Guest dress code

Unfortunately it's hard to control what others wear. What formality is your wedding? Is it a formal wedding or more casual?

You're definitely not being irrational. You have every right to not want people wearing jeans to your wedding. What type of wedding are you having? Black tie? Casual? Formal?

View Quoted Comment Semi-formal

You are not being irrational at all. I see that your wedding is semi-formal so you certainly don’t want him in jeans. If you have a good relationship with his mother maybe you can talk to her about the dress code. It’s only one day and I’m sure he can accommodate it.

I agree people should just know not to dress like a slob when they are attending weddings but unfortunately people will show up in whatever they want no matter what you ask for. The good news is if he shows up in jeans itll reflect badly on him, not you

I don't think you are being irrational. I think your fiancé needs to understand that jeans aren't an acceptable attire for a semi-formal wedding. I agree with Cyndy that if you are close to his mom maybe you could mention something to her about it. We included on our wedding website that we didn't want anyone in jeans. I was so sure someone wasn't going to listen on my husband's side since they are very laidback people, but everyone listened. Also, if the boyfriend is going to be in photos I would point out how you are going to have these photos the rest of your lives and you are paying a lot of money for a professional photographer and you don't want your photos ruined by someone wearing jeans. I would probably say if he does wear jeans that you don't want him in photos so it's either he can dress appropriately or he won't be in photos.

You cannot control what people wear. Weddings are semiformal/Sunday Best by default. The only time attire can be addressed is if you have a super fancy Oscars level of formality venue that requires tuxes and gowns for entry. Those are incredibly rare. Guests are not photo props.

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I actually agree with this. While I see your point at the end of the day you can only control what you wedding party wears. It depends on the relationship you have with the boyfriend and your soon to be MIL to tell him what to wear. My big brother wore a black t shirt and jeans because he barely goes out of his house except for work and fish and he has only been to my wedding so I was not going to dictate what he wore. I would just say he cannot be in any pictures. I personally worry that if you tell his mom or have him tell his mom that her boyfriend cannot wear jeans she may not take it well.

I don't know how it works with walking down the aisle. Since he's with my fiance's mom, wouldn't he walk her down the aisle? If so, can I tell him he won't be allowed to walk her down the aisle if he wears jeans?

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That is up to you who walks down the aisle. Have you promised that task to them? My SIL had her dad walk her down the aisle and her stepmom at the time was just seated as a guest. You could have a member of the wedding party walk her down. I totally see why you would want him dressed a certain way I do get it but I am not sure this is an argument you want to have with your fiance. I believe it is common the groom can walk with the mom down the aisle and he can be seated in the front row. What do you think?

No, you are not; but you cannot control what others wear. I would just warn them that of they show up in inappropriate attire then don't get mad when you're cropped from photos.

All you can do is indicate the formality of the event/dress code to your guests and hope they show up in appropriate attire.


I got married at a country club that has its own dress code, and we requested cocktail to dressy casual attire. We had some people on our list that we knew would show up in jeans, and honestly they still looked nice with dress shirts.
But if the mom’s boyfriend shows up in jeans and looks out of place, that’s on him, and honestly, no one else will really care. I wouldn’t let this stress you out.

I agree with the others- you’re not being irrational. I’d talk with your FMIL about his attire.

He doesn't have to walk down the aisle. Have your FMiL walk down with your mother, or with your FH, or alone, or anyone else.


Since he's a bf, it's ok to take some family photos without him. Have the photographer Photoshop his jeans. Talk to your FMiL about this.
Easy fixes.

NOOOOO. I don't think that's okay. We stated clearly that everyone could dress business casual. Slacks and a nice shirt. My husband's guitar player showed up in a hoodie but he's only in one photo. He at least wore slacks though. We had a bohemian style wedding so formal attire would've looked way out of place however your wedding is still a wedding.. I think it's disrespectful to not at least make an effort to look nice. I was not upset with the guitarist because I know him well and I know he tried (he had a nice shirt under the hoodie). But jeans doesn't feel like trying. Have your fiance bring it up with his mother. That's actually the best piece of (unsolicited) married life advice I could give anyone. Anything you have to say that may be touchy will always be received better if it comes from a blood relative. I deal with my family directly when it comes to issues and he deals with his. It works much better than the times we've tried it the other way around. I would think your MIL will understand and might even think the same.

View Quoted Comment Once you let him in, you cannot limit where he goes. I think your key is talking to FMIL. She should be wearing semi-formal to formal clothes, and it is reasonable to ask to see that he match MIL in dressy cocktail, or evening wear. If not a suit, then at least a blazer and dress pants, not chinos. If you have ushers and they are seating honored guests, the traditional thing is for the Mother to yake the usher's arm, or simply walk beside him, while the husband/SO
walks a few steps behind. The seating of parents is usually the last part of the prelude, and FI parents next to last before bride's side. Lots of people do not have separate ushers, but designate groom's brother or uncle, in a suit, to escort the mother with her boyfriend walking behind. If you do this, then the front shot photographers get is the family escort and mom, with head and shoulder only of boyfriend walking behind. He really should be willing to dress the appropriate formality, and match her. But if using a traditional wedding feature, family ushers, takes him out of the spotlight naturally, you might feel better.

Please move past this. You will have bigger fish to fry on your wedding day and on the day of your wedding you will not care. Just let it go.