Guest invited boyfriend to wedding

Is this a new boyfriend, or an established long-term significant other? It sounds like he's been in the picture for a while. Couples are a social unit and many people get offended if their partner isn't invited to events with them. Are you OK if she declines? If you really want her there, you need to invite him too. The exception would be if he's dangerous, but you didn't elaborate how bad these "arguments" were with your friends, so I'm not sure if that's enough to justify excluding him.

If they are a couple, they should be invited as a unit (barring this individual would start a fistfight at your wedding).

If they are a committed couple, he should be invited.

Yikes, that's a tricky situation to be in and unfortunate you have to be in it at all. I know I personally didn't want to invite people I didn't know to my wedding either. We had a few guests with causal significant others they hadn't been dating long that we didn't invite. I have a close friend who's married and was in a wedding last summer. Her husband wasn't invited to the wedding and neither were any of the other bridesmaid's significant others. The couple wanted to keep it super small and got married on a relative's property. I thought that was odd, but those that were invited still attended. I would recommend approaching the subject with her lightly.... understand that she may not want to attend without him. But maybe explain to her that although you understand she wants him there, you and your fiance aren't comfortable with guests attending that you don't know. And you're trying to keep your guest count manageable and can't afford an additional guest.

You can't really invite her to come and celebrate your relationship while simultaneously not respecting hers though, right? Etiquette-wise, you need to invite everyone with their partner if they identify as in a relationship.

How do ask a guest to celebrate your relationship with fiancé and you don’t honor theirs by inviting their significant other by name? It’s not for you to decide if their relationship is valid based on the period they have been together. If you are unwilling to invite their significant other who is not abusive/violent/criminal, then don’t invite them either. Their is no polite loophole.

I guess I'm in the minority, but I disagree. If you sent her an invite that said just her name, she should respect that. Unless her invite said "and guest" then its not her place to add another person to her invite. It's definitely going to be a difficult conversation, and she may chose to not go because of it, which is her right. However, it is not her right to decide who does and does not get invited to your wedding. I've been to plenty of weddings where the only significant others allowed were married, engaged, or extremely long lasting partners (categorized as together for at least a year and preferably longer). As to how to broach the subject, perhaps since it started by going through her mother, start there. "Unfortunately due to our budget and venue restraints, we just can't accommodate everyone. We'd love to have her there, but unfortunately she does not get a plus one. If she feels that she cannot come without him, we understand that and will miss her presence."

You are not obligated to invite anyone you don't want to to your own wedding, regardless of their affiliation with anyone you do want there. It may mean she doesn't come, but you and your FH have to weigh that against the boyfriend being there and possibly causing drama. But if you don't want them invited, thats your choice.

Guess I'm in the minority as well 🤷‍♀️

I don't know when OP mailed her invites (if she even has yet) and whether Boyfriend was in the picture at that time, but if the invite didn't say "Friend and Guest" or "Friend and Boyfriend" then boyfriend wasn't invited. Period. If the invitation wasn't enough of an indicator or hadn't gone out yet, Friend's mom asking if Friend had a +1 and not getting a resounding "yes" should have, at the very least, clued them in to wait to hear back from OP/ receive an invitation for clarity. It's common knowledge that weddings are expensive and couples can't invite everyone, and it's not unheard of for boyfriends/ girlfriends who haven't been in the picture for however long not to be invited.

Like Orianna mentioned, it certainly won't be an easy conversation, but it's one they brought on themselves. The friend may not attend, but she doesn't have the right to dictate the guest list.

I have been struggling with situations like this too. our general rule, is only allowing plus ones for relationships of 3+ years, but if i have never met someone, i don't care to spend 70 to 100 dollars on them (and thats for my budget wedding). And i wouldn't feel bad about it. I haven't gotten it all the way down, but my wording is something like, i have decided to keep the wedding very intimate, and limit the guest list to people I know, so they are not invited. I hope this doesn't change impact your decision to join us.

I agree with Paige and Orianna. If you didn’t know about this boyfriend when you sent the invitations out, that’s not your fault. You’ve put time and energy into creating a guest list to fit the constraints of your budget, and that’s that.
My sister was a bridesmaid for her friend’s wedding. My parents, and then only me were invited. Yes, at first I was a bit upset that they didn’t invite my fiancé (back then he was my boyfriend of almost 2 years) but after Googling and reading that it’s actually really rude to question this with the bride/bride’s family, I got over it like an adult, went to the wedding, and had a good time. It turns out they didn’t know I had been dating him for almost two years. When her parents found out a year or two later, they said “Oh my gosh! So sorry about that! You should have said something! We would have let him come!” I’m glad I or my parents didn’t say anything though. Planning my own wedding now, I completely understand how hard it is and that every extra person pushes your budget. It’s expensive to feed people!
What that family friend did is actually very rude. You don’t just tell the bride that you’re bringing an uninvited guest. Period. Not on the envelope = not invited. The invite list is up to the couple, not the guests….

I agree that if you've never met him, it's completely ok to not want him at your wedding! You can explain that your rule of thumb for guest is that each person has met both the bride & groom! This is because it's meant to celebrate both of you! Hopefully they understand.

I would let her know that due to budget or spacing constraints you are not extending plus one's at this time. You would hope to see her there to celebrate, but understand if she is unable to attend due to the circumstance.