Guest count

It is not uncommon where I am from for the only children present at the wedding to be those in the junior bridal party and beyond that there tend to be "all or nothing" approaches to having children at weddings because otherwise it is really tricky to avoid unintentionally offending people by excluding their kids and having others.

I think you need to make a judgment call dependent on how much you want/don't mind children being present.

If it were me personally, I would not want 46 kids at my wedding and I had for my own wedding only had those in the bridal party in attendance.

I think children who are part of the wedding party are a common exception to the no kids rule, so you can go that route. Also, if you can financially afford the risk, it is unlikely that every person you invite will attend and even that they will want to bring their kids. I had invited all kids (although not as many as you all had) and all the guests actually opted to leave their kids at home, including my cousin and his wife who flew from California to New Jersey for my wedding. That being said, you want to be able to afford the extra cost of those 15 people. I would also double check with your venue if children fully count towards that 150, if you haven't already. For instance, my venue's per person charge was $130 but children were only $35 per person.


Additionally, put your foot down regarding these random invitations. If your parents or his parents insist on inviting people that have no connection to either of you, which puts you over that $150, tell them they can be invited but the parents are on the hook for the cost. Remind dad what he said and ask him why he feels his cousins, who have never bothered to meet you in all your years alive, suddenly need to be at your wedding.

I agree that if you have flower girls/ring bearers but no other kids, people will not be offended. Especially if those kids leave with a babysitter after the ceremony. Are your parents paying for the wedding? If not, don't invite their friends or distant relatives you have no relationship with. They can host their own event to celebrate your marriage later. Since you're so far over capacity, it would be completely reasonable to tell them you ha e no room for their random friends.

I had similar numbers, and chose not to have children as a third of my guests. We easily eliminated the flower girl and ring bearer tradition to not pick favorites. Children were welcome at the day ceremony, but reception was adults only. Half of our guests were out of town also. We let the parents figure out what works best for their families whether it be bring a nanny, 1 parent attend, or a full decline. People decline for dogs, they can figure out their own kids. If you do decide to reconfigure, consider who is paying when eliminating strangers as Jasmine recommended.

We’re only inviting nieces/nephews, most of whom will be in the bridal party. No other kids. The wedding will be mostly self funded so we have final say on the guest list.

If you really want to invite kids outside the bridal party, you could do no kids under a certain age. A few venues we toured had requirements like that, which basically eliminated kids entirely from our wedding.

As for your parents trying to get you to invite additional people, I'd just tell them that you can only afford to invite a certain number of people and you're already over that number. If they insist that the additional guests NEED to come, then I'd take Hannah's advice and say your parents are responsible for the additional cost.

Is this just the number you’re planning to invite? Because you likely won’t have every single person respond yes. Since you’re pretty close to 150 in just total invited you might get down to that number after receiving your RSVPs.

You shouldn’t invite over your venue capacity, which is 150. You usually also need to include vendors in that head count. I would say cutting the kids will be the easiest route to get under your venue capacity. I’d your wedding is more than a year away, some people who are currently single may have partners by then as well.

Edited to add if there are kids in the wedding they will need to be invited to the reception, too.

Thank you all. I guess I forgot to say the "kids" are not super young. It will be my niece and nephew and my fiance's niece and nephew, which when we get married will be 12, 15, 16, & 17, and will be part of the actual bridal party. Both of our parents have said they will be helping with what they can financially, but not how much each. His parents have said they will be paying for the rehearsal dinner, my mom has helped with some deposits, my sister paid our biggest deposit (venue) allowing me to pay her back at my convenience, and my dad just keeps saying he's going to help but hasn't said how much. I think as a couple him and I need to narrow it down. Don't let my dad's distant relatives come, ask my fiance if he really wants to invite this older relatives family that originally we were going to leave off but his mom had us add on, and narrow down the family friends. I don't think they really need to invite his little league coach and his mom's friends whole family. Maybe compromise and invite her and her husband but her grown kids are not invited.

So many details. Is 150 the max capacity? That is set in place by the fire department for safety reasons. What does it mean that they are charging extra per additional guest? Venues don’t allow you to go over capacity. All of your vendors and yourselves are included in that number. If you have 150 capacity, you count yourselves as 2, each vendor and staff is 1 (or however many they are bringing) and what is leftover is the number of people you can invite. That calculation is made before you book the venue. You have 75 (as example) must have people you plan to invite, then rough estimate of 10 vendors including staff. So you look on Eventective.com for a venue that holds 90 minimum. A 100 guest maximum capacity is going to be a tight squeeze. Everyone on your guest list is given a save the date notice via phone call or postcard magnet at 6-12 months followed by invitation at 6-8 weeks before the wedding. You won’t know how many people are attending until rsvps come in at3-4 weeks. You allow yourself a week buffer to track down anyone who did not reply. Inviting from a second list as the first list declines is seen as rude because the 2nd and 5th tiers of guests feel like they are afterthoughts and seat fillers, and many prefer to not be invited at all. Alway prepare for 100% attendance because it does happen more often than expected.



As far as kids are concerned. Some families and social circles view babies as acceptable while other children are not, even though many older children are less disruptive than babies. Some circles extend that to include wedding party children or children of the couple only and all others must stay home. You hear people say “the other parents will understand” and/or “they’re being given a favor or a break by having a night off”. Neither is true in all situations. People talk among each other but they will never say a bad word to the couple, who thinks everyone is 100% on board. Many people will be offended that certain children are invited while they are told absolutely they must find childcare or decline. Also not every parent sees their children as someone they want a break from. Not to say they will bring them uninvited but they don’t share the idea that their children are an inconvenience simply because a child free couple has that belief. Other families and social circles see weddings as events for the entire family. But it all boils down to stay consistent. If you say “no children”, many people will interpret that as literally not a soul under 18 will be in attendance. They will be upset when they arrive and you have babies, teens, toddlers and any combination of which is seen as playing favorites but they won’t tell you.

Don’t invite anyone you and fiancé don’t want in attendance who are not your must have ride or die people. Parents already had their wedding and this is your turn. Don’t invite anyone out of obligation to please others. A wedding is not a family reunion or a work conference. While some families use them as family reunions, that is not the purpose. Parents can host these relatives in their home at another time and you are not required to attend if you are not close. Also you don’t fill the need to sacrifice your comfort or values to make someone else happy if it means you are not. For example, parents are contributing $x so that means they order Y and Z you don’t want and invite E, F, and G that you don’t want at your wedding, when they can easily host their own party on their own time. At the same time, why not start a tradition of a family reunion picnic at another time in a local park? Everyone contributes on their own dime and you are not stuck with the bill, while everyone gets to catch up.
Make sure you and fiancé are paying for this yourselves. The minute you accept financial assistance, you turn over the final planning decisions to the benefactors.

View Quoted Comment Sorry, the venue includes 150 guests in the package. We can invite more, but they then charge us per additional person, separate from the catering price per person. So not that the venue will be at capacity, but to accommodate for more people they charge more.

View Quoted Comment When you first sat down with fiancé to discuss your vision and budget, how many guests did you imagine? Stick with that number unless additional guests are must haves because you want them in attendance, not because parents or someone else does. Do you want more guests just to have them or do you really want them there and can afford them? As far as price per person, many vendors offer custom bundles based on your needs and preferences so you are not limited to only the bundles listed on the websites. You can negotiate most of the time. But you do have quite awhile to decide.

I specifically said due to venue capacity, we are only able to invite children of family members and those traveling from out of state. All my in town friends completely understand. As long as there’s a clear distinction why certain kids are invited and others aren’t, I personally think it’s ok to not invite all.