone or the situation has drastically improved and we have job security once more we will reevaluate the guest list and open it to more people. So I am not sure if that is A and B listing but if it is our hands are tied and we will do what is best and smart for us. We will be offering live streaming for those who were initially on our drafted up guest list. I like the idea that was mentioned of sending it out in waves and honestly, these are unprecedented times, I think it is fine to plan your wedding and handle your guest list however you need to. There is nothing normal about this year, so normal wedding planning and etiquette may need to be adjusted to fit your needs. Good luck!

Having been a "B list" guest pre-covid, I was not offended at all. The bride was my FH's sister's friend (she was in the wedding) who he knew growing up. We had spent a weekend with them at another event about a month before their wedding. They had some guests back out last minute and reached out to us two weeks before their date asking if we wanted to come. We joked about being "second string" guests but I get it, they needed butts to fill seats that were already paid for. I think it's perfectly appropriate to reach out to a second wave of people if you get a bunch of No's from the first round, but I think it helps to do it in person before you send an invitation and explain that you had to cut down your guest list but now you have extra space and you would be honored to have them join you.